Books are coming home....

Well that's another West Kent Book Fair out of the way! It went alright at Tonbridge School on Sunday but, as one regular commenter on this blog mentioned, quite a few people clearly stayed at home to make good use of a dry Sunday to get some gardening and home maintenance done. It always slightly surprises me that out of the 2 million or so people in West Kent, only a few hundred turn up for the fair. Having said that it always seems to be the right few hundred people, mainly book collectors. They will travel far and wide whatever the weather in search of those illustrious first editions. Book collecting is not a bad idea in the current economic climate either; why put your money in a bank to earn half a percent interest, if you're luck, when you can enjoy hunting for and then owning some rare and beautiful, cloth and leather bound volumes which, more often than not, appreciate in value quite significantly over the years. Rare books don't become less scarce with time do they? Have I convinced you to put your money in books and to come along to the next book fair in October? Or in the meantime there's always a visit to Mr. Books in Bank Street! To coin a phrase from the famous football song: after 10 years of internet books are definitely coming home...

West Kent Book Fair in Tonbridge on Sunday....

At the risk of harping on about this event a bit too much and lapsing into the pit of using this blog as an advertising vehicle for my own businesses, which is not really intended most of the time, there is a book fair at Tonbridge School this Sunday from 10am to 4pm. I won't say another thing about it except to say if you want to go click here to find out the full details and for directions to the event....

What's occuring in Tonbridge?

Well half the attic wall fell down onto the pavement to the side of Silvermans Jewellers on the corner of the High Street and Bank Street, near my bookshop. Lucky there was no one underneath, parking their bike or something! It caused a hell of a clatter and could have killed some one, or at least very seriously injured them. That was yesterday afternoon and I must say the Police and council repair men were very swiftly on the scene to clean up the large mess of wood, plaster and bricks which had rained down (narrowly missing my shop sign I might add!) and to ensure nobody walked underneath. So credit where it's due. Meanwhile I'm putting the finishing touches to the organising of the West Kent Book Fair which, if you didn't know already and you are interested enough to come and have a browse, is this Sunday from 10 till 4. There's quite a bit to do in telling the Tonbridge School porters where to put the tables, catering equipment, etc. Then there's the late cancellations and bookings from the book dealers to field. And you thought it just happened! The weather forecast, thankfully looks fine, even a bit sunny, which is good and also quite unusual as it has rained, snowed and rained on the day of the previous three fairs. Business in the shop is quiet at the moment, lunch time and another iffy day weather wise never helps. The high street is quiet and relatively traffic free ahead of the jams which will undoubtedly take place in about an hours time when all the schools kick out. Shortly followed by the office workers going home for their teas. What's occuring in your part of Tonbridge? Anyone out there?...

Planning for change in Tonbridge?...

Last night I went to the Civic Society's monthly meeting at the Angel Centre to hear what Steve Humphrey had to say. Steve has got some fancy title but basically he's in overall charge of planning matters in Tonbridge (and let's not forget Malling.) He and his team have a large say in what buildings go and which don't go in our town. Many of the decisions he takes effect Tonbridge not just right now but for future generations too. He ran through the main developments under consideration at present and they include the Botany area, which has just had a major and rather hideous in my opinion, planning application rejected, West Kent College's new building, which is a £70 million project, large in anyone's book; and then there was Tonbridge School's new sports and media centre, the Riverside Centre, with its 11 storey church tower and the list went on. Many of these developments could change the skyline of Tonbridge for good, and it is slightly worrying, but also a bit exciting, that there is no cap on the height of a new building in the town; each case is taken on it's own merits according to Steve. It has to be inkeeping with the town and it's overall strategic plan and it has to be, to use Mr. Humphrey's phrase, fit for purpose. So in other words it's completely down to the imagination of the developers and the discretion of the handful of, probably overstretched, workers in the planning department at the council. We are pretty much in their hands. There have been a few notable exceptions where the voices of the townsfolk have been heard when they've objected to large projects, such as Oracle's 15 storey tower block development, but these instances are few and far between. The civic society in Tonbridge seem to have their heart very firmly in the right place, even if they are by nature a rather genteel pressure group, but is that enough? The town it seems is at a crossroads in it's development, and the recession, by the way will only slightly delay the final outcome: will Tonbridge stay as a quaint little one street town hanging on to it's market town past? Or will it embrace change and not stand in the way of developers, who may have spotted its potential to develope into something much more significant? Next time you're down that way take a look at the vast acres of space around the Angel Centre, Botany, the railway car parks and imagine how it would look with a huge shopping centre and 15 or twenty story flats and offices above. Ask yourself do you like what you see....

Famous folk of Tonbridge and beyond....

