Award winning marmalade....

In the latest Slade Area Residents Association (SARA) newsletter it tells us that Kathie Foster Smith's award winning maramalades are available in "a local farm shop" BUT WHICH ONE? I'm now informed that Kathie's skill in the kitchen also extends to making chutney. You see I love marmalade in the morning on my toast and I'm rather partial to a nice generous spreading of chutney on my crumbly extra mature cheddar. Come on Kathie you know where I am you can always sneak me a couple of jars in when no one's looking. I won't tell anyone (well, ok, just the whole of Tonbridge but that'll be good for next year's sales!)

Pigeon Pie!...

Tonbridge Blog wrote about the pigeons around the castle and how people encouraged them by feeding them tasty tit bits of bread and bird seed (scroll down the Pecking Pigeons.) There were some rather cruel comments about what to do with them and the words Winged rats, vermin, filthy feathered things were mentioned more than once. Here is a recipe from Eliza Acton, the famous Tonbridge poet and cookery writer which may help with a useful perhaps even environmentally friendly solution!

Pigeon Pie (As published in Modern Cookery for Private Families by Eliza Acton, 1845. Reprint copies available from Mr. Books by the way!)
Lay a border of fine puff paste round a large dish, and cover the bottom with a veal cutlet or tender rump steak, free from fat and bone, and seasoned with salt, cayenne, and nutmeg or pounded mace; prepare with great nicety as many freshly-killed young pigeons as the dish will contain in one layer; put into each a slice or ball of butter, seasoned with a little cayenne and mace, lay them into a dish with breasts downwards, and between and over them put the yolks of half a dozen or more of hard-boiled eggs; stick plenty of butter on them, season the whole well with salt and spice, pour in some cold water or veal broth for the gravy, roll out the cover three-quarters of an inch thick,secure it well round the edge, ornament it highly, and bake a pie for an hour or more in a well-heated oven. It is a great improvement to fill the birds with small mushroom-buttons, prepared as for partridges; their livers also may be put into them.

Food from a different age perhaps but the quality of her writing and that eloquent Jane Austenesque use of language make me want to go right down to the castle in search of some fresh pigeons. Someone get the stove on....

Tonbridge Cookery writer Eliza Acton....

In her day, which was the middle of the 19th Century, she was bigger than Mrs. Beeton (late 19th Century) perhaps even than Delia Smith in hers. The best thing is that she lived in part of the house which is now known as The Priory in Bordyke, Tonbridge, only a couple of hundred yards from where I now sit. Even better a few of the recipes in her famous book, Modern Cookery For Private Families, immortalize Tonbridge with tastey ideas like Bordyke Veal Cake, Tonbridge Cake and Tonbridge Ginger Wine. I won't say too much more about her because I'm probably going over old ground. I've had trouble in the past tracking down a copy of the book, which was the first to list ingredients and provide an easy to follow method, but now it has been reprinted so you can buy a copy from your favourite Tonbridge book store. No not WH Smith but Mr. Books! There are a number of copies in stock priced £16.99 in hardback which, when you see the size of it, you'll know is good value. You could pay over £100 for a first edition of the book but why do that if you only want to read it....

Turner in Tonbridge talk....

I hear that The Civic Society talk about famous painter Turner at the Angel Centre yesterday evening was, sadly, not a resounding success. There used to be a problem at the meetings when speakers were asked (often rather bluntly) to speak up. This was partly due to the noise of the air con in the Riverside Lounge of the Angel Centre but also due to the lack of a microphone. So the committee of the society invested in a decent mic which has been put to use for most of this season's talks. However it seems that at last night's talk they experienced a few problems getting the sound levels right. I understand that hearing aids were being turned down all across the packed room! The subject matter at these talks is usually extremely interesting and I'm sure that last night's would have been no exception. That said it obviously helps to get the balance right between quality of sound, content and quality of speaker. It would be interesting to read comments from people who were actually at the talk....

Turner in Tonbridge?...

Tonbridge Civic Society are meeting at the Angel Centre Riverside Lounge which, curiously, is not on the riverside by the way, tonight at 7-30 for coffee, tea and biccies for an 8pm start. The talk will be all about Turner the artist, who I bet you didn't know painted quite a few pictures of the area including the landscape around Summerhill House. Go tonight to find out more; it's free to members. If you're not a member you can pay £2 on the door but why be so tight with your money? Just join it's only £7 for the whole year and you get to meet some new people and go to some very interesting talks and trips....

Tonbridge Arts Festival Update....

A meeting of some of the committee for last year's arts fest was held yesterday evening at K college to decide on a future direction. The overwhelming feeling in the meeting seems to have been very positive that the festival can be built up and the best bits from last time round can be used to make a bigger and better event probably early summer next year. One thing everyone agreed on was that availability of tickets should be better publicized and available from a variety of sources and, especially, that a secure and trusted online booking facility should be developed sooner rather than later. That way, with a bit of luck and a following wind, most of the events will be half booked well in advance of the festival. Should anyone wish to become involved in the festival as volunteers in whatever capacity then it would be a good idea to come along to one of the open meetings which will be held in the not too distant future most probably at the Angel Centre. Tonbridge Blog will do his best to keep you informed but look out for announcements in the local paper also. If this was twitter I'd say Retweet it! But since it's not then I'll just say Spread the word and tell all your friends....

Free parking in West Malling!!!!

