Big School, Old Big School, new Big School....

Some people laugh when Big School and Old Big School are mentioned, thinking that it all sounds terribly quaint and old fashioned not to mention somewhat confusing to the unintiated. Well they're probably right on that score (but what's wrong with that any way?) Just to clear things up then: Tonbridge School was, for many many years, known as The Big School but as it grew larger and more buildings had to be added they had to distinguish between the various halls and teaching rooms. Big School is now the larger of the two halls at the front of the school (you know the big school) and Old Big School is the smaller of the two which, presumably, used to once be known as Big School itself, before the new Big School was built. But after then it had to be called Old Big School since Big School wasn't to be named New Big School, which may have avoided the confusion. So Big School must have become Old Big School to make way for the new Big School being called just plain Big School to replace its older smaller brother hall (or is it sister hall?!) And that's the story of Big School. As the meercat says: Simples!...

Does Tonbridge have talent?...

If previous years are anything to go by the answer is an emphatic YES! This Friday at Big School Tonbridge School the finalists of Tonbridge Has Talent, mostly from the schools in the town, will gather to perform a huge variety of singing, juggling, magic, ukeleleing, street dance, drumming, comedy, ventriloquism, you name it. About three hours of good old variety entertainment. For the third year running Yours Truly will be pretending to be Simon Cowell (or is it Amanda Holden!) for the evening putting my two penneth in and slating the young performers, er, I mean, giving constructive criticism and good advice! I'm pretty sure that the event is open to all, that is to say not just friends and family of the finalists, and you can probably pay on the door. So will it be XXX or three yeses?

The Last Book Shop....

Working in a secondhand bookshop you do get to meet some weird and wonderful people. I've just spent the last half an hour or so with four young guys who just chanced upon my shop and qualified on both counts as being both weird and wonderful. After a bit of sweet talking me they asked if I'd mind being filmed to express my views about the effect of the internet on the book trade (not all negative by any means by the way.) They told me that they are part of a small film production company who have embarked on a new film project based on a fictional idea of a small boy finding the last book shop in the world which never sold any books because book readers had ceased to exist. I asked them if this interview was going to turn out to be just an almighty wind-up by a fellow bookseller or someone but they assured me that they were being completely genuine. So what did I have to lose? As the Dr. Pepper ad goes: What's the worst that can happen?! I love the idea of their film, so simple and yet so deep in possibilities. Naturally they have a blog and a web site which you can look at if you are at all interested and not too busy ordering your next book group book on amazon!...

A bang on the head....

Four little beauties: Tunbridge Wells Brewery's range 

I've been out of sorts recently. Not been myself really. For the first time ever I sent an email reply to completely the wrong person which could have been very dangerous. Fortunately it was only to somebody who was chasing me up about a book they'd ordered from me which had obviously got held up in the post. The reply went to someone who was trying to order a completely different one which merely served to completely baffle him. Thankfully it wasn't an intimate one to my new lover or someone arranging a clandestine meeting that evening!(Not that I have one you understand; I ought to make that clear.) I've done a few other stupid things in the last week or so and even had heated arguments with my sister and with a neighbour, both of which have never happened before. I put this all down to one of two thngs: the stress caused by over two months of building work at home steadily taking it's toll on me as every morning I'm having to wake up and make decisions and make cups of coffee (the preferred drink of most builders these days I've discovered; builders tea is a myth!) The other cause could well be the bang on the back of the head when I was up in the loft the other day. I stood up and whacked my bonce on the lintel of a new hatch in the loft so hard it almost made me faint. The day before I'd watched the TV series Waking the Dead in which a young woman had banged her head in a similar way as she fell down some steps on a double decker bus and then had died (assumed murdered but actually not) three hours later and fell in a canal. So the next few hours after my blow on the skull were nervous ones I can tell you! Actually a third reason might be my semi detox diet of eating healthily and not drinking alcohol. It's the same as a full detox diet except mine is only self enforced from Monday to Friday. I reckon I've lost a few pounds and do feel a bit fitter but at the cost of feeling stressy and more forgetful. Maybe it's a combination of all three and it is nearly Friday so I'll be able to test out another bottle in the Tunbridge Wells Brewery's range of excellent beers. A report could follow next week on that and almost certainly in the next issue of the Tonbridge Insider as I've already written and submitted it. The things I have to do for science!...

Labouring on in Tonbridge....

The secretary of Tonbridge and Malling Labour Party, Jim Parish, had this to say about Labour's increased vote in yesterday's county council by-election:

“Yesterday’s result was a splendid one for Tonbridge Labour Party.  Our candidate, EMILY WILLIAMS, increased the Labour vote from 944 to 1,216 in a very low poll of 23% - a swing of over 12 per cent to Labour since 2009.

“This result puts us on a clear road to success in the Borough elections on 5 May.”  

Would that be the same Emily Williams who was reported in the local press as having trashed her home town Tonbridge?!..

Election Special....

