Floody Tonbridge....

Here's the poem which I read/performed at last night's Roundel poetry evening. It seemed to go down well enough so I thought I'd share it with you all. Now, you have to imagine me standing there in the Rose and Crown Hotel wearing a snorkel and mask on top of my head. I kid you not and have about 70 witnesses!

 

Floody Tonbridge

 

Tonbridge, Hildenborough, East Peckham and Yalding
We were on the telly … like that Clare Balding.
Cameron came, but Clegg? He never
All them politicians out braving the weather
Were they bothered ‘bout our feelings and views
Or were it enough to be on’t six o’clock news?!

We’ll never forget that night, the wind roaring
Rain hurtling down, God it was pouring!
Christmas Eve, when we should have been writing n wrapping
The flippin rain kept rat a tap tapping

Then, soon after, they opened the gates, over at Leigh
Resulting in unmanned canoes and boats a floating on by
Anything, usually on the banks so neatly
Went white water rafting if not tethered completely!

Commuters are moaning in First Class compartments
Questions being asked in Government departments.
Home owners, they say, given one hour to go?
Shouldn’t the barrier have regulated the flow?
Should houses be built by the banks of the river?
The answer my friends must surely be never!
No need to discuss, no need to deliberate
Just take a look at the level, on the post, from 1968!

Oh, there’ll be many a claim for damages, you bet,
The insurance’ll make sure that most of them met.
But will the Environment Agency put its hands up and say
“It was us. We got it wrong on that day!”

Will they floody heck!!