Broad Beans sleeping in a blankety bed....

This morning I attended the Harvest Festival ceremony at the Parish Church; I think I'm going a bit soft in my old age, and I don't mind admitting that I felt unexpectedly emotional about the whole thing. For me that is; I don't mean that I broke down in tears or anything, but I felt a surge of good feeling and perhaps a small tear formed in the corner of my eye, as I listened to and watched the children of Slade Primary School (I maybe ought to point out that my daughter is one of them) sing, dance, hold up signs, letters and banners, read poetry out and teach us all about the inequalities in the world. Mark Brown, the new vicar of the parish, introduced himself before the proceedings and the ever impressive Mrs. Resch, Head Teacher of Slade, ensured smooth progress of events. The plums were certainly ripe and the apples were red, but I'm not sure I saw any broad beans sleeping in a blankety bed!...

Bring back the whistling postman....

I'm not sure how I feel about the postal workers strike. On the one hand I like receiving my post every day, especially for business reasons. On the other hand however, I can't help sympathising with postmen and sorting office workers who do a pretty good job on the whole getting our mail to us from all corners of the world. The work can't be the most fulfilling and it's certainly not well paid. I'm afraid that the latest "efficiency drive" by those charlatans in charge at the Royal Mail is just a thinly described way of saying "job cuts." They are trying to manage the situation and the public perception in order to save money. What does this mean for them? Adam Crozier, and Alan Leighton The Chief Executive and the Chairman of Royal Mail get to line their, already over laiden, pockets with yet more cost saving target bonuses and share options. Thanks very much! What do we get? We get less deliveries, industrial action leading to turmoil, post office closures (including the threatened closure of Goldsmid Road and Shipbourne Road) and a grumpy postman, instead of a whistling one. What does the post office worker get? More and more frustrated and stressed out coupled with less and less job security. This means that they will work less efficiently not more efficiently Mr. Crozier. When the postman stops whistling, he starts dragging his heels and taking longer to deliver that mail, he starts making mistakes and he starts taking more sikkies because that's one way he can get back at you. But frankly what do you care because when the shit hits the fan in a few years time and we realise that we shouldn't have closed that post office down after all and that people won't apply for jobs at the sorting office any more, because the pay and conditions are so crap, you'll be long gone and off to sack a few thousand more people in your next high powered post to receive another few million on top of the £2m bonus you received last year....

Mr. Books reads poetry live on radio....

It's National Poetry Day today as not many people realise. I informed our local radio station, KMFM, of this and they of course had no clue. I contacted them by email mainly to plug the Poetry Night at the Ivy House pub tonight and cheekily offered to read out a poem on air, not thinking for a moment that they would take me up on it. A foolish thought as it turned out. Vanessa Elms, who was the DJ on air at the time, called me up and called my bluff. Half an hour later I was listening to myself being interviewed and reading out my own poem, Multimedia, on the programme. Now that was strange, but thanks for the opportunity Ness (as I believe she prefers to be called). She sort of half promised to turn up tonight and read out some Pam Ayres "A wished I'd looked after me teeth" which would be nice, I might even buy her a pint if she does....

Up up and away....

Driving back into Tonbridge from a day trip last Sunday evening I almost crashed my car when a hot air balloon floated right across my vision. We see them fairly often I know, but this one was pretty much right in front of me as it looked like it was about to land in Tonbridge school fields having just about brushed the roof tops of Dry Hill Park. The balloonist would, no doubt, say that he had it completely under control but I'm not so sure. Anyway it brightened up an otherwise very dull journey. Wished I'd had my camera on me, but if I'd taken a photo then I really would have crashed the car!...

Please God I want to win the lottery....

And don't we all! But actually this is the title of a new book about to be launched by local author and publisher, Clayton Caine aka Angus Kennedy. I haven't read all of it yet but at first glance it seems to be an intriguing account of one man's struggle with the mediocrity of normal half- fulfilled, trapped commuter life, feeling like a drone. Many of us will recognise the symptoms in the opening chapters; then just when you are wondering where the book is going it takes a rather bizarre twist; I won't ruin it for you by telling you what that twist is and as I said I've only scanned it after that point in the story. If I had to compare it to other books I'd say it was something on the lines of Nick Hornby's High Fidelity with bits of Bridget Jones Diary thrown in with a twist of the Northern Lights Daemons for good measure. Worth a read I'd say, and actually you can read the first three chapters on Clayton Caine's web site now by clicking on his name above, so you don't even have to leave your chair! And of course I have a signed copy of the original first edition proof just in case Clayton turns out to be the next Terry Pratchett or JK Rowling....

And the nominees for the worst local radio ads are....

Just MOTs with their catchy line "Just MOTs", Lincoln Furniture for "He's thinking Lincoln, thinking Lincoln all the time, he's thinking Lincoln." These two, and there are probably many others, really annoy the hell out of me as they are played virtually every ad break on KMFM, the best music variety, KMFM (sorry but these ads really do get in your head) I wonder what the weather is like outside, with Budget Carpets and beds....

Tonbridgeblog, probably the best blog in Kent....

Driving past Express Kebabs on Quarry Hill Parade at the South end of Tonbridge High Street the other day when I noticed their new shop front sign making the rather bold claim of making "The best Kebabs in Kent" One question: how do they know? Have they tried them all? Have they conducted extensive research amongst all the people coming home from all the pubs in Kent, or even a representative sample of them. Or have they even asked the people in Tonbridge what they think. I've had burgers and kebabs over the years from them and I would say that they are pretty good, they've certainly been in business long enough so they must be doing something right. But to claim they are the best in Kent? Isn't that just a step too far? I mean surely there has to be some control over what shops can and can't say. I wonder what the boys who run the kebab shop opposite the Medway School of Dance, at the North end of the High Street, would have to say about this claim. I might even ask them next time I fancy a donner or shish with masses of salad and a bucket full of chilli source on top. Anyway I must go now as I have to get on to my sign writer about that new sign outside my shop...."The best bookshop in the South East of England!"

Art mart....