On BBC Radio Kent this morning, which is usually a drone in the background as I drive to work, they were talking about parking charges in Kent. Judging by some of the disgruntled callers it seems that people of Tonbridge are not alone in their distaste for the greed of councils when it comes to this. There also seems to be much disparity between various towns in the county, often ones which are close together, Broadstairs and Ramsgate were mentioned, where different borough councils have different ideas and nearly always different machines for charging. But what really made my ears prick up while listening to this phone-in debate was that there are different charges even within our own borough, Tonbridge and Malling. A lady from Wrotham had quite a lengthy conversation with the show's presenter and informed us that she had the choice of various different towns to shop, due to her geographical location, but her favourite was always West Malling where she gets the first two hours of her parking free, right in the town centre. Two hours is enough for most people to get the bulk of their every day shopping done, or have a coffee with friends or maybe lunch. It doesn't allow commuters to park there all day free because after the two hours are up charges come into play. I know they do the same in Paddock Wood and it's always a bonus when you go shopping there. Quite frankly I probably wouldn't bother otherwise. So you can see that free parking must be good for traders. Paddock Wood of course isn't in Tonbridge and Malling so that's just by the way. But West Malling quite clearly is (the clue's in the name!) So is it fair that they should be able to encourage shoppers into the town with this advantage over Tonbridge. If you lived half way between the two which one would you choose? No wonder West Malling has a thriving little community with a nice choice of independent shops. Surely it's rather short sighted of TMBC to just take ever more money at the parking ticket machines in. Is it time for a big rethink on parking charges in Tonbridge before yet more shops decide to put down their shutters for the last time?...

Tonbridge weights watchers....

I'm all for young people getting fit. There's no doubt that some of them could do with it. As one commenter on this blog very unkindly put it: Tonbridge does seem to have its fair share of porkers! But then again probably no more than most towns in these over indulgant days. So it should have been a good thing to see the new outdoor gym that has just sprung up next to the basketball/football pitch and skate park where the old lawn tennis courts used to be on Tonbridge Park. So why then, as I cycled past it a couple of days ago, did I almost fall off my bike with laughter? Why did it provoke this reaction in me? I should really have a go on it to assess whether or not its possible to have outdoor, unsupervised gym equipment that's safe before I'm so quick to judge. On first glance it all seems to work with springs and tension rather than with loose weights, which could trap children's fingers, so maybe alot has been put into the design of it. However I can't help thinking that this is another example of something which was budgetted for in the days before the credit crunch and recession and I don't know whether many people will seriously use it before it gets wrecked by teenagers. It's more likely to become a hang-out area than it ever is to be used to get youngsters fit; and there are a lot cheaper ways of giving youths space to do that. Anyway couldn't they just run and skip and play football or tennis and stuff like that. Why is it always necessary to spoon feed people with these white elephants?...

Pecking Pidgeons....

You see signs in some towns and city centres requesting that people don't feed the pidgeons. You see it encourages them to be there. I spotted this lady feeding the feathered creatures by the river in Tonbridge this very morning; there she was in a world of her own (planet pidgeon possibly) throwing them clumps of bread. Didn't they all just love her as well. You can see that by the way they are clucking and squarking around her feet as they peck away at the bread on the ground. But what damage do they do to the nearby buildings and castle walls with their claws and beaks and droppings? Personally I don't much care for clucking things but I don't mind them that much either. Rats with wings some people call them. Is this just a harmless way to spend your Wednesday mornings or wouldn't it be better if we put them in a pie?!..

Get you car squirted fo Charity....

I hear that the Tonbridge Fire Station is having a charidee car wash day tomorrow. Drive along Cannon Lane, pull over at the station, get your car squirted by a fireman's hose, get all that winter grime off, give a few quid for a good cause and away you go looking gleaming and new again. Sounds like a good idea to me....

Allow Tonbridge cyclists on the pavements?...

The Courier front page today is banging on about the number of cyclists on the pavement in Tonbridge town centre. I must say that I haven't noticed many, if any, and there certainly doesn't seem to have been a huge recent upsurge in the incidence of this petty crime. So is this just media hype or is it a big problem in the town? You have to remember that  the roads are actually an awful lot more dangerous than they were in the Sixties and Seventies when I was growing up. Maybe the rules are out of date. In some countries, like Denmark for example, it's very common to see pedestrians and cyclists quite happily sharing the pavement. Perhaps the problem isn't whether they should be allowed of not but, more, whether cyclists should just show more consideration. When my kids were younger I wouldn't have dreamt of encouraging them to cycle on the main roads around the town. Yes I did tell them to go on the pavements but to do so slowly and safely. You can't blame young people for not wanting to risk their lives by taking their chances on the A26 to Tunbridge Wells for example, or Pembury Road. What about the A21? No way and there's not a cycle lane or a pavement there at all. Cycle lanes are often ill thought out (probably by car-loving non-cyclists) with absurd crossings from one side of the road to the other, they're very expensive to lay, badly maintained and what's more hardly even used. So why not let people ride on the pavements? After all bikes are probably less of a hazard than the growing number of mobilty scooters which don't have any restrictions at all; they are a lot heavier than your average push bike and can shoot along at a fair old rate of knots....

Will Mr. Books be the Last Bookshop?...

A little while back you may recall Tonbridge Blog mentioned that some trendily dressed young people had wandered into my shop complete with video camera and microphone saying that they were a film production company. Well they liked Mr. Books so much that they are now thinking of using the interior for some scenes in the film they are making called The Last Bookshop. As far as I can make out it's a fantasy/futuristic story set in a world with only one remaining bookshop. Even that doesn't actually sell any books because the internet has completely taken over and people have forgotten about the beauty of books. Sounds interesting? Then find out more. You'll also see the edited version of the impromptu interview of me about my thoughts on how the world wide web has effected the book trade. (Not necessarily all bad by the way.) It always makes you feel self conscious when you see yourself on video doesn't it. What the heck was I thinking wearing that jumper? And that designer stubble? That's going to have to go! I'm thinking of growing my hair long, having a goaty beard and wearing a trilby hat. Waddaya reckon?...