TonbridgeBlog has covered "Famous People of Tonbridge" before so I won't babble on about Colin Cowdrey and E.M. Forster or even Eliza Acton and, dare I claim it, Jane Austen. But I did find out the other day that apparently the famously rotund dry commedienne, Jo Brand, of QI and other programmes fame, is the most famous Twiglet of all time. (Inappropriate nickname, as I'm sure Jo will admit!) That is to say she went to Tunbridge Wells Girls Grammar School, TWGGS for short (geddit?) I know that's not quite Tonbridge, but where's the TunbridgewellsBlog to tell you about it? So someone's got to mention these things!...

Lost Powder Mills of Leigh book signing at Book Fair....

Anyone interested in the excellent new local history book, The Lost Powder Mills of Leigh by Chris Rowley, which I have had to restock twice already will be able to buy a signed copy or three at the West Kent Book Fair next Sunday. Chris will be there from about 10-30 am to around midday....

Twittering on and book buying....

Too busy selling books and sorting out storage and clearing out stock to make way for new stock to be bothered much with blogging at the moment. Anyway I've discovered Twitter.com! The great thing about that is it's always short and sweet, as you have to say what you want to say within 140 characters max, unlike here where I could just ramble on for pages and in any case how many people are actually reading it, judging by the comments not that many and I can't actually work out the number of page views since TonbridgeBlog converted to Google blogger; I know it was around 2,000 hits a day on the old site, but was that the same person visiting 2,000 pages or was it 2,000 people visiting only one page each; probably somewhere in the middle, but where in the middle? Who knows! I did say that you can ramble on for pages and that you should try twitter didn't I. Anyway what I would like to know is what brings people out book buying. I've been a book seller now for 5 years and I still haven't worked that out. If it's raining they stay in or go to Bluewater, if it's sunny they take a trip to the coast or do some gardening. Maybe what I need is a dull, but not too cold day, with no hint of rain or wind, when Bluewater is closed and there are no other sales on and the internet happens to have crashed that day! Also what are John Adams playing at? Are they trying to keep the good folk of Tonbridge guessing as to are they closing or aren't they. First they advertise "Closing Down Sale" and tell everyone that they're closing at the end of March. Then they take the signs down and tell people they can now order new books but they're not restocking. The good thing for Mr. Books is that they are driving people to my shop to order new books as well as top quality secondhand books where, incidentally, they will find friendly service all year round! I have it on fairly good authority (I spoke to the owner, who curiously is no longer John Adams, but a London bookseller called Doug) that they are open for another six months while they flog off the old stock and then it'll be bye bye Tonbridge. So I find myself in the quite nice position of being the only independent bookseller in the town. All I need now are customers to stop buying their books on the internet and for WH. Smiths to follow Woollies and go bust and perhaps a bigger shop!...

Free Tonbridge Press....

I was speaking to my mole at the Courier yesterday and it seems that they are having big problems over at Courier HQ. In last weekend's paper you may have noticed that the management sneaked in an announcement about job cuts and more office closures and that they are folding the Focus free sheet as of next week (not that anyone will miss that three minute read!) It seems that there is more to it and that the office in Sevenoaks for the Chronicle is to be closed and much of the sub editing, design and backroom staff are to be moved to new offices in Chelmsford. So the Sevenoaks Chronicle is to be written from Tunbridge Wells and designed and edited in Essex. Ditto the Tonbridge edition of the Kent and Sussex Courier. (Make that the Kent, Sussex and Essex Courier and the way they are going on Surrey, Suffolk and Hampshire!) Surely this has all gone a step too far; how can these papers be local papers any more. Don't local papers need a constant ear to the ground in the town which they're reporting on. Even the best of their reporters won't be able to achieve truely local stories of any depth by holding a weekly "surgery" in the library. It just won't work. What they'll end up doing is going more and more down the well trodden route of relying on stories coming to them. By the nature of things these stories tend to be PR led. Have a read through the so-called "stories" in the paper (any paper for that matter) and see how many of them mention some company, charity, event or organisation. That usually is the main source of the story; quite a scarey prospect if you think about it. It's called lazy journalism, they get their stories by sitting on their backsides and the PR companies feed them information to get exposure for their clients. It's not how it should work, but the reality is that this is how it increasingly does work and the Courier's short termist strategy only serves to exacerbate this process. TonbridgeBlog has said this before but isn't it time to bring back the Tonbridge Free Press? Actually the Courier group still own that brand name but I'm sure they'll sell it to someone for a few pence. After all they clearly have no further use for it!...

West Kent College....