Tonbridge blog likes to support local artists and local arts wherever possible. Recently, as aforementioned, I visited to the Art on the Railings exhibition, organised by the, so called, "Platonic Artists" who are Sue Vass and Wendy Asprey. I love Sue's work, one of which above, but not necessarily to hang on my wall. Some of her images I find quite haunting; whilst I admire and appreciate that, I would probably find most of her work too disturbing to have in my home. I don't like Wendy's paintings any more than Sues but they are more hang-upable in my opinion. In fact, thinking about it, her work is probably more commercial and Sue just expresses her feelings totally within her pictures and sculptures. I decided to buy one of Wendy's paintings for a not inconsiderable sum, as a birthday present for my wife partly because she liked it and I liked it, and partly, I'm afraid, it fitted in nicely with the new decor in our lounge. That probably makes me a complete philistine, but surely that consideration has to come into it when buying art; I'm drawing a distinction between what you like looking at in a gallery and what you could live with in your hall, or living room in this case. Wendy doesn't have a web site but I'm sure she'll probably get round to it eventually, you can see (and buy) some of her paintings at Arcadia on Quarry Hill Parade; Sue's site is linked on the right of this page. If you can afford to buy some do it now before they become famous and their prices shoot up....

There’s no point in having a Civic Society….

Or is there? What the heck do they do? Surely they’re just a talking shop? They winge a lot, but do they actually do anything, achieve anything? It’s just for old fogies isn’t it? These are just some of the criticisms I hear levelled at the Tonbridge Civic Society, and I’ll wager that the same criticisms are being levelled at many other civic societies across the nation. Indeed many of them are dying out. Dying out mainly due to inertia as the social structure of our towns change. It’s very easy not to be bovvered and let others get on with running the town, then if you don’t like the results, to then just have a good old winge about “The Council” or “They” or “The government” or even just “Labour”! Well I’ll tell you something, Tonbridge Civic Society may not achieve instant results but at least they are bovvered. Bothered about the look of the town, bothered about the architecture of our town, bothered about old trees being hacked down to make way for modern buildings. As far as I can see they have no hidden agenda, they have no political or religious bias, they are a charity, with no paid staff only volunteers, there are no secret hand shakes and they don’t wear animal skin cloaks and chant strange phrases; the chairman and the senior officers on the committee, in spite of their advancing years, work tirelessly to assess building designs, attend planning meetings, produce newsletters and force meetings with employees in the many relevant departments at TMBC and Kent County Council, as well as countless other commercial organisations. They desperately need new blood in the society, because the old faithfuls cannot go on forever, indeed nor should they. There must be thousands of capable people who have benefitted, and will benefit in the future, themselves from the work of these people so maybe it’s time to make a move to put something back. It’s true that they can only ever make small gains here and there; block offending planning consent here, shame a landlord into replacing an old plaque there. But surely that’s better than everyone sitting on their hands and turning a blind eye to an eyesore of a building here and leaving a new road route unchallenged there….

They've got some brass neck...

On heritage day at Tonbridge Castle, there were hundreds of visitors sitting on the lawn listening to the sedate sounds of the Cranbrook Brass Band. As I relaxed in the sunshine I couldn’t quite make out the tune they were playing. Obviously it was some old fogies piece that I’d never heard of; but no I recognised it. Then it dawned on me that they were playing that well known classical number Let Me Entertain You by Robbie Williams. What next The Ace of Spades by Motorhead in the style of When the Saints Go Marching in! It tickled me anyway!...

Your friendly and versatile Post Office....

Does anyone remember when the Post Office used to sell stamps and send your parcels off for you and maybe take care of some useful things like passports and car road tax. The nearest they got to diversifying their sales was to sell the odd commemorative coin collection if there was a Royal wedding or something. It seems these days you can't buy a first class stamp anymore without walking through isle upon isle of racks selling cd's, dvd's computer printers, maps, books, shredder machines, boxes for wrapping your ebay sold items in and other non essentials. Then when you finally get to the front of the queue you are further subjected to a large LED tv screen trying to sell you the new Post Office home and contents insurance or National Savings, or mobile phone services. The other day when I'd just about given up the will to live and the computer voice told me to go to number 7 and I'd finally reached the dear lady in the serving hatch to renew my car tax, which was of course dealt with swiftly and efficiently , it wasn't enough just to leave it there she had to ask me rather sheepishly if I minded them contacting me when my car insurance was due for renewal; I said yes I did mind and it was left there. Why can't we just go into the main post office to post our parcels without being subjected to this tirade of them touting for their own business. If I want to renew my insurance I'll look in Yellow Pages for an insurance broker thanks all the same....

Tonbridge blog in the Sun newspaper....

I haven't seen the article but apparently the Tonbridge blog posting on Pastor Foxwell's "cure for cancer" was quoted in the Sun a few days ago. In fact a press agency, Kent News and Pictures, based in Maidstone, tried to make contact with me for a comment so the story may have appeared elsewhere. Convieniently I was going away on hols that day so declined the offer. Honestly those leeches in the gutter press will turn anything into a "story." Maybe I'll become hot news like I did when I leaked a letter from the ex Head Teacher of Hildenborough School about her banning children from watching the cult comedy, Little Britain. I was interviewed by the Courier and they put the story on page three and on the main comment page. Then the leeches began sucking the blood out of the story, first came the local radio stations, then the national press wanted a quote and then BBC News SE joined in and camped outside the school one evening. They had asked me to do an interview at home whilst watching TV; I would probably have gone for it for a laugh, but my wife, very sensibly drew the line at that! I think she was right. Still, having worked for the Daily Mirror for years, it was interesting to be on the end of it all. But please not again just yet....

Holiday in Tonbridge....

Why go anywhere else but this beautiful town in the heart of the Garden of England. Fruit trees are beckoning us to take their juicy ripe fruit, the fields are getting ready for harvest. The beer is hoppy and superb, the Tonbridge lasses are fair of face, the smell of summer is in the air and all around us and the restaurants are keen to serve us their delicious fayre. There are days out around and about aplenty, there's steam railways, country walks, swimming pols and parks. I hope you enjoy staying in this wonderful town for your holidays; meanwhile Tonbridge blog is off to Cornwall for a few days to catch some sun and surf....

New "Cure for cancer" comes to Tonbridge....