I decided to vote yesterday evening after all and I'm glad I did. It always makes me feel good to exercise my democratic right; after all people die in other countries for that right so driving a few hundred yards out of my way seems a small inconvenience. Yet I'll bet when the turn out is worked out for this county council election that it'll be somewhere around 25% of the electorate. This means that around 75% of voters couldn't make it along to the polling station, thought that their vote wouldn't make any difference or, more likely, couldn't be arsed to tear themselves away from The One Show!  I can be all self righteous now because I was arsed to go and vote! Who did I vote for? How can you ask such a personal question?! As there was no Monster Raving Looney Party I had to register my protest and vote for the %$£&*~#*& party. The result can be seen on any newspaper politics page online and the unconfirmed result was posted in the comments in the last piece as The Cons having, rather predictably, romped home with Labour being the only significant gainer....

Tonbridge is struck by election fever (not)....

To say that political parties' campaigning for the county council election around Tonbridge has been low key really is an understatement. All I can think that I've had through my letter box is a black and white cheaply produced four page leaflet from the Lib Dems. But at least they made a little bit of an effort. There's been no door stepping, no speeches, no loud speaker announcements from cars, no hand shaking in the streets. Nothing at all from the other parties. Is Tonbridge so sewn up by the Conservatives that no one even bothers any more? Someone just asked me if I'd already voted and I had to be honest and say that I'd forgotten all about the election. Terrible really I ought to go out right now or on my way home. Shall I? Oh maybe. Only if I can be bothered though. It's about 200 yards out of my way though so maybe not. I should really though....

Wrong type of bulbs!...



The View along Tonbridge High Street at 4-30pm

 I know that Tonbridge Blog has had a good moan about this once or twice before but really is it acceptable to have so many street lights at the North end of the High Street out? I counted seven between the corner of Bank Street and the Ivy House alone not working the other night (around half the total on that stretch.) We are told that because this is a conservation area the lamp posts are of a different type and therefore the bulbs more difficult to obtain. Sound familiar? The wrong type of bulbs to coin a phrase! The wrong type of council more like. What the heck are they playing at, it's been like this on and off for at least two years now. Recession or not it's just not on to keep us all in the dark like this. Save money where you can but not on street lighting surely. So come on TMBC and KCC stop arguing over whose responsibility it all is and sort it. It costs shops trade in the winter months and it's probably a God send to burglars and thieves....

For the Love of God!...

Tonbridge Blog always likes to steer clear of politics and religion but I must say it's getting quite difficult to do that at the moment. Today's Courier has the story of a potentially imflatory article published in church magazine Keys. Now you wouldn't normally expect such a dear old sleepy little village like Hildenborough to be the source of a storm about anti-Islamism but it just shows you the times in which we live. You have to be careful what you say about pretty much everything these days, which can get frustrating, but you'd think this would be one area which the contributors and editor of the magazine would exercise extreme caution on. I haven't read the piece so I won't comment further on the content. It is a free country and thank God it is but surely we have to recognise that non-Christian people many of whom live and work around us, in our communities, also have the right to worship to their gods. That said it is a church magazine so why shouldn't an individual member of the community have the right to express her views however intolerant?...

The Tonbridge Insider out now...

The January issue of The Tonbridge Insider is on sale now (what's that? it's free? Well even better then.) It should be popping through your letter box any day now and there's a new page in there called Tonbridge Log. I wonder which impostor writes that! Nice front cover as well and honestly it really was only that the editor liked it and thought it summed up the big freeze weather....

Tonbridge Flooding....

Without wishing to sound alarmist isn't the Hilden Brook near the Rugby Club and the swimming pool getting a little on the high side? I know we get this every year but it has been known to burst its banks around there and submerge the road near the entrance to the Lower Castle Fields car park. You can't appreciate it very much from the picture but it is flowing really quite fast. It might make for a very quick game of Pooh Sticks if nothing else!...

Tonbridge Juddians battle against the elements....

Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club are riding high at the moment having only lost one game all season when I last checked. Their battle with the elements however is proving less successful. Poor old TJs! Looking at the lovely scene of ducks bobbing along on that tranquil pond you'd think that it was just any old typical river picture. It's only when you look a little further that you realise that this is actually the flood waters starting to build up yet again at the back of TJs club house and towards the pitches, which are sometimes knee deep in water! After all those postponed games before Christmas due to the snow it looks like there could be some more to come. Unless those groundsmen get out there with their forks they'll be playing rugby until July this season!...

Sir John Stanley retiring?...

What's all this about a Tonbridge by election I'm hearing? Here's me getting all excited about the prospect of the smooth and debonair Sir John (Stanley) stepping down and making way for new blood in the same mould as Tunbridge Wells MP (Not Sir) Gregg Clarke and wondering why this is the first I'd heard of it. Maybe I'd missed some important news or announcement over the Christmas period. Maybe Sir John was finally swaping his sharp politician's suit for a tweed number and some wellies for the garden! But no, my hopes were dashed when I discovered that it was just a County Council by election and some young college grad is causing a stink by saying that Tonbridge is Dulls Ville. I think the average turnout for this type of polling day is around 21% and I'm sure this one won't be much different. That means that nearly four fifths of the elctorate cannot be arsed to go out and vote. I don't know about you but I can't seem to muster any kind of enthusiam for county elections....

Food Shortages in Tonbridge!...

Sainsbury's Car Park full up?