I was over at West Kent College yesterday afternoon and, although the place is just a huge building site at the moment, I couldn't help but think that the college will be amazing when it's finished. Unfortunately that isn't likely to be until the back end of 2011, but it's going to be worth waiting for I reckon; after all they are spending a staggering £70 million on it's construction. I've seen the plans for the frontage of the new building and, from memory, they looked very impressive and modern, which may not please everyone but should at least make the amateur architects among us look twice. There will undoubtedly be more complaints about parking problems and the like, but I'm sure that most will be ironed out with sensible provisions for cyclists and pedestrians combined with good transport links into the town. I sort of pity the students who are there now though as they get all the grief of the building works and, most at least, are unlikely to still be there when the work is completed. So they don't get any of the benefit. That said, what a fantastic place it will be to leave for many future generations of students....

Boxed dogs!...

Here's another thing that tickled me today (well it is red nose day) This ad appeared in today's Courier in the classifieds under Books and Magazines: Dog Collection: Magazines and dogs (still boxed) £50.
I just hope that they've had the good sense to cut some breathe holes in those boxes!

Red noses....

Even an old cynic like me couldn't help help but chuckle to myself when I saw this outside the Humph Bean pub this morning. I'm pretty sure that the owner of the vehicle in the pic was inside, taking advantage of the all day cheap beer and, no doubt, developing a red nose of a different kind, but that's another story!...

West Kent Book Fair coming up....

I've just sent out a press release to all the local newspapers and radio stations that I can think of. There are probably more which I haven't thought of. If any one is interested it's on Sunday March 29th. In fact you may as well see the whole press release:

Hundreds of book collectors are set to descend on Tonbridge for the West Kent Book Fair which takes place on Sunday March 29th, 2009 in the magnificent urroundings of Old Big School hall, Tonbridge School. There will be around 25 booksellers coming from all over the South East and beyond to sell books as diverse as bargain paperbacks to rare out of print collectable books and modern first editions. There will also be postcards and ephemera on sale. As well as being a book collectors' paradise the event is very family friendly with a childrens area for childrens stories, the chance to meet local authors and refreshments available. Chris Rowley, author of "The Lost Powder Mills of Leigh" will be at the fair from around 10-30am to 12pm to sign copies of his book. Visitors will also be able to take part in a new literary boardgame, called Bookchase. The fair will be open from 10am to 4pm. Please contact the organiser Mark Richardson at MR. Books Bookshop for further details on 01732 363000 or look at the web site www.mrbooks.co.uk for further details and directions to the book fair. (ends)

Did I leave anything out?...

Silence is Golden....

The Perfoming Rights Society, the PRS for short, have sent me several letters regarding the playing of public performances. Hang on a minute I thought to myself on receipt of the second letter (the first went straight in the bin) I can't even play a note let alone do a performance! The PRS are in the news today: they're having a slightly bigger dispute with the mighty Google about the licence required to play music clips on YouTube. It seems that the society is getting a bit greedy: they're also in the middle of another dispute, this time with Kwik Fit over the rights of the Kwik Fit fitters to play their own vibes on their own radios at work. The issue seems to rest on whether more than one person, especially customers, but also work colleagues, can hear the music. The PRS are claiming that the car repair shop chain owes them over £200,000 in back dated fees. In the case of Mr. Books book shop I would be required to pay a licence fee of £73.60 a year for background music, such as a radio, and £136.70 to be able to "perform" music from cds and the like. Presumably that includes from an i-pod or mp3 player (Ididn't ask them) It seems that dear little Mr. Books would have to pay the same as other Tonbridge shops the size of say Halfords or WH Smiths. I sugested to them that should I wish to play music in my shop then surely it should be based on the estimated number of people to visit in a week or month. No they said, it's based the square footage of the shop, with a large minimum threshold, regardless or how many customers you get in a week. (So long, that is, there's more than just me listening.) They made me feel sorry for their artistes and asked me did I realise that 90% of their musicians only earn royalties of less than £5,000 ( a well used line I suspect) I learn today from an article in The Times online that I should feel less sorry for them since the highest paid director of the PRS was paid £425,000 last year! and they raked in over £600m in royalties by, mainly it seems, hastling with ever more agressive tactics, small businesses like mine. So I shall contunue to listen to the radio on my lap top computer (there's another grey area) but not radio one or two for me. Just as well I love listening to Radio 5 Live and occasionally Radio 4 and other talk stations isn't it. But hold up Radio 4 is now playing Jazz with Kenneth Clarke (isn't he meant to be bring the Labour Party down not drooling over the sounds of Charlie Parker et al?) But still there's always good old silence, that can be golden too....

Good intentions....