Feedback....

Starting to get quite a few nice comments about the Tonbridge Insider column. It's on my mind as I've just finished writing the Log for the April issue and it's always good to get it out of the way for another month (so that I can concentate on Tonbridge Blog of course.) You'll have to wait an see what's in store in the next issue. By the way if anyone has any stories or tit bits of gossip they'd like to see included then just let me know or maybe just post it below. It's often good to get something off yer chest....

Sevilleized hobby....

I notice in the Courier that local lass Kathie Foster Smith has surprised herself by coming third place in a national marmalade making competition. I haven't got the full facts in front of me so perhaps some one can post the details below but it seems that Kathie, who is better known to me, as being a prominent Slade residents association committee member, was staggered to discover that her preserves had made it to the final which Guardian journalists were judging. She's pictured in the paper grinning proudly behind a huge stack of her orangey produce which just made me feel incredibly hungry as I absolutely love the marmalade. So I hope that you're listening Kathie as I'd love to try a jar or two so that I can tell the good readers of TBlog and The Tonbridge Insider all about it. She certainly kept this hobby of hers quiet all these years. How about a part exchange for a few paperbacks before you become too famous?!

Tonbridge Half Marathon: update on training schedule....

My training session for the Tonbridge Half Marathon hasn't exactly got off to a flying start. You might even say that I've managed to go backwards! I did manage, as mentioned earlier this week, to get along to see some of the Tunbridge Wells Half Marathon last Sunday. What I got out of that was that there was clearly a requirement for sheer dedication and determination and also the sense that there was much cammeraderie in the whole experience. This, I kidded myself, might well carry me along on the day. Then I remembered just how little excercise I've done in the last five years and just how much work I need to put in to get anywhere near the magic 2 hours mark. You see I'm very confident that I could walk it with very little training. So that means that I could do it tomorrow in well under 5 hours by walking at a fairly comfortable pace. Running some and walking some would almost certainly get that time down to three and a half. So the training is all about shaving off those one and a half hours to achive the target I've sort of set myelf. My schedule so far then:

Sunday: watched part of T. Wells Half M
Monday: had lay in as it was my first chance for weeks. Then spent about four hours clearing out my loft and taking most of it to the council dump.
Tuesday: at work, feeling a little cold and under the weather.
Wednesday ditto
Thursday felt the urge to do some running but instead speed walked to work and then back again later. (A start possibly!)
Friday Big setback. Had a very dodgy tummy and felt terrible. Had the runs of a different kind! (Sorry but it's true.)
Saturday: Still feeling slightly dodgy so didn't even walk to work as I often do. Decided that my old moped needed a run out (and anyway it's much quicker and I was running late!)

Fortunately the race isn't until September; perhaps I should employ the services of a personal trainer. Waddaya think?...

Tonbridge Insider....

The Tonbridge Insider is a great name for a local magazine. I wish I'd thought of that! Anyway the March issue is out now so make sure you see a copy. If you don't have it pushed through your letterbox at home then go to the library and get a copy. There's this new page in there called Tonbridge Log which some say is worth a read....

Money for old ads....

You see those ads on this page in the top left hand corner and below the latest Tonbridge Blog posting. Well they are Google ads which have been, mostly quietly, sitting there changing and refreshing for the past year and a half. TBlog got a fair amount of criticism for "selling out" when I signed up to have them appear on this site but I figured that you'd hardly notice them after a while and they mght even enhance the look of it. Now I was never under the illusion that I'd make my millions from introducing these ads, or even make enough to buy a decent secondhand car but I did think maybe I'd make enough to buy a meal out once in a while, a little bonus shall we say. I've just received my first payment of £61.21 which has only taken from June 2009 until now to come through. You see the thing is, when you read the small print of the agreement you see that, rather cunningly and sneakily, they don't pay you at all unless the amount owed goes over £60 which is a bit tight of them but then that's probably why they are one of the most profitable companies in the world these days. Still it's enough for a nice Chinese takeaway from the Daily Rice this weekend and I didn't really have to do much to earn it....

TJ's give Tunbridge Wells a sound thrashing....

I popped along to see the Tonbridge Juddians give Tunbridge Wells a good sound thrashing at the local derby game held at the Slade ground on Saturday. On a crisply cold afternoon I missed the kick off but arrived about ten minutes into the match to hear the familiar sound of the refs whistle blowing, followed by applause from the sizeable crowd, which marked a TJs try. "Damn it!" I thought, "I've missed it!" Then I realised that this was the Tonbridge Juddians and there would probably be lots more. And do you know what, I was right. I forget the final score but it was of the order of about 45 points to 5. That five for T. Wells, by the way ,was well worked but completely against the run of play, more a result of the opposition's determination and probably a momentary lapse of concentration on TJ's part. Let's be under no illusions Tonbridge are now a club with ambitions, they believe in themselves and it shows. The word "match" would be a misnomer to describe the meeting of these two sides because, from where I was standing, (behind the posts at the club house end, near the score board) this looked like a total mis-match. The men versus the boys. Tonbridge are simply outstandingly strong when faced with lesser opposition like this and I mean no disrespect to Wells who I'm sure fought hard throughout the whole game even when they must have sensed early on that the best they could hope for was damage limitation. TJ's will be in the national league next season; having only lost one or two games in two seasons they deserve to be. So next season there will be many much more closely fought matches and, believe me, it will be worth going along for . I mean what more do you want on a Saturday afternoon? First rate rugby, free pitch side viewing, no pushing and shoving at the turnstile, no traffic jams, good wholesome food, witty conversation and of course lashings of Larkins ale. The only dampener on Saturday afternoon was the weather: with around 15 minutes to go, with the game pretty much in the bag for TJs, the heavens opened up and lashed down on the, mostly unprepared, 200 strong crowd. Most braved it to the final whistle though, including myself who ended up sharing my minuscule foldaway umbrella with some 15 stone ex- winger who said he'd left his in the car! Thanks Chris!...