There is a report on the front page of today's Courier about the development of the River Centre Church in Medway Wharf Road. Tonbridge blog is certainly not anti-Church but finds some of the implications in the language used by Rupert Foxwell, the church's pastor, as somewhat disturbing to say the least. According to the report, Mr. Foxwell thinks that he can make his church and indeed Tonbridge itself a "cancer free zone." Presumably he aims to achieve this by installing sophisticated medical equipment in the centre or by employing a team of specialist doctors and consultants. WRONG! He intends to cure the chronically sick by the simple method of placing a hand upon them! Call me cynical but surely that would make them feel good for a few hours at best; although, that said, maybe giving them some hope is better than no hope. I'm also disturbed that he thinks that the answer to the problems of the town's youths is to turn them to the church and to invite them to come and study for a year. This, he thinks, will give them renewed hope and a sense of purpose; but then so would taking up a sport, or going on a long walking holiday, or following a football team or getting a decent job or even a new boyfriend or girl friend. I'm sorry but telling people that all of life's answers lay in following God United has another name for it: indoctrination. The building may end up looking beautiful in the heart of the town, and frankly any new development can only be good for our languishing town centre, but I'm sorry to disappoint you children of Tonbridge, that doesn't make ex-merchant banker and solicitor Rupert Fox's way forward the right path....

Sing if you're glad to be gray....

I'm thinking of starting a march and festival not called Gay Pride but Gray Pride which will stand up for the rights of people with grey hair to show it off and not be ashamed of it! This has been building up inside me now for around twenty years, which coincided with my first grey hair sprouting on my fringe of my thick head of very dark brown hair. Now I've always had and still have a thick thatch of hair and, rather than thinning like my elder brother's, it seems to have got steadily greyer. My initial reaction with the early offending grey hairs was to pluck them out so as not to appear to be getting older; with the passing years that approach would have left me with hardly any hair at all. More recently the greyness has spread to my chest and other areas of the body which we won't go into! About fifteen years or more ago I grew my first goaty beard, in fact my first beard of any kind, to which the landlady of the pub near where I used to work in London, who had never even spoken to me before, reacted with "Oh no love it makes you look about 45!" Well now I am 45 and do you know what I'm now proud to be grey, I'm coming out, I'm singing that I'm proud to be grey! I'm growing a full beard at the moment and I can see the reactions in people's faces, they don't have to say it, although some have, "you look like an old tramp; you're too old and grey to grow a beard; if you shave you look ten years younger, etc. etc." Well I don't want to look young, I'm not young, I'm now going to deliberately try to look older. If you see me and my grey hair and beard around Tonbridge High Street toot your car horn in support, wear a Gray Pride badge or car sticker. If you are grey and covering it up with hair colouring come and join me, come out. So I'm standing up for gray rights, come and join me for an evening of sitting in a rocking chair and smoking a pipe on the veranda at a date to be decided if I can remember to arrange it....

Heatwave....

In between moaning about how crap the summer is this year and will the rain hold off for that week off I've got planned it's easy to forget that this time last year we were moaning for a completely different reason.... the heatwave! Here's a snippet from Tonbridge blog Summer 2006. Yes it really has been going that long! and yes I really am getting that desperate for things to write and yes I really do need a holiday!...
"The longer this heatwave goes on the more bad tempered everyone becomes. Bus drivers are shouting at other car drivers if they are blocked for more than about ten seconds, pedestrians are walking around puffing and looking fed up, cats and dogs are no longer running anywhere, cars are overheating and using up precious petrol because of their air con units (how did we all ever cope by just opening the windows?) construction workers are on the top of scaffolding virtually naked to make sure they get a long lasting tan, flowers and shrubs are wilting, apples are ripening before their time, couples are arguing more, people are smelling more, school boys are looking extremely unconfortable with their ties half way around their waists, teenagers seem to drop litter more because they can't spare the effort to walk to a bin, I can't sleep because it's too hot in the bedroom so I'm writing this drivel. You see we just aren't made for this kind of weather and yet the weather men bang on about it being glorious weather when no one is really enjoying it. So let's all take a chill pill and get through it....

Tonbridge has a Priory?...

HAD a priory more to the point, until the railway builders wrecked what was left of it in the 1840s. Because it was pre photography we can only admire the building from old prints and paintings. I have written about this on other occasions, but I'm always amazed at the number of people I speak to who have no idea that it existed. There is no plaque or sign to mark its position in the town, nothing other than the clues given to us by the names of builidings and street names. St Augustine House, Priory Road, Priory Street, Priory Vet Surgery, Mary Magdalen House Old People's Home to name some of them. Thanks to Shaun Jeffrey's site Tonbridge Collectables for the pic (see his link on the right hand column)....

Just to be fair I'll have a go at Somerfield now....

Just so you don't think that Tonbridge blog has got it in for Sainsbury's I'll show you that I'm even handed and can have a dig at the other super market chains equally well! My wife told me yesterday that during her brief whiz around Somerfield in Tonbridge she attempted to purchase a fresh basil plant. It was the last one but was actually really fresh looking and quite the perfect specimen. She popped it into her shopping basket only to be accosted by a shop assistant telling her, politely but firmly, that she couldn't take that one as it was past its sell by date. She replied that it seemed to be the only one left on the shelf and indeed it was. She said that she would like it anyway, despite it being one day older than it should have been, but he was having none of it and refused to be persauded. Can you imagine that happening in a small shop, or on a market stall. Surely if it looks and smells fresh, then they could sell it; it wasn't poultry, meat or fish but a basil plant for God's sake! and, after all, it was money in their till. Has the world of big business led us to this? I cannot believe that this is an isolated incident. We all know that this kind of attitude makes no sense to anyone, except that is to the hidden world behind the price tag which says you can't have that because we are more afraid of getting our arses sued than we are concerned for you and you culinery requirements! They won't tell you that to your faces but that's what it amounts to....

Tonbridge or Sainsbridge....

People are always moaning to me about how much influence and power Sainsbury's wield in our town and I used to think that it was just bleeting. Now I'm not so sure. Ever since the stores group spent a reported £3.5 million on a refurbishment they seem to have carte blanche to put up road signs and banners wherever they like. I was driving around the Canon Lane area and off the A21 South roundabout when I noticed a yellow direction arrow on a lamp post pointing to the "Superstore", a bit further along there was another, then another, then another at each junction thereafter, until a left turn off towards the town confirmed that the superstore in question was in fact just the new look Sainsbury's. If you get up closer to the store, as I did this morning, you'll see huge banners making bold claims about the new store which, by all accounts, has had a bit more than a lick of paint. I can't comment on the inside of the store as I haven't had the pleasure yet. I haven't seen an signs for Waitrose, Lidl or Somerfield on may travels around the town, so how come Sainsbury's get away with it? Presumably they did have permission from the council to put them up. They already occupy the most central and prominent part of the whole town, which they helped recreate into a concrete jungle and unofficial skateboard park, so why do they need to emblazon their ads across the rest of the town. Enough is enough for Lord Sainsbury and his crew, we are not Sainsbridge we are Tonbridge. TMBC stop licking their hygenic boots and let the penny drop, this town survived medieval sieges, Henry VIII's Reformation and the Luft waffe bombing it, it will long out live a chain of food shops. And by the way, how is it possible to spend £3.5 million on a store reopening, that's a hell of alot of loaves of bread at 78p each to sell; surely getting Kelly Holmes to cut a ribbon can't cost that much, especially when she's on contract with them anyway!....