I wonder how the new green grocers, Bishops of Tonbridge, is doing; I must admit that I've only bought one banana from them when they first opened; and it was a very nice banana. This despite my good intentions of going there for my weekly fruit and veg shop. You know what they say: The road to hell is paved with good intentions! The trouble is you have to make a special effort, whereas you're sort of in Sainsbury's or Somerfield anyway. Lazy I know, but I wonder if other people, if they're honest, feel the same. I hope they do well and I'll continue to have good intentions to shop there....

Bag off Bartram!...

Drivers in Tonbridge have the increasing number of chasis-breaking pot holes to contend with; now pedestrians have John Bartram and his bags to put up with. Don't worry Mr. Bartram we'll all side step your granny trollies if it helps you sell a few more bags and stuff. We retailers know how hard times are at the moment. Mr. Bartram, owner of the shop Allsorts of Golliwog Dolls on Tonbridge High Street, was unavailable for comment....

Ladies who don't do lunch....

Saw this down St John's Road a few days ago. An image pops into my head of a kick-boxing karate-chopping agressive woman taking on a genteel Gucci hand bag carrying lady-who-does-lunch!

More on Pot Holes....

Just bought this week's Courier. Splash on front page reads: "Safety Fears as roads go to pot" I've been out-scooped by the local rag! How dare they! There's a first for everything and TBlog is only a one man band....

Pot Holes in Tonbridge roads....

Pot holes! I'll say that again: Pot holes. Has anyone noticed how many there are this year? In some areas the roads are looking more and more like farm tracks and those unadopted roads you find on some posh housing estates. I'm pretty sure I know what has caused them: an exceptionally cold winter causes water to get into cracks in the surface and then freeze; and we all know of course from out science lessons that ice expands and therefore has to expand somewhere, in this case forcing it's way out and therefore causing a great big pot hole. I'm sure someone out there will correct this rather elementary explanation but that's basically it. So do we all have to go out and buy a four wheel drive or is the council, in this case I believe its Kent County Council Highways Department I'm referring to, going to do something about it before one of us falls into one of them. Some say that I've been digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself for the last twenty years but that's a different matter!...

The Lost Powder Mills of Leigh....

Anyone ever been for a walk or a cycle ride along the path from Tonbridge park via Barden Lake and then over to Powder Mills? Did you know that, as you reach the end of the track and go onto the road near the Glaxo site, you are close to a bit of important military history? Some claim that without the gunpowder mills, which were on that site, we would not have won the Battle of Waterloo. So we could all now be eating loads of garlic and drinking wine, (ok we do do that) but we don't say ooh la la and have squatty toilets do we! Yes Powder Mills, or The Ramhurst Mill, as it was known in 1812 on it's opening is a great historic building. I say "building" but actually there's not much left of it after it was very efficiently demolished about 70 years ago. As many as a dozen workers died, I would imagine quite horribly, during its 140 years manufacturing some of the finest gunpowder on the planet. How do I know all about this? Because I went to a talk and film by the Leigh Historical Society, hosted by the Tonbridge Civic Society, last night. They have published a book, pictured, all about the mills, their social and economic importance to the area and about the conservation work they are helping to carry out, funded by a very substantial Heritage Lottery funding. Yes you can order copies of the book at Mr. Books, Bank Street for a mere £19.95, signed by the author, Chris Rowley, no less if you're quick. He tells me that the book cost around £60 per copy to produce, given the low print run, so grab one before the price goes up....

Tonbridge Has Talent revisited....

If you want to see highlights of the recent Tonbridge Has Talent, held at Tonbridge School with most of the senior schools in the district taking part click here. It really is worth watching, but be warned it is an hour and a half long, but then Britain's Got Talent goes on for about a year! The editors seems to have taken out the judges comments, which were in between the acts, so I'm afraid you won't be able to see me at my cutting best as I tore into those poor teenagers, like Simon Cowell with a bad hang over! Watch the video and judge for yourselves who you think the winners should have been; then you'll see for yourselves just how difficult a job I and the other judges had on the night. It was a fun evening and did prove that the young folk from the schools in and around Tonbridge had talent, and by the bucket load. So here's a challenge to anyone out there who thinks they could do as well or better than these guys: You've got just under a year to come up with something original and entertaining for next year's show, it was such a success so there's bound to be another one, so get practicing soon....

Tonbridge Statue would make a statement....