Marathons....

And still with marathons, well actually half marathons. I was across the border in Tunbridge Wells on Sunday and chanced upon the Tunbridge Wells Half Marathon. This one has been going for some years now and attracts nearly two thousand entrants. I know I've said that I've entered the inaugural Tonbridge one this September and that it is going to give me the excuse I need to get fit again but the truth is, other than that, I could never really see the point of these events. Yes a lot of people do great things for charities and I'm sure a lot of cash was raised for several well chosen such charities at the Tunbridge Wells event. But is that enough? Is that really the reason that several hundred people got themselves up out of bed early on Sunday, when they could otherwise have had a nice lay in? Isn't there more to it than that? Standing about half a mile from the finish on the St. Johns Road on Sunday gave me part of the answer to that question. For it was in those few minutes that I saw the skill, the fitness and the commitment of the serious runners; but also the determination, the sense of pride and the cammaraderie of the runners who just wanted to get round the course to say that they'd done it. To say that on Sunday February 27th I did something, I helped make a difference, I was part of something bigger than just my own world. And it struck me that that must be a good thing. I saw some runners helping those who had pushed themselves so hard that they looked like they might collapse before the finish line, I heard many people clapping and egging each other on to get to the finish line inside the magic two hour time and I saw people high fiving young kids who were cheering them on from the cars which were stuck in the traffic jam that their event had caused. It felt good to watch let alone be apart of. I was struggling to understand why people enter these large events; now I sort of get it....

Tonbridge Half Marathon: A public declaration....

Tonbridge Blog has been looking for an excuse to get really fit again for quite some time. You see back in the day I used to be as fit as a butcher's dog. Played rugby, was a county standard hurdler at schoolboy level and wasn't a bad 400 metre runner either. I could hold my own on the football pitch as a defender also. I went to the gym, went running, cycling, swimming, trail walking, climbing. You get the picture. Nowadays I read quite a bit, lift a few boxes of books in and out of the shop but other than that I sit and watch my slowly expanding belly get ever larger! So I was delighted when sat reading the local rag this morning to see Kelly Holmes' smiling face grinning back at me. She is looking a lot prettier these days, it has to be said, but that is beside the point. She is championing the Tonbridge Half Marathon which is scheduled for September 25th this year and that is just the excuse I need to get my fitness back on track. I could just do it through will power alone but I've always found that you tend to stick to things much more if you have a goal in sight, a solid reason for pushing yourself to new limits. This is especially so if it involves public embarrassment if you make an idiot of yourself. So here it is then: I publicly declare that I am putting myself forward for this year's half marathon, not to win it but to run it in a respectable time. What that realistic time is I don't know yet; I'm sure one or two readers will have suggestions!...

TJ's Riding High....

The Tonbridge Juddians rugby team have been riding high again this season with, at the last count, only one defeat in the whole season. A record the mighty All Blacks themselves would be proud of! This Saturday they play host to local rivals Tunbridge Wells in a rearranged fixture which was snowed off just before Christmas. They have arranged the usual lunch for the big wigs and, more importantly a marquee behind the club house which will probably have a hog roast and other such succulent treats as well as lashings of Larkins ale. I may be along to catch the second half myself....

An arts festival to be proud of....

What's happening about the Tonbridge Arts Festival this year? Tonbridge Blog thought that the idea was that there'd be an annual event starting with last year's. The ten days last October really were a total treat, an overdose of the arts I think I described it as at the time. So why the uncertainty over this year's event? Probably down to a certain amount of organiser's fatigue which I can fully understand; just organising the book fair in Tonbridge for the past six years or so and knowing the efforts you put into it for seemingly little reward, and an awful lot of grief, it's easy to see why it would be hard to motivate yourself soon after Christmas to get on with organising the next one. The disappointing numbers at some of the events may have caused disillusion but that could have been down to pricing, availability of tickets and lack of information more than inertia on the part of the event goers. I understand that a meeting is taking place at West Kent College of committee members of last year's festival and anyone else interested. There is absolutely no doubt that it is a worthwhile event and, with the right backing, the abundance of enthusiasm which already exists, proper promotion and a professional ticket sales operation, it could become an annual event which everyone in the town will be very proud of....

Tonbridge Blonde....

I still haven't tasted Blonde Ambition, the only beer that I'm aware our very own Tonbridge Brewery produces. I'm told it's very nice and that, among other places I can try it at that pub in the middle of the Pantiles (Duke of York is it?) But, hang on, that's in Tunbridge Wells! Surely there are one or two Tonbridge pubs serving the lovely stuff. Here's what the CAMRA Good Beer Guide says about it: "Tonbridge Brewery was launched in 2010 using a four-barrel plant and is run by Paul and Lynne Bournazian. It produces cask conditioned ales using only Kent grown hops and supplies pubs within a fifteen mile radius of Tonbridge." Oh yeah, which ones then? Blonde Ambition the guide descibes as: "A crisp, clean blonde ale with a refreshing bitterness and slightly spicy aroma." Right that's it; how long's it take to drive over to the Pantiles. Oh no, strong beers, better get the bus!!..

Local blogs....