Apparently Waitrose was like a rummage at a church sale yesterday as people poured in to grab seemingly any food and drink they could lay their hands on. The reason for this temporary insanity seems to have been that the up market food retailer had decided to close its doors until Tuesday. Shock horror! That's three whole days that you'll have to manage on just the food in your, probably already overstocked, cupboards. It's fairly well known that, if push came to shove, then most households would comfortably be able to last a week and, with a bit of imagination and resourcefulness, maybe two or three weeks on the food in the house. The problem is you see we've all got too used to our cushy lifestyles. We think that the family will go to ruin if we don't have some Cars water biscuits and brie in the fridge or if we're down to our last bottle of M&S Bucks Fizz. Come on let's keep a sense of proportion, no one is going to starve just because Waitrose is closed for a few days especially since I've just heard Sainsbury's are staying open all weekend anyway. Don't blame me if there's now a riot at Sainsbury's as old grannies fight it out over who gets the last bag of frozen prawns....

Happy New Year to the whole of Tonbridge....

One of my favourite pictures of 2010. Where is it though?

After my scathing comments about Tonbridge main Post Office let's try not to end the year on a bad note. Have a really fab time tonight everyone and here's hoping for a very happy and prosperous New Year (although I very much doubt it!)

Cheers everyone
Tonbridge Blog

P Off again!...

PO competition: Guess the opening times!

Tonbridge Post Office are at it again! With just a tiny amount of research down Tonbridge High Street this morning Tonbridge Blog was able to glean that Monsoon will be open until at least 5-30pm, as will New Look and WH Smith and, no doubt, many other shops. The main Post Office however will close at 4pm and not reopen until next Tuesday(apparently there's a notice on the entrance door although I couldn't see it.) They make no apology for this, it does not appear on there web site although if you can manage to get hold of the branch through their centralized telephone system, then I feel sure that they'd have informed you in a friendly manner of their early closing! I know I've expressed how p'd off I am with the PO before but come off it this is ridiculous! People and small businesses are relying on them to be reliable and that includes staying open. Ok it is News Years Eve but it isn't a bank holiday and you are supposedly a national service and surely have a duty to be open at least until the end of normal trading hours; this is especially so given the huge backlog of letters and parcels due to the recent cold weather. If commercial shops can stay open then so should the main Post Office in Angel Walk. But then I suppose the staff have got to get home to get ready for their NYE parties and nights veging out in front of Jools Holland's Hootananny. We wouldn't want to disturb that now would we! So have a great time, see you next Tuesday but only if you feel like opening. You know if you have a bit of a hang over then we'll all just wait until you're ready!....

Tonbridge Teenage Kicks....

My God I really drew the short straw last night after having agreed to pick up my son from a party in Hildenborough! After a totally sober evening I drove down a narrow country lane in the thick fog, risked turning my car over several times, scraped past some huge tank-like 4x4s coming the other way and eventually arrived at the teenage party which was being held in a room above the host's garage. Unlike most events I pick my children up from this time curiosity got the better off me and I actually went in to collect him instead of waiting sensibly outside. (Truth be told I also thought I might get a glimpse of his girlfriend, who I haven't seen yet, as well!) So into the party scene I went shouting, with faked adult authority, "So this is what you get up to" to my son to cause maximum embarrassment! Then the room hit me in the face. I guess this is what teenagers like but even my fairly liberal minded eyes were horrified. There were drinks cans and rubbish everywhere you looked. There were girls and boys lolling on and over each other, hoodies mixing with Goths and grunges, a dirty stained matress on the floor. Actually I think it was meant to be fancy dress but to me it looked more like the stuff of nightmares. If you can imagine something between a six form common room where the teachers have no access whatsoever and the squalor of the flat in the film version of Trainspotting then you'd be somewhere close! Maybe I'm just getting too old to remember what having that kind of "fun" was all about. Give me a nice bottle of real ale and a generous glass of Old Pulteney 12 year old malt and plonk me in front of an episode of Miss Marple any day of the week! Still my son can make it up to me when I'm an old man by coming to collect me from the Darby and Joan Club which will probably be equally horrifying to him!...

Where's my New Year's Eve party invitation?!..

It's that crappy time between Christmas and New Year's Eve when you're not quite sure what to do with yourself. They're not proper working days; in fact office workers who drew the short straw usually go in a bit late, make a pretence at doing a few hours work and then nip down the pub for a couple of hours, come back to shuffle one or two papers around on their desks and toddle off home early usually via the same boozer they left about an hour before. Or was that just me?! Well if, like myself, you still haven't decided what you're doing on NYE then you'd beter just stop hoping that one of your friends is going to belatedly invite you to their bash and either bite the bullet and organise your own or else resign yourself to another of Jools Hollands very tired Hootanannies. Please God not that! I think I'd rather go to bed at 9-30 and forget the whole thing....

Tonbridge 2010 in pictures....

Tonbridge Parish Church looking very festive



An arrest at Mr. Books (Thankfully I managed to escape!)