Restaurant review: Alishan Indian restaurant....

Last night, a little merry after the poetry night at the Ivy House, I ventured into the Alishan, Tonbridge's posh Indian Restaurant, rather late with my wife. I was starving having had only a small sandwich for lunch and nothing since then except around six pints of Carlsberg lager. By now it was around ten to eleven and the restaurant was empty, save for some stragglers on one table, who looked like a group of old friends or work colleagues. Could they fit us in? we sarcastically asked, while looking at the empty tables across the room. They could but we'd have to be out by about 11-30 came the reply form the trendy looking Indian waiter . When they said that we almost walked out because we did want to relax and enjoy the meal after a long day. We were glad that we didn't though because the food was superb and just what the doctor ordered! We shared starters which included onion barghees which were more like onion rings, but absolutely delicious and then my wife had korai king prawn, rice and ocra side dish. I'm afraid I went for my usual, England's most popular dish so I'm told, a chicken tika mossala; not very exciting but beautifully cooked, served and tasting divine. I had two, completely unnecessary, cobra beers, but they were ice cold and just right. The service was friendly, and attentive, but not overly so, the waiters were bordering on cocky, but they never over stepped the line. We were rushed a little by the speed of the courses arriving, but that was unstandable I suppose, given the lateness of our arrival there. The bill came to a little over £45 for the two of us, which took me aback slightly as we were in and out the restaurant in around 50 minutes; but my wife had had the most expensive meal on the menu (just about) and it was a thoroughly enjoyable meal. I've only been once before to the Alishan since they opened, as we usually have take aways these days, but I'll certainly be going back. I'll be getting around a few of Tonbridge's other restaurants in the near future and reporting back. I'll do it Michael Winner style and always pick up the tab so as not to feel beholden to any commercial influences. So please no offers of free meals cos it won't do you any good, I'll still write exactly what I feel. Oh alright then perhaps I'll take you up on that free pizza at Pizza Express, oh go on then ASK I'll take that free bowl of spagetti vogole, if it's still on offer and I haven't had Thai food for a while....

Poetry at the Ivy....

Two words for last nights poetry night at the Ivy House pub: blummin fantastic! After around half a dozen turn out last month there were around 25 to thirty people who had bothered to come out and listen to, read and perform their poems, and some favourites by more famous poets. I had a few too many pints of lager (well it was a hot evening and I need to chill out a little!) but managed to keep stringing my verses together. Poetry groups came from Tunbridge Wells, Penshurst and Sevenoaks, others came from further afield. I hope that everyone had a chance to read their's out if they wanted to and that my wife didn't dominate too much, she likes to do that but that's a different story! (ooh er missus!) It would be god to see just as many next time, and a few new faces, on Thursday September 6th and then on the first thursday of each month....

A 12 storey tower block!...in Tonbridge??!

Surely not! But yes that seems to be on the cards down by the river. What's more in is basically going to be a training centre for church ministers with a specilaly designed prayer room at the very top of the tower, presumably to bring them as close to God as it's possible to be in Tonbridge. You will be able to see this tower from virtually anywhere in the town. Is it a good thing for the town, will it lift us to a more modernistic future, or should we stay as a quaint little market town (by the way with no market!) ?? I have a view on this that the tower will dominate the sky line too much and that the building does look a little like a rounded 1960s tower block, but my tastes are a little conservative. What do you all think, let's have your views....

Tonbridge blog holding steady....

Despite the site going down for a few days at the end of the month, Tonbridge blog had just about the same number of hits (page views) in July as in June. So with the few thousand extra it would have got, I think we'll call that a steady increase. In fact an incredible 35,529 hits were totted up for the month. So if you're listening Tonbridge Audi and Fidelity Investments, that's probably alot more than The Tonbridge or The Best of Tonbridge put together. It's just a shame I'm not taking any advertisement banners on the site; no not even if you go down on your hands and knees and beg me. Fifty grand? Oh alright then; how big would you likethe banners to be and would you like me to write an advertorial to go with that sponsored page!?...

Le Tour shame....

What are those guys playing at? All they have to do is stay clean for a couple of years to restore faith in the Tour de France but, oh no, they just can't resist the chance to gain glory, however ill-gotten. As the latest shamed cyclist Vinokourov, or the drugs pedaller as some of the papers are calling him (geddit?), leaves the race in disgrace Tonbridge blog asks this question: did any of the cyclists stop at the Castle Pharmacy, at the top of the High Street, to stock up on amphetamines and anabolic steroids on their way through Tonbridge on July 8th?...

Tonbridge blog has a stalker....

A lady walked into my shop yesterday and, after a while of her browsing the books, I struck up a conversation. "I feel like a stalker!" she declared whilst eyeing up the local interest section. "How do you mean?" I said, curiously and more than a little worriedly. She explained that I had been quite a large part of the reason she had moved to Tonbridge as she had discovered Tonbridge blog which, so far as she could tell, was the only truely independent source of information on the town. She had wondered whether to move to Tunbridge Wells or Sevenoaks but instead had plumped for our fair town based on information gleaned from T blog; and very welcome she is too. I'm thinking of asking for commission from the council or someone. Mind you judging by some of the comments you'd have thought that reading this blog would have put her off!...

Sofa (not) so good....