Whatever you think about the great big white horse, the so called Nag of the South, winning sculpture design, which is to be erected near the Ebsfleet Euro Rail station it's got to be worth considering something similar to mark the gateway to our fair town of Tonbridge. Any suggestions? I go to Dorking once in a while and have noticed the recent addition of a very large cockerel scupture in the middle of the roundabout as you enter the town. I don't know what the significance is to the town but you certainly notice it as you drive in. So how about it Tonbridge and Malling Borough Council! After all there are several examples on the roundabouts near the Kings Hill council offices are there not. There's no use leaving money languishing in an Icelandic bank account any more is there, or earning 0.3% interest in the Abbey National, spend some of it tastefully on a special project. Tonbridge urgently needs something, some statement to let visitors know that they're reached their destination, they've arrived, they need go no further. But what would it be. How about a very large Frank Woolley, with bat held aloft, ready to strike! Now that would be impressive. Or how about a miniature Tonbridge Castle, or simply a large cricket ball, maybe a printing press, or an old style river barge something to symbolise the town's history. Yep, I'm still favouring the Frank Woolley idea. Where would it be placed? Well there's that patch of grass, where the Star and Garter used to blot the landscape or at the other end of town there's the roundabout next to St. Stephens church; maybe both....

Around Tonbridge...

Around and about in Tonbridge. A few photos for you. Now what is that statue at Botany all about then?!..

Too much excitement...

Pancake day and the Tonbridge Civic society meeting to look forward to tonight. Too much excitement in one day surely! The talk at tonight's meeting is all about the history of Powder Mills at Leigh; if anyone is interested it starts at 7-30pm for coffee and biccies with the actual talk starting at 8pm. It 's always held at the Angel Centre upstairs in the Riverside Lounge. Which is a bit of an odd name for it since it's not really a lounge and it's not by the river, only a stream! Anyway I'd better go as I'm on the "Executive Committee" (Oh yes, sounds grand doesn't it) and I missed the last meeting and in fact the last committee meeting as well. Naughty, naughty, slapped wrist from the Hon. Sec. tonight!...

Bring the Tonbridge market back home....

I'm not kidding but at least two people poke their heads in my door virtually every Saturday to ask where the market is now. It happened again just a few minutes ago. "Excuse me..." said a polite oldish lady "There used to be a market here on a Saturday, when did that stop then?..." "Oh only about seven years ago!" is my usual reply. It just goes to show that this part of Tonbridge is still the area where folk expect a market to be. After all, apart from the last seven or eight years, there's been one here for at least a thousand years. Now that would seem to me to be a tradition worth upholding....

Record collectors don't miss out today....

There's a cd and vinyl records collectors' fair on at the Rose and Crown Hotel today for any one who likes that sort thing. Just thought I'd mention it. Not stunning news I know but there you go. I poked my nose in to have a quick gander and a chat with Mark the organiser, who used to own Bionic Records shop in Botany. I asked him what life was like without the millstone of running a shop around his neck and he replied "brilliant!" Umm, makes me think....

Good on you Mandy....

I can make a cup of coffee in my shop for as little as 3 pence I reckon. Not just a Somerfield's own brand one either. No, we're talking Carte Noir here! That's the cost of the spoonful of the finest instant granules, the slug of semi skimmed milk and the lecky to boil a small amount of water. So it's always baffled me when I see, otherwise sane people queuing up in the morning at Starbucks on Tonbridge High Street, to pay around £2.50 for their frothy lattes served in a cardboard cups "to go." Well after today's story about Howard Shultz (the boss of the global Starbuck's chain) slagging off the UK and it's economy I wish they would "go" go leave our country if they don't like it. It's not often that I would agree with Peter Mandelson but on this one his "tirade", reported in all the papers this morning, was well justified. Who the fuck, to use Mandy's language not usually mine, do they think they are? They are a sodding coffee shop and don't have any right to pass comment on the state of our economy and, even more annoyingly, on the psychie of the British people. The day we need to take advice from a coffee shop entrepreneur, who let's face it, opened way too many outlets in the first place, is the day we really need to start worrying. Good on you Mandelson I say....

Tonbridge and Hildenbough find new Courier community "volunteers"...

It seems that both Tonbridge and Hildenborough have at long last taken on new community columnists, as reported in an amazing exclusive in the Courier's (allegedly) Tonbridge edition this weekend. Good luck to them both and I would be interested to hear whether or not the Courier ended up back tracking and are actually going to pay them; or are the executives at the billion pound turnover Associated Newspapers Group insisting on being tight fisted and making these community reporters roles "voluntary." I should have thought that voluntary is for charities and worthy organisations and not to help a rich newspaper conglomorate sell newspapers. But that's just me!...
As a post script to that: when are the Courier going to stop referring to "our town" in their leader columns when speaking about Tunbridge Wells? Doesn't the editor have the sense to know that this is a sensitive topic for those people born and bred in Tonbridge, from whence the Courier newspaper evolved. It has become now a standing joke in Tonbridge, has it not, that the paper is now basically a Tunbridge Wells newspaper which occasionally, and somewhat relunctantly, remembers its roots....