And on the subject of local bloggers I'm pleased to see that Three Beautiful Things, the Tunbridge Wells based site, is still going strong. Such a lovely idea and so simple. It can be a little twee and corney at times some might say but most of the time it's an easy uplifting read with, often, poetic language and beautiful descriptions of simple pleasures as seen through the eyes of the author. The blog has been going at least four years and I still like it...

Who does anke think he is?...

I notice that anke the Tunbridge Wells blogger was listed among the Courier's Tunbridge Wells "Power List 2011"as being one of the town's movers and shakers. He was listed alongside the likes of MP Greg Clarke, businessman Simon Hume Kendal, Bob Atwood the head of TW Borough Council and Jason Dormon the co-owner of The Forum and other night time venues. But Anke! Come off it what's he got then? I mean apart from a local blog site with a few pretty pictures which, so I'm told, one or two people like to read. It's only a blog for gawd's sakes. Not like it's the Huffington Post or The Telegraph Online or anything is it? His was the only picture in the article to be darkened out in mysterious fashion as if keeping his anonymity. We all know who you are you know so what's with the pretence. What an anke! Not that I'm jealous or anything!...

Where would you like to go this half term?...

Well school half term is upon us again. Actually strictly speaking that's not true since most schools don't even call it that any more. Strictly it's the third term of six but most people still refer to it as half term. Clear? No neither am I. Anyway the main point of this post was not to give you a lesson in current educational practices but rather to find out what people are up to. Are you just carrying on working like normal? Going places with the kids? Eating out or has the recession bit? (Bad pun that one!) Let's have some suggestions of the best places to go in and around Tonbridge. You're not allowed to say things like "as far away as possible" because that just wouldn't be fair!...

Comment Moderation....

Comment moderation is when the publisher of the blog (that's me) reads the comment first and then decides whether to not to publish it. I don't use it across the board very much, hardly ever in fact and Tonbridge Blog has only ever censored or deleted a handful of comments in over four years. I do generally keep an eye on older comments, which currently are being comment moderated. The main reason for this is to avoid spam comments designed to direct the reader to unsavory web sites and direct selling sites. If you have noticed delays in your comments going on against posts over two weeks old then that's the reason. I did lift it altogether for a recent post which attract way more comments than usual but have now reintroduced it. If it gets too annoying I'll lift it again....

Medieval Tonbridge....

Angus Donald was in Mr. Books not half an hour ago. Who is he? He is a Tonbridge-based successful author of medieval historical novels. The success of his first two books Outlaw and Holy Warrior have led to publishers, Little Brown, siging him up to write another ten in the series. Seems like a nice chap and suitably excentric for an author. Of course I managed to sell him a couple of history books and sign him up for the next Tonbridge Book Fair in October. Alys Clare is another well known and locally based successful historical novelist so there must be something in the water around here. Or maybe it's the influence of the splendid 12th Century castle we're blessed with....

Snagging list....

I've been like a bear with a sore head for the past few weeks. Being short with people. Ratty. Bad tempered. Argumentative and mildly aggressive. On all of these counts I'm guilty as charged! The reason for this is snagging. This is a word I only learnt about a month ago and it's almost turned me into a nervous wreck. Let me explain. I've been having some major building work done at home since November last year. I could cope with the pouring over drawings, the men arriving at 7-30 most mornings during the dark days of December and January, the industrial drilling noises and the loud radios set seemingly permanently on the Chris Moyles show. It didn't bother me too much that the builders had to tear down half the wall and the garage roof. It didn't bother me when the plasterers made a complete mess of the new floors and left their paw prints all over the kettle and the fridge; or when I had to make about eight cups of tea and coffee every morning for about two months. What's got to me is all this snagging business. Snagging is a good word for it actually as it is the tying up of all the loose ends that need fixing at the end of the job. The rough edges that need smoothing at the bottoms of doors, the grub screws missing off the handles, the sticking door latch, the bit of sealant missing from the sink, that sort of thing. It isn't that any one of them should get you all agitated, or that two or three of them together should make you irate. It's more the sheer number of them nagging at you constantly, milling around in my tiny brain, eating away at me in the night as I realise that I forgot that the grouting on the tiles of the front step hadn't been added to the snagging list. Still it'll all be finished soon and I can then sit back and enjoy my new study. Damn it I've just noticed a scuff on that new laminate floor. Where's me snagging list?!..

Enough to drive you batty!...

I see that the Kent and Sussex Courier were up to their old tricks in today's issue: miss quoting, sensationalizing, and miss spelling various key words in their report on last Friday's Tonbridge Has Talent, held at Tonbridge School. The most howling and unforgiveablen error they made though was possibly in their mention of the "Cawdrey twins," who were singing a medley of close harmonies and were alarmingly good at it for such strapping lads. Would they, by any chance, be the grandsons in the legendary cricketing family descending from one Colin Cowdrey, one of the school's most famous old boys? I'm told that at least one of the twins is not so bad with the bat himself. They were certainly able to bat away most of the Simon Cowell-like criticism from the judging panel!...

£3.95 for a small popcorn at the Odeon!!!!

A small Pepsi, small sweet popcorn, chocolate Aero Bubble Pouch. How much would you expect to pay for these three items?  three or four quid? Ok if I told you they were purchased at the Odeon cinema who, by the way, are fanatical about film, would you then think they'd add up to a bit more. Maybe five or six pounds. Try £9.50! That's what my unsuspecting teenage daughter paid out of her own saved up pocket money last Sunday. Sorry to sound like a right tight arse but, come off it guys, this is a complete rip off. The only thing you can do by way of protest is to just not buy anything there. Why can't they just charge reasonable prices instead of these absurdly outrageous ones? How would you like this if you were only getting a fiver a week:

Choc Aero Bubble Pouch £2.90
Small Pepsi £2.65
Small Sweet Popcorn £3.95
Total £9.50

Blimey imagine what the bill would've come to if she'd decided to go large! If they were doing any meal deals, as I know they used to, then they certainly weren't making it obvious. It's bordering on exploitation to rip off young kids who are still a bit wet behind the ears. If only the Odeon were fanatical about snacks as well then they might stop overcharging for them....