If you are thinking of buying a sofa from DFS think again. You'll be impressed with their friendly, cuddly advertising, where every one is lying around on beautiful leather setees and virtually sinking into them; pretty ladies lounge on them as they gaze lovingly at their handsome partners in dust free spotless living rooms. It may be that I just had a bad experience with them but when we had a problem with our sofa, which we bought from their Sidcup branch (well before the Tunbridge Wells one opened) ie. the sofa completely collapsed I, admittedly stupidly, took the fabric covering off the back and had a go at repairing it. To my horror what lay under that fabric was a shoddy looking wooden frame which had basically been stapled together. There wasn't a dovetail joint, tenon or bevel in sight; not even so much as a dowel pegging it together. In short cheaply produced, superficial; all gloss and no substance. You might say you get what you pay for, but for around £750, which I think is what we paid for it I thought I could expect better. It is only in the the last few days that I thought I'd put pen to paper (actually it was finger to keyboard) and record my complaint to them, just for the record, and in the hope that whilst they probably have no legal reason to compensate, then they might feel they had a moral one; some hope of that! They were very prompt in dealing with my complaint, I'll give them that, but it was dealt with like a production line enquiry, swiftly, effeciently and cold heartedly. Their response convinced me that mine was not the only letter of complaint by a long stretch! If you want my advice go somewhere else for your lounge furniture, some where that doesn't spend literally millions of pounds on advertising so that it can churn out cheaply produced throwaway garbage like DFS. I'll let you form your own opinions if you can be bothered to read the correspondence below....
My email to their head office:
"
My wife and I bought a sofa and foot stool from you around seven years ago, at your store in Sidcup, which turned out to be a bad experience which I think may have put us off ever buying from DFS again. We were happy with the purchase originally and impressed enough with the level of service and credit terms etc. However, after three years, the sofa had collapsed as the frame spilt at both the front and the back after only average family use. Surely three years should not be the lifetime of a sofa even in this throwaway age! Rather stupidly perhaps I repaired the sofa with lots of screws which has done the job of at least holding the structure together, albeit sagging in the middle. I am, in retrospect, convinced that this was almost certainly a design fault. More recently the springs have gone on one of the seats; now I am not a particularly large person and have done nothing over these years other than sit in the chair; unfortunately it now feels more like sitting in a bucket!
Believing that I had no cause for compensation after the first year I have not complained about this until now; legally this may be the case, I am checking on that, but is that morally right? The experience has left me and my family with a bitter taste in our mouths about DFS and it would be hard to see that we would ever consider making another purchase with you, which is a shame because the furniture you advertise always looks so eye catching and smart. It's a shame that, in our experience at least the image didn't live up to the reality.
I would be very grateful if you could let me know where I stand on this matter from your perspective and to pass this letter on to whoever else it may concern,

Your Faithfully
Mark Richardson

Their reply today (nb. no names given, just DFS):
"Hello and thank you for your e-mail.We apologise that you have felt it necessary to contact us regarding your order.We have been able to locate your order (37.36840) and can see that this was delivered to you on 1st March 2000. Our suites carry a two year guarantee against any manfacturing defects. We notice from our records that you have not contacted us at any time regarding any problem with your suite and unfortunately after this period of time we would not be able to assist further.Kind regardsDFS

Alice in Tonbridgeland....Tonbridge is under seige!

I couldn’t resist an invitation to see a play called Alice by HillviewSchool for Girls and Trinity Youth Theatre last Saturday evening, performed in and all around TonbridgeCastle. The play was written and directed by Graham Shackell. There were no seats, just yellow wrist bands to indicate that you were a member of the audience. Rather like the style of the recent community play we were invited to follow the cast around as the scenes unfolded in various locations.
In Scene 1 the men, mostly played by girls, prepared for the coming battle; we were informed in traditional story-telling style what possibly lay ahead. We were warned of a possible siege of the ancient castle at Tonbridge. The play was loosely based on historical fact; Gilbert, Lord of Tonbridge was a powerful nobleman in the thirteenth century and it is suggested that his wife Alice, a French countess was a notorious trouble maker and flirt and that she had the means and power to manipulate political situations.

The cast then moved around to the fields by the castle, where we witnessed, in a great cloud of smoke, a high impact charge of the medieval army about to lay siege to the Castle walls. We were then split into smaller “peasant militia squads” and led through the Castle chambers, dungeons and passageways for scenes of anguish, soldiers dying of their wounds and women in child birth, howling in agony as the too busy surgeon was unable to cope with the demand for his services. The woman was told that her needs were trifling next to those of the wounded soldiers; shortly afterwards she died!

There was a blind man warning us of ensuing gloom and a cheeky young lad scaring people by jumping out from behind barrels of supplies. They made magnificent use of all the existing wax work figures, dark places, supplies and weaponry which were already within the gatehouse museum; the atmosphere in the dark walls was absolutely perfect for the event.

After the troops have been rallied in the great hall of the Castle the lovers escape and the play finished with the amazing drama of canon fire, drum beats, and fight scenes up the Castle wall near the water gate. All of which was helped by battle cries and pyrotechnics along the outer walls of the Castle.

This was a superb performance by these talented young people, who had worked on rehearsals over the last few months, often in the middle of important school exam weeks. The performance was full of impact and made creative and innovative use of props and existing scenery. I loved the way the audience was encouraged to mingle with the actors, which gave a distinct feeling of them actually being part of the performance, which indeed we were. I’m not sure I quite managed to follow all of the intricacies of the plot, but you know that didn’t really seem to matter as everyone left the Castle that evening feeling like they had seen something rather special. Well I did anyway....

Scumbridge!!!!

This was posted as a comment against Fancy a beer in the evening? a recent article (scroll down to view) I thought it was worthy of a bit more exposure so here it is in full; and the anonymous commenter really did write the last line!
"What a depressing read! I just spent a good 20 minutes trawling through the comments about the pubs in Tonbridge on www.beerintheevening.com, and boy is that a complete downer. Almost every pub in the surrounding area is described in a derogatory manner.OK, Tonbridge (or Scumbridge as it's increasingly being called) has its faults. Tonbridge Town Planners have yet to work out what a plan actually is, it's intimidating to walk through the High Street sometimes, Tonbridge doesn't need another mobile phone, charity or betting shop and I have yet to spot a Police Officer outside of the Punch & Judy pub. However, Tonbridge has lots to offer: the parks are great, the castle is spectacular, the north end of town (around the castle) is lovely and has great potential, the public transport is excellent, the list goes on. We're all too happy to criticise but not to compliment.So, it got me to thinking... I've stayed in a variety of places whilst working over the last few years and, with a few exceptions, Tonbridge stands head and shoulders above most towns. Yes, you can't compare it to a pretty village like Goudhurst or a town of great historic standing like Stratford; but put it up against the likes of Slough or Barrow and it's wonderful!What we need to do is encourage people to celebrate the best in things and compare what Tonbridge has to offer with other towns of similar size.If all people want to do is whinge and complain then they should f*ck off and live somewhere else, 'cause you can bet your bottom dollar that they're exactly the people Tonbridge would be better off without. I'm not saying it's bad to complain, but people should do it in a positive manner. Put forward proactive suggestions for how to improve. Pressure your local MP or Councillor. Take action and Tonbridge will improve!Long live the Tonbridge Blog!"