Ten romantic things to do in Tonbridge....

(1) Go for a nice long walk through the Sportsground park hand in hand. (Unless it's flooded)
(2) Go white water rafting with your loved one on the Medway near the town lock
(3) Take your sweet heart for an intimate meal at Mama Mia's or another similarly nice restaurant. (Book well in advance)
(4) Don't go for a ruby murray as they're not very romantic!
(5) Stay at home and cook your valentine a special meal
(6) Drink pink champagne together
(7) Send the kids to the pictures with some money for the slot machines and some pop corn
(8) Walk along the river together beyond Canon Lane bridge; just you, your beloved and a few dog walkers for company
(9) er that's it
Any other suggestions?...

Tonbridge Reunited....

Let's hear from some of you Tonbridge expats. In the past TonbridgeBlog has had stories and comments from all over the world. Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the USA, Singapore, Japan, Germany, even Scotland. It seems that you can take the people out of Tonbridge, but you cannot take Tonbridge out of the people! You can send your stories in of your time in Tonbridge by posting a comment below; it can be anything at all from a simple childhood memory about the area to maybe trying to get in touch with an old flame. Now there's a thought; separate website idea coming on: Tonbridgereunited.com!...

Are we all in for a soaking?...

Gulp! Without wishing to spread alarm around Tonbridge but isn't that river level getting a tad too high? This was the view from the big bridge down river this morning; the other side of the bridge, beneath the castle looked like you could go white water rafting on it. The rowing boat quay-side, under the bridge, was submerged right up to the tops of the mooring posts. Was the bloke operating the Leigh flood barrier asleep on the job last night? Is the swimming pool defense system, build after the million pound mess up a few years back, about to be tested. Will the Sportsground park be turned into a surf boarding lake? Will we ever see the flooding of the lower high street like in 1968? I'm pretty sure that Mr. Books Bookshop in Bank Street is safe what with being on the high ground to the North of the Castle. Those Normans knew what they were doing you know, they built the Castle and the old town where it was never likely to flood. All the 21th Century technology in the world cannot stop nature forever, it's just a matter of time people of South Tonbridge! Next time you are looking for a house in this town just take a more careful look at the street names around the North of the town. It's not called Dry Hill Park Road for nothing you know. Its on a hill and it's dry up there!...

TJ's groundsman works around the clock....

That groundman at the Tonbridge Juddians has got a bit of work to do again if he wants to get the pitch ready for Saturday. Better get out there with your garden fork mate!...

A boy with a new toy!...

Yesterday I finally succumbed to the temptation of something that has been bugging me for over a year. I started off as a complete cynic, went to the what's all the fuss about stage, then to the maybe they'd be useful if I was lost stage and finally, after much shopping around and gathering research and information, to the oh sod it I'll have one point, which was yesterday. Now I know the truth beyond any doubt: Satellite Navigation GPS devices are fabulous inventions. After making my purchase at Halfords, I took my Tom Tom XL for a test drive yesterday across the length and breadth of Tonbridge, shortly after being baffled by the instruction leaflet. I tried to fool "Jane" (that's the voice I've selected on the machine) by turning alternative directions to the instructions she was giving me. But Jane was not to be messed with. Everytime I attempted to deceive her she calmly and politely simply issued me with new instructions in order for me to complete my journey home. Jane will accompany me on many a journey from now on and save me the bother of having to crane my neck to see the map and risk life and limb to get to an appointment on time with hastily scribbled down directions balancing on my knee. She doesn't know it yet, but my new cyber friend, Jane, will also save many a bad tempered argument towards the end of a long journey on holidays, finding camp sites in the middle of the Cornish countryside. No more maps thrown at me on country lanes just a calm "At the next junction in 60 yards turn sharp right and then left. I'm easily pleased and like a boy with a new toy....

Tonbridge talent continued....

I dream in emails, worn out phrases
Mile after mile of just empty pages....

Not my words but those of Keane, those other talented boys from Tonbridge, from the title track of their new album "Perfect Symmetry." Maybe there's something in the water around here, we seem to be surrounded by such talent....

Tonbridge Has Talent!...