Clean your Valentine's Day sheets for you?!..

I've heard it all now. The new launderette on Quarry Hill Parade (Bubbles is it?) is doing a Valentine's Day special. Duvets washed, dried and folded up neatly for a tenner. The mind boggles....

Have you got Fly Fishing by JR Hartley?!..

As a matter of fact yes I do have it. It's the only book in Mr. Books which isn't for sale and if I had a pound for each person who has walked into my shop in the last few years and asked that question I wouldn't be rich but I'd certainly be able to afford a half decent rod and some flies. In fact just before I opened the shop, nearly six years ago now, Fly Fishing by JR Hartley was the only book sitting in the window! The reason I keep it is partly so I can say to those smart Alecs "Look there it is!" and partly to indicate that I can obtain any book and indeed see it as a personal challenge to do so. It was particularly nice therefore to see the new take on this famous ad which is a brilliant adaptation with a trendy looking but aging dude going from record shop to record shop trying to find an obscure old recording from 1992 by Day V Lately. You get the idea. When he arrives home exhausted and despondent his daughter hands him her i-phone and presses the Yell.com ap so that he can search around some more. In a brilliant echo of the original ad the shop who has a copy of the record asks him his name. "My name?" he says "...is Day V. Lately!" Superb! Check it out right now on YouTube....

Just call me Piers Cowalsh....

The Courier have been in touch asking me for a quote about Tonbridge Has Talent which was held at Tonbridge School on Friday night. They asked me what it was like to be a Simon Cowell like judge, in other words the harsh one who takes all the flack from the audience. All I can say to that is that I didn't set out to be the harsh judge but merely told it as I saw it. So harsh at times maybe but always fair and honest. I could have just said "Oh yes that was really lovely and you have a great future in entertainment, well done!" But really how much good would that have done them. They may have sang and performed well enough but, as Louis Walsh might say, did they make the songs their own?!..

Tonbridge Insider Out Now....

Front cover of latest issue features Christine Highland's map of central Tonbridge

I still haven't seen my copy yet but it is out now so I'm told. If you haven't had one through the door then that's just your tough luck! There's some joker in there writing a column called Tonbridge Log. I wonder where he got that idea from....

Tonbridge HAS talent....

So did Tonbridge have talent? Most emphatically the answer is YES. Ok a few of the 19 acts were alot stronger than some of the others but, on the whole the standard was once again very high. I did what I consider to be the easy bit sitting on the panel of judges looking like something between Piers Morgan and Louis Walsh and acting more like a slightly less cruel Simon Cowell. I must apologise to the singer in the very first act, Jack Rosies, I jokingly said that he wasn't aloud to wear hoodies and, bless him, he took it down sharpish and said that he hoped he hadn't caused any offence. If only all hoody wearers were that polite! From that moment on I had the audience against me, hissing at my every word. OK not quite that but, hey look, I was only being honest and telling it as I saw and heard it. There were many many interesting and wonderful performances by children and young adults from ages 10 to 17 from a wide variety of schools in the area so the judging was particularly difficult this year. Actually not really because this year there were three or four performances which shone out and screamed me me me much louder and brighter than the others (lovely mixed metaphors there!) Some of the acts were technically brilliant but not performed with great enthusiasm and charisma, others were the opposite: brilliantly performed but with little technical or musical skill. There was one young girl who had it all though and came out a clear winner for me anyway: Asha Parkinson played "Alfie's Theme" a solo on the saxophone and I tell you, for a girl of about eleven, she was absolutely fantastic. In fact for a man of about 45 she'd have been equally as brilliant. She had it all, and like all great performers she made it look effortless, I actually thought for a few moments that she must be miming to a backing track but it really was her; if you closed your eyes you could have been listening to The Bird himself, Charlie Parker, or the magnificent Courtney Pine it really was that good. If I were Simon Cowell I'd have signed her up right there on the spot for here is a girl with a serious musical future and make no mistake. I think that I may have embarrassed Holly Wellington during my comments in front of a four hundred strong audience by remarking that on her Twitter profile she has the audacity to claim to be "the next big thing" but settled her down by saying that she may just be right. Holly didn't win the first prize but she may have well have done as she was awarded sponsor Gift Daze's special prize of a day in a professional recording studio where they'll help her to produce a top quality demo tape. Holly has a lovely rich, slightly gravelly voice which is quite unique and she was singing a beautiful song called Through the Dark which she'd written herself. She was quite superb. The other prizes went to the Cowdrey Twins who sang a medley of harmonies and were nothing at all like those other infamous twins Jedward. They looked more like a couple of rugby players than singers but boy did they sound great. Jody Zimmerman came in joint second along side the twins, having tap danced  her heart out to "Where he ain't" Her performance was worthy of the West End where indeed she has performed already as Marta Von Trapp in The Sound of Music and in Les Miserables at the Queen's Theatre. The third prize had to be split 33 ways as the Ukelele Orchestra from TGS plucked sang and strummed to "Begging" by the Four Seasons which certainly had the whole audience clapping along and tapping their feet to the beat. They filled the stage with their lovely music; just think what a better place the world would be if every one played Ukelele! Now there's a thought my solution to world disharmony: every one is issued with a uke and forced to be able to play at least six chords! The whole night was hugely entertaining and clearly showed that Tonbridge most definitely has talent in abundance....