The word on the streets....of Tunbridge Wells!...

Believe it or not there is a blog site called Street Photography Tunbridge Wells. Sounds highly improbable? Somebody 'avin a giraffe? Wise up ya'll cos the word is up! Actually though it's really good; some of the images are excellent, which just goes to show you don't have to travel to the Bronx, Brixton or Birmingham Alabama to get snaps of street culture. I guess the answer lies how good the photography is and how imaginative the photographer....

Fancy a beer in the evening?...

Some of you are probably aware that my favourite pub in Tonbridge has always been the Ivy House. I'm not sure what it is; it could be the bare floorboards, the old fire place the low ceilings, the well kept beer. I'm not sure but I do know I like sitting in there, sometimes on my own to read the paper, other times to have a chat, and more recently for poetry nights. There's a fantastic web site called beer in the evening on which you can research pubs in a given location and read the comments and views of other customers. I suspect that some of the comments have been put in by landlords and spin doctors but I'm sure that some will be authentic ones. Just search by town on the home page by keying in Tonbridge and find out how awful the beer is said to be in the Chequers and how the Thai food is sadly missed at the Punch and Judy, or indeed how one customer on the Cardinals Error claims to have spotted Nelly the lady ghost in there on several occasions (usually after a skin full of lager!) It's worth a butcher's hook....

Sex Shop Street....

Does anyone remember where Priory Road is? Is it Priory Street or Priory Road that runs along side the railway tracks? An overheard comment by a school girl on her mobile coming out of Tonbridge railway station this morning suggests an easy way to remember where certain roads are located and leaves us in no doubt. "I'll meet you at the corner of Sex Shop Street!" she bellowed to her friend. Now everyone knows where that is!...

A hundred grand for a zebra crossing, surely not!...

I wrote to Godfrey Horne nearly one year ago requesting that there should be a pedestrian crossing at the top of Quarry Hill near the bus stops, I've tried to phone him a few times since and have copied him my previous email more recently once. Scroll down to article entitled An accident waiting to happen. Still no reply from Mr. Horne, who apparently represents you and I on Kent County Council; the roads and crossings are part of that brief. This was and still is my understanding of the situation; if I am incorrect then a brief "It's not me, so please speak to so and so...." would have been nice from Godfrey, or is he above all that?. In fact I have heard, from a reasonably reliable source, that in fact this crossing has been looked into and rejected on the basis that it would cost too much. So, what price a child's life? I'm convinced that an accident is waiting to, and will, happen, and I must admit I have a personal interest in this. The figure I heard from this reliable source is that it would cost.... wait for it.... a staggering £100,000 to have a crossing built there. WHAT? Did I hear that right? I didn't ask for a house to be built there, just a simple pelican or even zebra crossing! But yes that is the rough sum of money needed for one. Now accepting that is the case, which I find astounding, is even that amount too much to save just one child crossing the road after a day at school from being flattened by a speeding lorry hurtling down the hill in its haste to make a delivery in Tonbridge. I really hope to God that it never happens; if it does I'm sure that you Godfrey Horne can make the phone call to the child's mother....
PS. How much did KCC spend on the barriers to keep the spectators off the road during Sunday's Tour de France? How many zebra crossings could have been built with that money?

Le Tour il arrive et il depart a Tonbridge vitement....

It came and it went! Thousands of Kent folk from all around lined every stretch of the race route three deep, people climbed up lamp posts, up step ladders and hung out of windows to gain a better vantage point. Then, after a seemingly long wait, the promo caravans, looking colourful, French and very flamboyant; then we had a long wait until a small leading group came flying by, lots of motorcyclists, gendarmes, and then a hugh bunch of cyclists, the peloton, decked out in a fabulous array of bright colours whirred by in a what seemed like an instant. A thousand digital cameras snapped in unison, a million moments captured within a few, all too brief, seconds. All over very quickly but what a spectacle. Great for the town. I've never seen so many happy faces around since Kelly Holmes triumph. Wonderful. Vive Le Tour! I may even buy a bike....

Papier mache cyclists invasion....

There's a wonderful display of papier mache figures celebrating the Tour de France's visit to Tonbridge on the big bridge. It was dreamt up bythe art department of Weald of Kent Girls Grammar School and brilliantly executed. I particularly enjoyed the French stereotype in the pic above which was taken last night. Spare a thought for the two security guards who had to watch over it all night, and I kid you not!

Le Tour is nearly 'ere...

Or nearly ici as they say in Franglais. And he prize for the best High Street window display for the best florist goes to.... Country Gardens for this magnificently simple arrangement which Tonbridge blog spotted last night....

Painting in the Angel Centre....

If you haven't seen it already you must, no you really must, take a minute or three to admire the magnificent painting by Mike Insley which was commissioned by the Tonbridge Civic Society and recently given to the Angel Centre to hang in the inner lobby. It is actually more or less copied from a photo which still hangs in the upstairs bar of the centre. As you can see above it depicts a scene of much more genteel days; you can seen the curious mixture of the new horseless variety with more traditional carriages. The people in Edwardian dress (not that surprising because it was in 1906) socialising, marquees line the boundary, children playing. You have to see the original to really appreciate the detail which the artist has portrayed. The most amazing thing about this painting is that this beautiful setting is now the Sainsbury's car park and the Angel centre. Now there's progress for you....

I know it's raining but....

Something really tickled me this morning on my way to work and made me chuckle out loud. Passers by must have thought me a little crazy in the head! On the side of the swimming pool alongside the river, and nowhere near the High Street, there is a banner sign hanging up which reads something like "Tonbridge Swimming Pool Welcomes the Tour de France" Just one question: WHY? Are the cyclists so used to the wet English weather that they have redirected Le Tour through the open air pool and then along the river and back to the High Street. I'm all for embracing the spirit of the event this weekend but this has gone a little far don't you think? What's that all about council leisure services? That sign, I estimate would have cost you and I (tax payers) in the region of £300 to design and produce and for what?....

Le rant about Le Tour roadworks...