It's true you know. If last night's performances at Tonbridge School's Big School Hall was anything to go by, they have lots of it. Most of the senior schools from Tonbridge and Tonbridge Wells has gathered together for a almighty showing of talent. Talents ranging from magic, to stand up comedy, singing, dancing, mime, ventriloqy (if that's a word) drumming, guitaring, even spinning glowing balls and a diabloist; you name it it was there. Probably the most amusing performance of the evening, for me, was Emily Ffrench's 'Speaking French' accompanied by Ben Fergusson on Piano. Well what else could she do with a name like that?! It could have been bad, but Emily, from Tonbridge Girls Grammar, held it together so well that she would have graced any rag week souirie. Other notable performances were the madness of Tom Wheatley's iMime, the psycopathic drumming of Holly Mallet with the weirdly named act Sir Synthalot, especially weird cos I didn't notice any synths; Hamish Balinghall, performing 'Memories', an accoustic guitar solo, which he's written himself was easily the most accomplished performance, and he got a special mention later on (but no prize.) The boy will definitely go far, John Williams, make room cos a new protege is coming. I had been asked to be on the judging panel, which was a first for me which I really enjoyed. The spot light was, quite literally, on me when I was giving my opinion of the acts so I tried to be as honest and amusing as I could while keeping it mostly upbeat (well they are only teenagers afterall.) Some of the judges were being very technical and rather Simon Cowell-like in a few cases, but I think on the whole we were all pretty fair. Judging panels always bleet on about how difficult it was to come to a decision, and you just think "Oh come off it you're just being kind to the losers." But do you know what, it is really hard to reach an agreement, as I discovered last night, because each judge has their own opinion. We were scoring the acts as they went along, but those scores, rather bizzarely in my opinion, went out of the window in the final analysis. We did however reach a decision, as organiser Mike Morris, indicated that we had about two minutes to do so. So the winner was a brilliant young magician, from Judd School, called Edward Hilsum. He kept producing those hankies and then white doves, which he placed in a cage on their perches; thenn for his finale, amazingly, and not even in a puff of smoke, he made those birds disappear before our very eyes! He needs to polish his act a little, but he's young yet and he's going places. Second was Amy Squirrel, from Weald of Kent School, a folky singer/guitarist in the Alanis Morrisett type-vein. Really brilliant and my kinda music. And third was a cheeky young stand-up commedian called Tom Edkins who managed to make his curiously chosen subject of liquorish funny, now that in itself deserves a prize. Some of his jokes were a bit colourful for a mixed-age audience, and, for me, he could lose the swearing but he clearly had the audience with him and laughing and that takes a lot of bottle when you're standing up there on your own. I enjoyed the the whole evening and there are many acts I haven't metioned here who were fantastic. I'll leave you with the comment I made when judging the ventriloquist act, which kind of summed up the whole evening, and it's the nearest I ever get to being funny: I thought they were all gloody grilliant!...

Will John Bartram stick to his guns in Gollywog debate?...

In the light of the Carol Thatcher Gollywog tennis player debate, which seems to have had far too much TV and radio air time, I wonder whether John Bartram feels the TV presenter (and daughter of Satan) has been unfairly treated by the BBC. You may remember that Bartram, owner of Tonbridge High Street shop, Allsorts, raised a similar debate on a local level when he sold the Golly Dolls and refused to take them out of his shop window after a young lady of colour had complained about them saying that she found them offensive. He preferred instead to pose for the Courier grinning in a close up photo with the un-pc doll of colour and thence to milk the situation for all the publicity he could get....

Great job on the roads but what about the pavements?...

I have to say that whoever has been responsible for keeping the roads of Tonbridge free from ice and snow (so probably Kent County Council Highways, or possibly Tonbridge and Malling Borough Council, or, knowing them, both of them) has done a pretty good job, given the severity of the conditions. If only I could say the same for the treacherous pavements! After a very scarey drive home from the Farnham Book Fair on Sunday evening, when the M25 from the Gatwick junction onwards was like an episode of Strictly Come Ice Dancing with cars, I decided to play safe and walk to work instead of the usual shortish drive across town. For at least half my journey I ended up, as did most other people on foot, walking on the roads. They were completely clear, the pavements a virtual ice rink. Something wrong here I think. Maybe if the council made it easier for people to walk, instead of clearly prioritising the roads, then more people would take to the pavements instead of saying sod it! as I did this morning when I returned to the safer option of my car....

No Poetry at the Pub this week....

For all regulars of Poetry at the Pub, usually held on the first Thursday of the month at the Ivy House, there isn't one this Thursday. In fact there won't be one now probably until the Ivy House reopens. That, to paraphrase the famous explorer, Captain Oates, could be some time. The last time I looked in the window (about a week ago) there was no furniture in there and the plaster from the ceilings was half hanging off. Now I don't mind a seedy run down pub, but that would be taking it a bit far. Watch this space or Mr Books web site for updates....

The Tonbridge Ice Festival....