Big School, Old Big School, new Big School....

Some people laugh when Big School and Old Big School are mentioned, thinking that it all sounds terribly quaint and old fashioned not to mention somewhat confusing to the unintiated. Well they're probably right on that score (but what's wrong with that any way?) Just to clear things up then: Tonbridge School was, for many many years, known as The Big School but as it grew larger and more buildings had to be added they had to distinguish between the various halls and teaching rooms. Big School is now the larger of the two halls at the front of the school (you know the big school) and Old Big School is the smaller of the two which, presumably, used to once be known as Big School itself, before the new Big School was built. But after then it had to be called Old Big School since Big School wasn't to be named New Big School, which may have avoided the confusion. So Big School must have become Old Big School to make way for the new Big School being called just plain Big School to replace its older smaller brother hall (or is it sister hall?!) And that's the story of Big School. As the meercat says: Simples!...

Does Tonbridge have talent?...

If previous years are anything to go by the answer is an emphatic YES! This Friday at Big School Tonbridge School the finalists of Tonbridge Has Talent, mostly from the schools in the town, will gather to perform a huge variety of singing, juggling, magic, ukeleleing, street dance, drumming, comedy, ventriloquism, you name it. About three hours of good old variety entertainment. For the third year running Yours Truly will be pretending to be Simon Cowell (or is it Amanda Holden!) for the evening putting my two penneth in and slating the young performers, er, I mean, giving constructive criticism and good advice! I'm pretty sure that the event is open to all, that is to say not just friends and family of the finalists, and you can probably pay on the door. So will it be XXX or three yeses?

The Last Book Shop....

Working in a secondhand bookshop you do get to meet some weird and wonderful people. I've just spent the last half an hour or so with four young guys who just chanced upon my shop and qualified on both counts as being both weird and wonderful. After a bit of sweet talking me they asked if I'd mind being filmed to express my views about the effect of the internet on the book trade (not all negative by any means by the way.) They told me that they are part of a small film production company who have embarked on a new film project based on a fictional idea of a small boy finding the last book shop in the world which never sold any books because book readers had ceased to exist. I asked them if this interview was going to turn out to be just an almighty wind-up by a fellow bookseller or someone but they assured me that they were being completely genuine. So what did I have to lose? As the Dr. Pepper ad goes: What's the worst that can happen?! I love the idea of their film, so simple and yet so deep in possibilities. Naturally they have a blog and a web site which you can look at if you are at all interested and not too busy ordering your next book group book on amazon!...

A bang on the head....

Four little beauties: Tunbridge Wells Brewery's range 

I've been out of sorts recently. Not been myself really. For the first time ever I sent an email reply to completely the wrong person which could have been very dangerous. Fortunately it was only to somebody who was chasing me up about a book they'd ordered from me which had obviously got held up in the post. The reply went to someone who was trying to order a completely different one which merely served to completely baffle him. Thankfully it wasn't an intimate one to my new lover or someone arranging a clandestine meeting that evening!(Not that I have one you understand; I ought to make that clear.) I've done a few other stupid things in the last week or so and even had heated arguments with my sister and with a neighbour, both of which have never happened before. I put this all down to one of two thngs: the stress caused by over two months of building work at home steadily taking it's toll on me as every morning I'm having to wake up and make decisions and make cups of coffee (the preferred drink of most builders these days I've discovered; builders tea is a myth!) The other cause could well be the bang on the back of the head when I was up in the loft the other day. I stood up and whacked my bonce on the lintel of a new hatch in the loft so hard it almost made me faint. The day before I'd watched the TV series Waking the Dead in which a young woman had banged her head in a similar way as she fell down some steps on a double decker bus and then had died (assumed murdered but actually not) three hours later and fell in a canal. So the next few hours after my blow on the skull were nervous ones I can tell you! Actually a third reason might be my semi detox diet of eating healthily and not drinking alcohol. It's the same as a full detox diet except mine is only self enforced from Monday to Friday. I reckon I've lost a few pounds and do feel a bit fitter but at the cost of feeling stressy and more forgetful. Maybe it's a combination of all three and it is nearly Friday so I'll be able to test out another bottle in the Tunbridge Wells Brewery's range of excellent beers. A report could follow next week on that and almost certainly in the next issue of the Tonbridge Insider as I've already written and submitted it. The things I have to do for science!...

Labouring on in Tonbridge....

The secretary of Tonbridge and Malling Labour Party, Jim Parish, had this to say about Labour's increased vote in yesterday's county council by-election:

“Yesterday’s result was a splendid one for Tonbridge Labour Party.  Our candidate, EMILY WILLIAMS, increased the Labour vote from 944 to 1,216 in a very low poll of 23% - a swing of over 12 per cent to Labour since 2009.

“This result puts us on a clear road to success in the Borough elections on 5 May.”  

Would that be the same Emily Williams who was reported in the local press as having trashed her home town Tonbridge?!..

Election Special....

I decided to vote yesterday evening after all and I'm glad I did. It always makes me feel good to exercise my democratic right; after all people die in other countries for that right so driving a few hundred yards out of my way seems a small inconvenience. Yet I'll bet when the turn out is worked out for this county council election that it'll be somewhere around 25% of the electorate. This means that around 75% of voters couldn't make it along to the polling station, thought that their vote wouldn't make any difference or, more likely, couldn't be arsed to tear themselves away from The One Show!  I can be all self righteous now because I was arsed to go and vote! Who did I vote for? How can you ask such a personal question?! As there was no Monster Raving Looney Party I had to register my protest and vote for the %$£&*~#*& party. The result can be seen on any newspaper politics page online and the unconfirmed result was posted in the comments in the last piece as The Cons having, rather predictably, romped home with Labour being the only significant gainer....