I am as excited about the Tour de France passing through the fair town of Tonbridge as the next man but I can't help thinking that the council has got a little carried away with road repairs over the last couple of weeks. Only last week they were carrying out repairs to the top end of the High Street; now I see that they are digging up the road today exactly opposite where they were last week. It beggars belief! Although, I must say, the whole of the route along the A26 to Tunbridge Wells is pot hole city. I'm thinking of sueing the Highways department for new shock absorbers. Did we not know nearly two years ago that Le Tour would be coming to town? Frankly if it needed doing, and it did, why the hell hasn't it been done long before now, or are the international visitors more important than the rest of us?...

A bit of a drag....

Well this is it smokers, the ban in public places comes into force from tomorrow. It will be good news for many non-smokers, like some I know, who simply avoid pubs with small enclosed bars. Unfortunately those bars tend to be the nice old fashioned snugs of the older and country pubs which are usually the places with all the character. Many of those ancient pubs will have the nicotine stained ceilings of several hundred years of clay pipes, cuban cigars, Marlboro's, Rothman's, B&H Embassy's and roll ups. Although, on the whole Tonbridge blog, is in favour of the ban, I can't help thinking that certain pubs will loose some of their character because of the ban. Only a couple of nights ago I sat in the main bar of the Ivy House in Tonbridge and watched as a few of the regulars puffed away, quite innocently, whilst chatting away with their friends. I'm sure that many a nervous groom has gone in that same bar on a Saturday afternoon for a last minute pint and a fag. It's a tricky one, so you have to say let's just see how it goes, but I guess what I'm driving at is it's just part of the scene in some older pubs. On the other hand I get annoyed when I hear some people say things like "If people don't like smoke then they don't have to go in there!" That is true, but sometimes it would be nice to go there without nearly choking and coming home with cloths and hair reeking of nicotine. Why should the smokers have it all their way? why should they drive people out of the pubs with the most traditional character. So on balance the ban is probably a good idea, but a certain part of me will miss that indescribable atmosphere created by the mixed smells of beer and baccy. Maybe landlords will be able to buy it in a can to spray around the saloon bar....

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want....

I want a High Street without queues of traffic every day; I want no more road works stopping people getting to school and work on time, causing road rage and stressed out humans. That's what I, as the Spice Girls would say, want, what I really really want....

Tonbridge and Malling Council respond to More Flowers in High Street campaign....

They have listened to reason, they aren't just distant cold fishes tangled up in bureaucratic red tape! Those lovely people at King's Hill, in response to Tonbridge blog's campaign to bring more flowers to the High Street in time for the forth coming visit from the pointy heads Tour de France competitors, have now added large plastic flower boxes on top of most of the street barriers in the southern half of town. This in addition to the hanging baskets mentioned a week or so ago. (They will probably say that they were doing it anyway, but that's something we'll never know for sure!) It's not going to win any Kent in Bloom prizes, but it's an improvement....

What the f**# are they singing about in opera?....

I first saw Mark Thomas back in the 1980s on my first ever visit to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square; he was one of a new breed of so-called alternative comedians and went down extremely well in the Saturday night cauldron that was the Comedy Store. Those gigs could go either way depending on the sort of crowd that was in that night. Basically the stand up comics had about twenty seconds to please the audience, to make them at least titter, otherwise they were told to get off by the baying audience and, if the heckles were bad enough, shortly after by the compere. I seem to recall that Mark Thomas' routine opened with him saying those immortal words "What the f**# are they singing about in Opera?!" But I guess you had to be there, it really was the way he told 'em! Thomas survived that scene and has moved on to TV investigative programmes, but always with that biting wit which saw him through the early days. He's on tonight at the Trinity Arts theatre in Tunbridge Wells, and I couldn't resist the temptation of buying a ticket for his performance; I think this will be the forth time I will have seen him live. Whatever you think of his somewhat lefty politics, he's guaranteed to have you in stitches; and that is definitely the only thing he has in common with the late Bernard Manning....

Not an everyday eclipse....

Now it's not everyday that a very famous poet, perhaps the most famous contemporary poet, walks into your shop. I've been a fan of the Liverpool poet, and presenter of Radio 4's Poetry Please, Roger McGough for many years and I swear I've no idea how I didn't recognise him when he came to Tonbridge last year. He was performing his anthology Everyday Eclipses at Tonbridge school that evening and I was going to see him that evening; I'd even wondered earlier in the day whether or not he might stumble across my bookshop. It could have been that he was just an ordinary looking bloke in the flesh or that perhaps all the pictures you see of him are at least twenty years old. Whatever the reason it was only when he mentioned at the book signing after his performance that he had been in "the little book shop down the side street" that suddenly it clicked that he had eclipsed my doorway. I felt a poem coming on a few days after his visit; so as Pam Ayres used to say: ere's another one of me poems....

Not an Everyday Eclipse

Poetry please? (They should have said.)
“Quiet Izzy, there’s people in the shop!”
(I say, in hushed tones, to my daughter)

“Do you have a history section?”
“Over in the corner, lots of it.”
Izzy (whispers) “That old man has an ear ring!”
“Lots of people have ear rings” I whisper back,
“They’re not just for girls!”

“These two please,” the two men say;
“£17.50,” I say;
(A bit high brow for Tonbridge) I think to myself,
“See you,” I say.

Izzy was right, that old man did have an ear ring,
And his mate….

Why didn’t they ask for poetry please (I would have guessed it then!)
McGough, yeah, echoes from Merseyside, was in my shop,
Eclipsing my doorway for a fraction of two seconds
Once in and once out.


If you want to hear some poetry from the man himself, Roger Mcgough is performing at the Community Centre, Bat and Ball, Sevenoaks this Saturday, as part of the Sevenoaks Arts Festival. If you are lucky you might just be able to grab one of the few tickets remaining. I've got mine....

Tonbridge twirlers update....