The Big Picture on the Castle wall summed up the spirit of the Arts Festival

Magician, Jonathan Shotton, gave a Las Vegas style performance at The new K College theatre

Tonbridge Christmas tree at night looking lovely in the snow

The Mr. Books bike axle deep in snow

Another Tonbridge Book Fair got underway in May 

Merry Christmas and on to my other job!

The park floods yet again, better than the town flooding I guess!

All aboard the 213 for Willow Lea

Sorry pal Klan has been closed for over two years now!

Deep snow and ice is very much the story as 2010 draws to a close

Where did I put my canoe?

Sofa so good! A very strange scene in the middle of the High Street.

Just look at the size of those pumpkins at the award winning Shipbourne Farmers Market

A tough year for traders at the Angel Flea Market?

Bucks Fizz finished off a superb Tonbridge Arts Fest in suitably kitsch style!

Winter starts!...

Oh I nearly forgot to mention it. Better get your hats coats and gloves out because, apparently, winter officially starts today!!!!

Here we snow again!...

Actually, provided you don't need to drive out of your street and you don't mind getting your walking boots or wellies on, it's not too bad in the centre of Tonbridge. Most of the shops seemed to be open when I walked the length of the High Street earlier so, if you can make it out, you will be able to get your last minute Christmas shopping done. Mr. Books is open today and they don't usually open on Mondays at all. There's dedication for you! The pavements are quite well gritted although it still amuses me to see the pathetic sight of a couple of blokes in high viz jackets with shovels and brushes taking on the hole of the centre of Tonbridge, gradually chipping away at the thick ice on the pavement (at least that's how it seems.) They need some proper equipment like mini ploughs and gritters like they have in countries where it snows all the time. With more snow on the way today could be the day to get out and get your supplies in; you can then hole up, batten down the hatches and get all cosy with your families in time for Christmas Eve....

What's in a name....

With views like this one it's easy to see why they called this road Weald View Road. But the origins of some street names in Tonbridge are not quite as easy to decipher. Why, for example doesn't Mabledon Road end up at Mabledon? Why doesn't Bank Street have any banks on it? Why is Dry Hill so named. I'm sure there are countless other examples around town but in the meantime enjoy this snowy view of the North Downs....

Lit up like a Christmas tree....

I know the picture quality ain't all that great but has anyone seen any worse examples than this? Why do people inflict this on themselves every year? I suppose it's not so bad when you're inside the house as you're not the ones who have to look at it! Or is it just me? Bah Humbug!...

And now for the Sports News....

There is none!
Most disappointing of all is that the local derby game between bottom of the table Tunbridge Wells RFC and Tonbridge Juddians, currently heading up the League, has been called off due to the f'ing snow (I meant freezing oh course!) This is most disappointing as, number one, the club had arranged a huge lunch for members and their guests and, number two, they had a marquee with beer and hog roast planned and, worst of all, I was going along to watch and get in the Christmas mood with a few pints of Larkins ale and a small pig sandwich. I now feel completely deflated having got myself all keyed up for the game. (What's that you say? I wasn't playing but only going along to shout from the touchline?! Does the club have the finances to install under soil heating I wonder? Cos I think they're gonna need it in the coming years unless the season is rescheduled goes on until August!...

Oh God please no....

Words fail me on what to make of the Courier's front page of the Tonbridge edition. Allegations about Monsignor Michael Smith, parish priest of Corpus Christi catholic church in Tonbridge, have led to his arrest for allegedly sexually assaulting a child. Nothing has been proven so we can't go condemning the man and I, for one, sincerely hope they are not true for the sake of the community. If you can't trust the people who are placed in influential positions to help guide us through our lives then who can you trust?...

Get your free Christmas cards here....

Not wishing to sound like a right old Scrooge (who wasn't such a bad bloke actually) I just don't see the point in sending out many tree killing Christmas cards this year. So I was particularly taken with a neat idea on the Guardian web site this week which enables you to send some top artists' alternative festive cards by email. No need to queue up at the card shop any more; no need to fork out begrudgingly for another pack of cards and spend thirty quid on stamps and then be worried whether or not they'll get there on time because of postal strikes and snowy weather! Oh no, just sit in the warmth of your home (or in my case shop) move your mouse hand around a bit, click a few times and there you have it all your cards sent with a nice festive message and all for a Scrooge-pleasing no pounds and no pence. There are a few choices on the Guardian site but this one is by far my fave....

Tonbridge Angels famous ex-players....

If you are a footy fan of a certain age then you'll probably remember Malcolm Macdonald, often known as "Supermac." I certainly remember him when he played for Newcastle, then Arsenal and England as a prolific goal scorer. What I didn't realise though is that he started his career a bit closer to home playing for the Tonbridge Angels. Since it was before their move to the Longmead Stadium I guess that he would have played at the Angel Ground on what is now the Sainsbury's carpark. So next time you park your car up to do a bit of food shopping just remember that you're parking on hallowed ground!...  (Admittedly I did glean this information from wikipedia but see no reason why anyone would forge these kind of facts about an almost forgotten legend of a player.)

Mince pies and Mulled wine all round....