Tonbridge is struck by election fever (not)....

To say that political parties' campaigning for the county council election around Tonbridge has been low key really is an understatement. All I can think that I've had through my letter box is a black and white cheaply produced four page leaflet from the Lib Dems. But at least they made a little bit of an effort. There's been no door stepping, no speeches, no loud speaker announcements from cars, no hand shaking in the streets. Nothing at all from the other parties. Is Tonbridge so sewn up by the Conservatives that no one even bothers any more? Someone just asked me if I'd already voted and I had to be honest and say that I'd forgotten all about the election. Terrible really I ought to go out right now or on my way home. Shall I? Oh maybe. Only if I can be bothered though. It's about 200 yards out of my way though so maybe not. I should really though....

Wrong type of bulbs!...



The View along Tonbridge High Street at 4-30pm

 I know that Tonbridge Blog has had a good moan about this once or twice before but really is it acceptable to have so many street lights at the North end of the High Street out? I counted seven between the corner of Bank Street and the Ivy House alone not working the other night (around half the total on that stretch.) We are told that because this is a conservation area the lamp posts are of a different type and therefore the bulbs more difficult to obtain. Sound familiar? The wrong type of bulbs to coin a phrase! The wrong type of council more like. What the heck are they playing at, it's been like this on and off for at least two years now. Recession or not it's just not on to keep us all in the dark like this. Save money where you can but not on street lighting surely. So come on TMBC and KCC stop arguing over whose responsibility it all is and sort it. It costs shops trade in the winter months and it's probably a God send to burglars and thieves....

For the Love of God!...

Tonbridge Blog always likes to steer clear of politics and religion but I must say it's getting quite difficult to do that at the moment. Today's Courier has the story of a potentially imflatory article published in church magazine Keys. Now you wouldn't normally expect such a dear old sleepy little village like Hildenborough to be the source of a storm about anti-Islamism but it just shows you the times in which we live. You have to be careful what you say about pretty much everything these days, which can get frustrating, but you'd think this would be one area which the contributors and editor of the magazine would exercise extreme caution on. I haven't read the piece so I won't comment further on the content. It is a free country and thank God it is but surely we have to recognise that non-Christian people many of whom live and work around us, in our communities, also have the right to worship to their gods. That said it is a church magazine so why shouldn't an individual member of the community have the right to express her views however intolerant?...

The Tonbridge Insider out now...

The January issue of The Tonbridge Insider is on sale now (what's that? it's free? Well even better then.) It should be popping through your letter box any day now and there's a new page in there called Tonbridge Log. I wonder which impostor writes that! Nice front cover as well and honestly it really was only that the editor liked it and thought it summed up the big freeze weather....

Tonbridge Flooding....

Without wishing to sound alarmist isn't the Hilden Brook near the Rugby Club and the swimming pool getting a little on the high side? I know we get this every year but it has been known to burst its banks around there and submerge the road near the entrance to the Lower Castle Fields car park. You can't appreciate it very much from the picture but it is flowing really quite fast. It might make for a very quick game of Pooh Sticks if nothing else!...

Tonbridge Juddians battle against the elements....

Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club are riding high at the moment having only lost one game all season when I last checked. Their battle with the elements however is proving less successful. Poor old TJs! Looking at the lovely scene of ducks bobbing along on that tranquil pond you'd think that it was just any old typical river picture. It's only when you look a little further that you realise that this is actually the flood waters starting to build up yet again at the back of TJs club house and towards the pitches, which are sometimes knee deep in water! After all those postponed games before Christmas due to the snow it looks like there could be some more to come. Unless those groundsmen get out there with their forks they'll be playing rugby until July this season!...

Sir John Stanley retiring?...

What's all this about a Tonbridge by election I'm hearing? Here's me getting all excited about the prospect of the smooth and debonair Sir John (Stanley) stepping down and making way for new blood in the same mould as Tunbridge Wells MP (Not Sir) Gregg Clarke and wondering why this is the first I'd heard of it. Maybe I'd missed some important news or announcement over the Christmas period. Maybe Sir John was finally swaping his sharp politician's suit for a tweed number and some wellies for the garden! But no, my hopes were dashed when I discovered that it was just a County Council by election and some young college grad is causing a stink by saying that Tonbridge is Dulls Ville. I think the average turnout for this type of polling day is around 21% and I'm sure this one won't be much different. That means that nearly four fifths of the elctorate cannot be arsed to go out and vote. I don't know about you but I can't seem to muster any kind of enthusiam for county elections....

Food Shortages in Tonbridge!...

Sainsbury's Car Park full up?

Apparently Waitrose was like a rummage at a church sale yesterday as people poured in to grab seemingly any food and drink they could lay their hands on. The reason for this temporary insanity seems to have been that the up market food retailer had decided to close its doors until Tuesday. Shock horror! That's three whole days that you'll have to manage on just the food in your, probably already overstocked, cupboards. It's fairly well known that, if push came to shove, then most households would comfortably be able to last a week and, with a bit of imagination and resourcefulness, maybe two or three weeks on the food in the house. The problem is you see we've all got too used to our cushy lifestyles. We think that the family will go to ruin if we don't have some Cars water biscuits and brie in the fridge or if we're down to our last bottle of M&S Bucks Fizz. Come on let's keep a sense of proportion, no one is going to starve just because Waitrose is closed for a few days especially since I've just heard Sainsbury's are staying open all weekend anyway. Don't blame me if there's now a riot at Sainsbury's as old grannies fight it out over who gets the last bag of frozen prawns....