What is it with these twirlers. Like the ones above at the recent Tonbridge Carnival. I'm afraid to say I just don't get it! It's obviously a life time passion for some of these girls and boys and I can see it's entertaining for a few minutes as we all marvel at how high they can throw that ?batton?, twirly stick thing Will she or won't she drop it? I'd pretty much forgotten about twirling for another year when I found myself drifting on to the channel showing the hit TV programme Britain's Got Talent last night and, after watching it against my better judgement, I have to admit that I found it strangely compelling. There were the street dancers, the annoying prococious, and yet cute little girl cockney-style singer, a strong man and woman who almost had sex on the stage (only a slight exaggeration) there was an old style club comedian (except he was only about seven years old there was a lively little mad girl dancing troup, and curiously a pretty lady who seemed to be shooting flames from her back side! and I kid you not. But the act that seemed to stand out for some bizare reason was, yes you've guessed it A TWIRLER! There was a bit of an emotional story attached to this particular twirling teenager; he had suffered from very low self esteem and the twirling had, quite literally saved him from going down a bad boy track. Even hardened judges like Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell were won over by this heart wrenching tale of hope from despair. And all because of twirling. Tonbridge blog now awaits the film version based on the same sort of theme as those wonderful flicks Brassed Off and The Full Monty. The sad end to this story was that it wasn't quite enough to get him through to the final, because at the end of the day the urban dancer boys had, let's face it, far more talent and the cute precocious cockney girl was just well granny-heart-meltingly cute, so would have obviously won the phone vote. But I'll tell you what he gave them all a damn good twirl for their money. So listen up Tonbridge twirlers: Tonbridge blog says KEEP ON TWIRLING....

Parish magazine, Contact, gets new writer!...

Nice to see that Contact, the Tonbridge Parish Church magazine has been able to attract some decent contributors! Those of you who have been reading Tonbridge blog for a while will possibly recognise the theme for a previous posting. Those clever editors at Contact mag decided to publish the article in full, so here it is, just in case you don't catch the church publication every month:
Book Fair this Sunday….No Thanks I’ve got the internet!...
Mark Richardson, of MR. Books, thoughts after being snubbed one morning whilst handing out flyers and telling commuters at Tonbridge Railway Station about the forthcoming Book Fair.
One dull morning recently I was up with the larks, well the commuters anyway, so that I could stand outside Tonbridge Station in order to hand out flyers for the West Kent Book Fair which was being held that weekend at TonbridgeSchool. Although the general reaction was very positive, ie. most people weren't too rude, and some even went out of their way, in their rush to catch their trains, to ask for a flyer; despite all that it was the flippant comment from one trendy, I might say geeky, looking youngish London-bound worker which really struck home. It's funny how one negative comment out of 3 or 4 hundred is the one which strikes home. To my question "Interested in the Book Fair at TonbridgeSchool this Sunday?" he replied in a somewhat cocky, almost matter of fact manner: "No thanks I've got the internet!" Under my breath I sarcastically muttered something about his comment being really funny, but the fact that I've remembered it, and been moved enough to write this piece about my thoughts, tells a different story. Is he right I wonder? This is a fundemental issue effecting the book trade right now, which this guy has just summed up in six flippant words. I do actually know (not think) know that he is actually wrong in his quick assessment for I too, in truth, could not do without the internet anymore than he probably could. I sell books on the internet, I use it as a global shop window for my business, I have a blog which I update almost daily, sometimes several times a day. I communicate with customers and other book sellers regularly by email. But you can't settle down with a good laptop, and you can't rustle your Daily Telegraph on the train on a wet Tuesday morning if it's in PDF format. You can't collect a rare book if it's virtual. The point is that the two mediums are not really in competition with each other, but rather they sit side by side. So I will continue to use the internet as a source of reference for many things, but it will never replace my reading when I want to relax, or stop me enjoying the traditional pleasure of browsing in the quiet of an old bookshop....

A new vicar for Tonbridge....

Tonbridge blog has been reliably informed that the parish church has, at last, found a new vicar with the appointment of Canon Mark Brown. He will be officially instituted, I think that's the right word, on September 27th by the Bishop of Rochester so I'm told. The one thousand year old church also has its own web site, now there's a surprise! I understand that the Rev. Stephen Seamer will be a tough act to follow so good luck to the new man in charge of the town centre's pastoral care, well some of you anyway....

Accidents waiting to happen, Part 2: Long grass on roundabouts....

What can be done to avoid the problem of the long grass which grows so prolifically on major roundabouts and junctions? I'm mainly referring to the junction at the top of Quarry Hill, where the A26 and the A21 cross over, although some of you may know of others. Articulated lorries, buses and fast moving cars come speeding off the A21 as vehicles try to enter the junction in order to turn right or go straight on towards Tunbridge Wells. The danger spot at the brow of the Hill, right on the busy junction would be a lot lot safer if we all went out and bought ourselves four wheel drive cars or people movers. That way we would be higher off the ground and clear of the three foot long meadow grass growing there. Great for the sales figures of Land Rover and Mitsubishi and it would be one solution, but since that would be both too expensive for most and bad for the environment there is another way forward. FOR GOD'S SAKE COUNCIL OR HIGHWAYS DEPARTMENT JUST CUT THE GRASS MORE OFTEN IN THE SPRING AND EARLY SUMMER WHEN IT GROWS QUICKER!!..

The Tonbridge twirlers strike again....

I've just come back from watching the Tonbridge carnival procession and I have to admit the prospect of watching those Tonbridge twirlers in action yet again when nursing a rare hang over was not one I was particularly relishing. What I saw though cheered me up no end. The sun was shining, the whole town seemed to be in the street and in the mood for a carnival. No Kelly Holmes this time (she did put in a surprise appearance last time around) but there were dancers, karate demonstrations, characters from Doctor Who, smiling school children in Edwardian dress, local theatre groups in Dad's Army attire, cars decked out aeroplanes and of course those twirlers!... (For more pictures see photo albums on the left column)

An alternative recipe for Tonbridge cake....

This was sent in by a reader who wishes to remain anonymous, so thanks alot Jim Tonbridge blog thought it was quite amusing, though not at all accurate af course!...
Recipe for Tonbridge cake

A splash of graffiti
Half a ton of pollution
A dozen burnt out buildings
One crumbled railway station
Several neglectful council officials
Ten echoing police sirens
Few late buses
16,000 Bacardi breezers (Alternatively use strong lager)
A drop tequila (or several)
A dash of vodka (or lots)
Several drunken lads and ladettes
A pinch of salt (for the tequila of course)
Add a ruby murray and naan bread to taste (Alternatively use shish kebabs)
One Tory MP (ooh a bit political as Ben Elton used to say when he was funny!)

Mix together in a very large bowl adding lots of water (the Medway) bring to a boil on a Saturday night.. Bake for six hours and allow to cool. Serves 40,0000.

Come on I'm sure the rest of you can do better than this....

The recipe for Tonbridge cake....

There definitely is a Tonbridge cake, I'm sure I read it somewhere that it used to be very popular with genteel folk visiting the town and the Wells. Any one know it?...