Botany Stream Development Proposal next to the Angel Centre

New bridge and walkway up central street

For those of you who didn't attend the last Tonbridge Civic Society talk of 2010 you didn't half miss out on some lovely mulled wine and some scrumptious mince pies! Apart from that there was some nice company, oh yes and an illuminating talk about the latest proposal to develop the Sovereign House/Botany Stream area. That's that ugly bit between the walkway to the side of the Angel Centre entrance and Waitrose/Iceland stores. It's quite a large area which currently comprises the old Benn Publishing, as I know it, office building and the car park along side it. The pictures above show you the extent of what is being proposed at the moment. I say proposed because, actually, the plans have all but been approved as the developers informed us last night. There's a plan A and a Plan B but basically it appears to be a shoe in probably more down to the economic situation rather than it being a design classic. I must say though, on the evidence of last night's presentation, it appears to be a vast improvement on the previous owner, Oracle's, proposal to build a fifteen storey tower there. BUT I'm still unsure about it myself. There's the elephant in the room question, which was only very briefly mentioned last night, about how much of it will be "affordable housing"  and what type of families might be living there right in the centre of town. Is it to be a no go area or do the pretty tree lined streets in the presentation really depict the true image of how it might look in ten years time? To be honest, no matter how they tried to dress it up with their high tech "fly past" views of computer images of the finished development, I was still left thinking that it will look like a large Medittarranean style block of flats. (That said, if money were no object, I wouldn't  mind one of the top penthouse appartments with panoramic views to the South West!) But come on where's the retail units which had been discussed for this river side development? Where's the restaurants and waterfront cafes? Walking between the buildings down the newly formed street will seem like walking along with the White cliffs of Dover on either side of you with a few shrubbs to keep your mind off them! If they decide to keep the old Benn building then, so we were informed, this is most likely to become a new large medical centre with three Tonbridge practices all moving in there. (Any guesses as to who?) Let's face it the Sovereign House development will be functional at best and certainly no oil painting. Mince pies anyone?!..

Bumped into Victoria Hislop the other day (as one does!)

Oh did I nearly forget to mention that I bumped into Victoria Hislop out doing her Christmas shopping in Tunbridge Wells with husband Ian last Sunday, just like any other regular couple? It must have completely slipped my mind! There I was in the i-Store about to be given a demonstration of the Bose Companion 2 computer (and i-pod) speakers when who should walk in but Victoria, closely followed by Mr. Hislop.  I'd already committed myself to saying hello before noticing, in the corner of my eye, that Ian was there so I didn't get the chance to be introduced as he was gone again in a flash. How the heck would the nearly famous Tonbridge-educated author have known Tonbridge Blog anyway? I sense you all wondering. Well she was kind enough to do a book signing in Mr. Books shop about 18 months ago and she spent a couple of hours talking to me on and off as she signed away. On Sunday she probably thought, at first, who's this nutter staring at her (and to be honest it took me a couple of minutes for me to get past the "Where do I know her from?" stage before it clicked.) We're not quite on media luvvy kiss of each cheek (moiw moiw)  terms but I did shake her hand and have a brief chat. More importantly I also managed to get a little nugget of information out of her regarding her third novel that she's been writing for the past year or so (you can't rush the creative mind you know!) It is pretty much finished and should be published in the middle of next year all being well. Victoria had rave reviews of her debut novel The Island and pretty good ones for the follow up The Return so she must be feeling the pressure somewhat for the third one (title??) I asked her if she'd do another signing maybe at next year's Tonbridge book fair or arts fest but she wasn't making any commitments. Still it was nice to see her again....

And here's what you can have for pudding....

According to the Tonbridge Historical Society web site these were popular in the hay day of Tunbridge Wells with those genteel folk taking the waters

Tonbridge Cake
Ingredients:
1 lb flour, 6 oz sugar, 6 oz butter, 2 eggs
Method:
Rub butter well into flour, add sugar and mix thoroughly, make into stiff paste with the two eggs well beaten; roll out till thin and cut with the top of a tumbler into rounds; prick these with a fork and cover with caraways or brush with white of egg and dust over with a little white sugar, or, instead of either, place on each round a thin crescent or horseshoe-shaped slice of candied peel; place on a flat tin and bake in a moderate oven."

An alternative Christmas dinner recipe perhaps!...

This is a recipe called Tonbridge Brawn taken from Eliza Acton's famous book: Modern Cookery for Private Families published circa 1845. Ms Acton was almost as famous in her day as Isabella Beeton. Her book was groundbreaking in that she was one of the very first to give clear instructions on how to make the meal and provide a complete list of ingredients. Basically she was well ahead of her time. More importantly for us though she immortalised Tonbridge by naming many of her recipes after the town, it's people and places such as Bordyke Veal Cake and Tourte a la Judd (I'm not making this up you know!) Anyway this one sounds pretty gruesome in its preparation but I'm sure it tasted wonderful:

Tonbridge Brawn
 Split open the head of a pig of middling size, remove the brain and all the bones, strew the inside rather thickly with fine salt, and let it drain until the following day.
Cleanse the ears and feet in the same manner : wipe them all from the brine, lay them into a large pan, and rub them well with an ounce and a half of saltpetre mixed with six ounces of sugar ; in twelve hours, add six ounces of salt ; the next day pour a quarter of a pint of good vinegar over them, and keep them turned in the pickle every twenty-four hours for a week ; then wash it off the ears and feet, and boil them for about an hour and a half ; bone the feet while they are warm, and trim the gristle from the large ends of the ears.
When these are ready, mix a large grated nutmeg with a teaspoonful and a half of mace, half a teaspoonful of cayenne, and as much of cloves. Wash, but do not soak the head; wipe and flatten it on a board ; cut some of the flesh from the thickest parts, and (when the whole of the meat has been seasoned equally with the spices) lay it on the thinnest; intermix it with that of the ears and feet, roll it up very tight, and bind it firmly with broad tape; fold a thin pudding-cloth quite closely round it, and tie it securely at both ends.
A braising-pan, from its form, is best adapted for boiling it, but if there be not one at hand, place the head in a vessel adapted to its size, with the bones and trimmings of the feet and ears, a large bunch of savoury herbs, two moderate-sized onions, a small head of celery, three or four carrots, a teaspoonful of peppercorns, and sufficient cold water to cover it well; boil it very gently for four hours, and leave it until two parts cold in the liquor in which it was boiled.
Take off the cloth, and put the brawn between two dishes or trenchers, with a heavy weight on the upper one. The next day take off the fillets of tape, and serve the head whole or sliced with the brawn sauce...

Kept in the dark....

The lampost at the corner of the High Street and Bank Street in Tonbridge has been made safe it would seem after the terrible incident of the electrocuted dog. The workmen flattening out the pavement after the repair had no idea what had happened and were interested to find out. When I told them the story of how a dog had taken a leak against the "live" lampost and got a heck of a shock they were sypathetic they really were. But it didn't stop one of them bursting out laughing at the very thought of it. Some people have a very cruel sense of humour! Now that they've earthed it or whatever they did to make it safe it would actually be quite nice if that, and the other lampost on the same corner, could actually have a bulb put in them so that they give off some, you know, light. I know I'm probably asking too much here but I maybe thought that that was their purpose!...

Getting the money shot....

What a fantastic adrenaline rush the photographer must have had in Leicester Square yesterday when he realised that he was the only press photographer on the spot at that historic moment when Charles and Camilla were caught up in the chaos caused by the student riots. I really wish I'd been Matt Dunham of Associated Press at 7-20pm yesterday (that was the recorded time on his camera when he snapped his money shot. Those five pictures that he had the presence of mind to capture have already gone down in history as capturing an amazing moment. They say a picture speaks a thousand words well, perhaps, these speak a million more. What do they say about the role of Charles and Camilla being uselessly trapped in the middle of it all and yet representing the establishment? and what do they say about the increasing fury of Britain's young population. Is his picture capturing a pivotal moment in our country's history? Time will tell. What a fabulous picture. I've been meaning to treat myself to that digital SLR for some time now as I did used to be a fairly keen photographer myself. I even toyed with the idea of having a go at being a pap! Perhaps now's the time to nip down to Jessops in the Pavillion, Tonbridge to eye up that Canon EOS 500D unless Santa already has his instructions....

Still no VAT on books!!..

20% VAT in January is a bit of a crippler it has to be said. That's a fifth of everything we spend out shopping will soon be going straight to the government's coffers! I can remember, just about, when there was no VAT and then the outrage expressed when it went up to 8% in the 1970s. We'd settle for that now wouldn't we. Fear not though because there is a way of buying all your Christmas presents and paying zero VAT. "How's that TonbridgeBlog?" I hear you all say. Simple you go out and buy everyone a book each. There's never been any VAT on books in their printed form and there still won't be any in January....

Shovel for victory!...

And still with ice clearing..... I remember as a kid my Dad used to always clear the snow and ice from our driveway and the area of pavement in front of out house. He'd often do the area for the old lady next door as well. I did the same thing last year in front of my house and asked my son to do it this year. But, being honest about this, how many people do the same? I'm guessing hardly anyone. Just think about it for a moment: if every household could be bothered to clear their patch then all the side roads and pavements would be completely cleared wouldn't they? We'd all be able to drive into our roads and walk along our pavements in the safe knowledge that the rest of the road would be pretty much ice free. Every one's a winner! So why don't we then? Is it really that we are just too busy to find the time or have got lazy in our middle class, centrally-heated, cosy worlds? Is it a suspicion that our neighbours won't do their bit and that you'll end up being the sucker (as I was last year?) Worst of all, could it be that we might be sued if we do our bit and then someone slips over in front of our house. If it is this last reason then it has to be utter nonsense dreamed up by the naysayers and gossip mongers. This is the speak of the moaners and the jobsworths; those people who are always looking for an excuse not to do something that needs doing. Don't listen to their phony advice, just do your bit for the town. Shovel and brush away that snow and ice and we'll have done it together like the old days....

Ice work if you can get it!...

Right that's 10 yards done. Now for the rest of Tonbridge!

Tonbridge Blog hasn't had much of a moan for ages now (oh alright then a few days anyway!) but couldn't help feeling a little surge of annoyance welling up when passing the pathetic sight of a couple of blokes wearing high viz jackets, with a shovel and a brush between them, on Pembury Road this morning. It seems as though they alone are responsible for the battle against the whole of Tonbridge's icey pavements. As hard as they work, and I'm sure their backs are aching from it all, they must be fighting a losing battle. People are slipping a-over-t left, right and centre all across town. I only managed to avoid falling on my backside by walking on the roads and having to dodge cars and vans; a danger in itself of a different kind. Come on isn't it about time that the councils (note plural for here lies the problem in my opinion) get their acts together and invested in some decent pavement clearing equipment. If Tesco can do it for their carparks then surely Tonbridge and Malling Borough Council and KCC can manage it between them!  Why should it be safer on the roads than it is on the pavements? How does that sit with the council's and government's other drives to get people out and about and getting fitter, leaving their cars at home? Where's the joined up thinking or is it all gloss and spin? This is the third year running now that we've had serious disruption caused by snow and ice so come off it guys stop short changing us council tax payers and spend some of our cash on much needed mini ploughs and gritters....

Is Mr. Books Bike Bust?...

I've already had a similar picture made into a post card which I sell in Mr. Books and also give away as a business card but I may well have another printed with this image as it's even more festive than last years. I like the way the bike is half buried in the deep snow. Rather fortunate really since, when you see it without the snow, the poor thing has been kicked almost, but not quite, into submission by, I suspect, young lads on their way home from Mojos or more likely SOS night club. Don't they realise that it's an antique from a bygone age! It has served me well over the last five years or so but I fear the time may be approaching when I have to search the great God of retail, ebay, for a new one. Unless any bike shops out there want to offer their services for a reasonable price? I realised quite how bad it was looking when Simon, the owner of Cycle ops, came into my shop and ever so politely asked me if I would move it as it was not exactly the image he wanted associated with his up market bike shop which has some bikes on sale for over three grand. I'm not sure it would make any difference to his sales even being right outside his shop but, nevertheless, I respected his request and moved the Mr. Books bike to a new home near the Chequers Inn while I consider it's future!...

Very festive!....

Looking North towards the Rose and Crown Hotel

Christmas Tree at the Watergate

The Christmas lights look especially pretty down the High Street this year don't they what with all the snow around? The white stuff may create havoc on the roads and pavements but you do have to admit that it improves the look of just about everywhere....

Tonbridge Insider Out Now....

Has anyone seen the latest issue of The Tonbridge Insider yet? Inside it you'll find some useful information about what's going on in Tonbridge around Christmas. There's some hints about what to buy food wise and also some eye catching photos. Oh yes and there's that new page called Tonbridge (Yule) Log which, this month, actually stretches to four pages. I wonder who writes it! The December issue is out now....

Tonbridge School boys sent home for "pilfering" from local shops....

I was shocked to read the piece in a newspaper clipping: Under the headline: "Top School Sends 3 Boys Home: Three public school boys have been suspended for the rest of the term for shoplifting. They were sent home from Tonbridge School (fees £360 a year) after complaints from shop keepers in the town...." it goes on to say that "...the boys have been severely dealt with..." and that the shopkeepers have been completely reimbursed. I for one was flabbergasted to hear this of the well heeled boys who, let's face it, probably want for nothing in life. I blame their lack of respect on the demise of fagging myself! But let's not be too harsh on the school; the clue should have have been in the annual school fees which, so I understand, are more like £30,000 these days. This newspaper clipping is from the Daily Sketch (which doesn't even exist anymore,) from December 5th, 1962! It just happened to fall out of a book about the history of Tonbridge School. I wonder if the boys, who weren't named in the article, went on to be members of the government or captains of industry. We will never know....

Safe Roads please....

I have to drive to Farnham tomorrow and do you know which bit of the journey scares me the most? It's not the A21 through the Sevenoaks Downs, nor is it the possibility of being shunted by some nutter on the M25; or, for that matter, the prospect of a freezing cold wind blowing the car off the A31 "Hogs Back" between Guildford and Farnham. No, it's none of these, but it is the 200 yards from my driveway to the Quarry Hill! Now what does that say about the negligence of our councils' services. I'm told that the problem lies with the fact that the Highways are the responsibility of Kent County Council, as are the pavements by the way; that is to say it's nothing to do with the borough council (Not our problem mate!) Or it could be that they now sub contract most of the work out these days. Work for which previously they would have employed their own full time staff to do. To be perfectly honest I, and I suspect the vast majority of the Tonbridge public, don't care about the ins and outs of it. WE JUST WANT OUR ROADS MADE SAFE PLEASE!!!! After all, as we're hearing on the news, Tescos supermarkets have invested in mini snow ploughs and gritters to clear their car parks so why can't the council do more?...

P Off....

I called in at the main Post Office in Angel Walk this morning to enquire as to when they were anticipating closing today and they told me it was likely to be around 12-30 or 1pm. Great! I thought to myself. I've got about ten parcels to post and last time we had bad snow, back in January, I remember arriving at the same PO with bundles in hand, finding it closed and then having to walk up Quarry Hill with them so I could bring them back again the next morning. So I wasn't going to be caught out like that again. But isn't it amazing that Monsoon can stay open, Mr. Books can stay open, Cafe Nero can manage to stay open and, for that matter, most of the shops on the High Street can? But not it seems Tonbridge Post Office, owned by the Royal Mail. Aren't they meant to be a service we can rely on whatever the weather or am I asking too much of them? So it seems that our letters and parcels will be accepted at the Post Office counter but only if they can be bothered to open up and they're not feeling too cold. Surely a skeleton staff is better than no staff and enough to keep them ticking over. Pull your finger out Post Office staff, buy some decent hats scarves and wellies and get the local personnel to walk in to work like other companies manage to do if that's what it takes. This was not the spirit which got our boys back from Dunkirk or that beat the French at Agincourt! If it was your company and your money you'd find a way....

It's enough to make your hair stand on end!..

If anyone was anywhere near the Bank Street/High Street junction a couple of days ago they would have heard a dog going absolutely crazy and running wildly around the lamp post right on the corner of the busy pavement. Turns out that the dog had been electrocuted by the lampost and that the pavement was"live" for about a metre around it. The poor dog must have had such a shock (quite literally.) and it's owner was, understandably hopping mad himself. The Police cordoned off the whole corner while the council contractor came to make it safe. The really annoying thing about this incident is that this lampost has been defective on and off for at least two years now resulting in this particular area being very much in the dark from about 4-30 in the evening all winter. Not good for trade in the shops nearby and, more importantly, damned right dangerous. Why does it always take an incident of this kind for the authorities to actually do something about it? It's enough to make your hair stand on end with anger...

Anyone for a bit of skateboarding?!..

This was taken this morning. Wouldn't it be great if someone built a skateboarding snowman on top of the ramp!

Eskimos spotted on Tonbridge Park!...

Walking across Tonbridge park this morning on my way to work I thought I was hallucinating; the cold can have that effect you know! But no I must not have been because here is the photographic evidence that someone has built themselves an igloo next to the pitch and put golf course. Maybe it was a commuter who gave up on his journey to Ashford or somewhere and he'd come prepared with his ice saw and axe!...

More on (ic) travel chaos....

I take it from the sight of four or five coaches abandoned outside Tonbridge railway station that the trains were cancelled, they laid on a coach service, probably at huge expense, to get round the problem and then had to abandon the coaches because the roads were impassable. Just a hunch!...

A trek across the Siberian wastelands!...

If you've already been out and about this morning in Tonbridge you may have spotted some mad fool wearing a duffle coat with the hood up, carrying a shovel over his shoulder. That would have been Tonbridge Blog walking across snow and ice to get to work. As you can see though I did put my camera phone to good use on my travels. Then, as soon as I arrived, I put the shovel to good use to clear an area around Mr. Books which now has its own cute little footpath leading from the high street pavement to the shop door. It looks like something out of a fairy tale! I'm not expecting many mad fools to venture out to buy books today but you can't blame me for trying. It's still snow joke for many commuters but guys, here's a tip, stop feeling guilty, tell the boss you'll be working from home and then nip down to Christopher Hull sports shop, buy a sledge and head for lambs bank slope to put it to good use. Okay it's not Chamonix but last year there was a fella on a snow board up there! Enjoy yourselves it'll all be gone by next week. By the way my boiler's still knackered but, thankfully the Dimplex heaters I bought from Homebase on Canon Lane last Friday is working a treat and the emersion heater, like a sleeping collosus, has sprung into action....

It is no joke....

We can all joke about the how namby pamby some people are for not being able to make it in to work but for some commuters it really is snow joke. It's not that long ago since I used to make the dreaded journey into London Town every day and, let's face it, even at the best of times it was only just bearable. But when you add in snow and the resultant disrupted services it becomes soul-destroying. Enough to make you give it all up and open a bookshop in Tonbridge! So walking past the railway station this snowy morning gave me a bit of a flashback and made me feel all warm inside and a bit smug. The train time table had obviously become irrelevant as people stood around arguing with staff and getting pretty agitated. I only lingered for a few seconds but that was enough to send a cold shiver down my spine and make me glad that I'm out of all that. I'm hearing reports last night of 3 hour train journeys back from London and people having to spend the night in waiting rooms. I hope they all have jobs which are worth all that hassle!... 

Open for business?...

Walking across Tonbridge today I couldn't help but notice that around half the shops were still not open at around a quarter to ten. What's going on? What is all the fuss about? A bit of snow shouldn't stop the wheels of industry and commerce turning should it? I feel a bit smug, as probably do all the other people who managed to make it in today. "At least I made the effort!" I hear the cries across Tonbridge. Weald of Kent and Hillview Schools are closed today and I'm not sure about the others. It's probably more a case of the staff not being able to get in rather than the kids. Let's face it all the children who couldn't manage to get to school will almost certainly be out right now on sledges and having snowball fights; and who can blame them! Quarry Hill was just about still passable and, from what I saw this morning pretty free of traffic. Everything looks so beautiful and fresh as you can see in the photos. You could be forgiven for thinking that you are in Lapland or Alaska instead of outside St. Stephen's Church at the bottom of the hill. Enjoy it while it lasts....

Snow joke....

Here's one for you:

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
And another to give you some cheer on these dark December days:

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !
Another cracker or at least they will be in one soon!...