Well not quite, but what a great day in snowy Tonbridge yesterday. Hardly any cars on the road, took the kids out of school, which turned out to be a very sensible decision since most of them closed by 1 o'clock anyway, went sledging down Quarry Hill, no not the road like in the pic, the bit near the Cottage Hospital. Fantastic fun, nice gentle slope, getting steadily faster as you build up momentum towards the bottom. There were lots of families there enjoying their totally unexpected day off. Some were kitted out as if at Kitzbuhel on a skiing holiday with the very latest in sledge designs; others made do with jeans and fleeces and home made sleds or plastic tea trays. My kids' two plastic tobbagans, bought for a quid each on a car boot sale a few years back, were christened Blizzard and Polo Xtreme and they went down that hill like a dream. When I had several goes and each time forgot to apply the brakes (my feet in the snow) I ended up having to untangle myself from the brambles by the hedge near the stile. Ouch! but great fun....

Still twiitering on....

I'm getting to know more about twitter and have discovered that you can search key words like "Tonbridge" for example. This will come up with anyone from or twittering about our fair town. Some of it is pretty mundane, like trains are running late, or pointing out the bleedin obvious like: it's snowing! But others can make for interesting reading. On twitter you can only use up to 140 characters for each update, which really does concentrate the mind....

Twittering...

Don't let this put you off TonbridgeBlog, but has anyone tried Twitter.com I still haven't quite got my head around the point of twittering but the site has gained a massive following. Stephen Fry, for example has around 90,000 twitter "followers" Mind you he is interesting and gets around the world a bit these days. My own twitter has one follower so far and I'm not sure how you get any more or how they hear about you. Certainly worth a look though....

Dumbed down Courier...

What a dumb article in the Courier today asking people in the street what reasons they have to be cheerful with the recession and all. Just because they are closing offices and making reporters and freelancers redundant doesn't mean that everyone's feeling depressed. For God's sake! Why, does life suddenly come to a dramatic halt just because a few banks have been careless with our money? Do babies stop being born? Do people stop having amusing conversations and comedians stop being funny? Do we stop having nice food? Or enjoying a glass of wine? Does Easter not come this year and birthday parties stop being fun? Does the sun stop shining on the white frosty fields? Does Radiohead's music suddenly become really depressing (OK bad example!) We're all still alive and kicking for Christ's sake. We'll come out the other side of this recession the better for it, you mark my words; leaner fitter, stronger. So sod off Courier and find some real news to report. (It's all gone down hill of course since I stopped writing for them!)...

TonbridgeBlog original site now closed....

The original Tonbridge blog has now been stopped. But don't get the violins out yet as this new improved TonbridgeBlog seems to work just fine and, if anything, is getting more comments than the old one. Maybe people trust Google more or something, who knows. So at the moment this is the address for TonbridgeBlog: http://tonbridgeblog.blogspot.com so spread the word. Within the next few days and with a bit of luck I should be able to point www.tonbridgeblog.com to this site but if not then we'll just carry on here....

Bone kickers in Tonbridge?...

There seems to be a team of archaeologists digging around the foundations of the old council offices reception, which has been recently demolished; presumably no one has been able to dig there for well over a hundred years so they could make some interesting discoveries. Two questions. Have they found anything yet? Secondly: why does the council need to spend our money on a new reception area when the old one was just fine? TonbridgeBlog will try to keep you updated....

Tonbridge Juddians Groundsman resigns in floods of tears....

The groundsman at the Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club was today sacked in a scandal over lies he told the club Chairman that the pitch would be ready in time for Saturday's game. He was seen out early with his garden fork prodding holes the length of the first team pitch but, unfortunately had to give up as the water began lapping over the top of his waders. I did my best he told the passing dog walkers, but I only got my ten meters swimming badge at school, I shouldn't have applied for the job knowing that the pitches were on a flood plain. Olympic gold medalist Rebbecca Adlington has been hastily approached as a temporary replacement!...

Tips for the recession Part One....

The RECESSION is here so come to terms with it!

Stop worrying you may yet keep your job and even if you don't you'll still be alive.

Stop saying cliches like CREDIT CRUNCH and GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS; they're all made up euphemisms for Governments to avoid saying that they've really messed up.

Spend your way out of the recession? If you've got any money, which most of us have, so stop holding it back for a rainy day and take advantage of the panicking retailers who have to meet their year on year performance target or face a dressing down by their major shareholder committees.

Read your way out of recession? Well I had to get that one in didn't I, being a bookseller and all! But it is true, you can buy a paperback by a favourite or even new author and spend the next three or four nights in, saving electricity (no telly) and saving money by not going out and saving even more money on food if the book is so gripping that you simply cannot put it down.

Start a new cheap hobby like amateur dramatics, or metal detecting or something.

Buy Tonbridge Civic Society's publication "14 Walks" for a mere £2.50 and do all of them this Spring. You'll be amazed at how wonderful the countryside is around about.

Don't join a gym to get fit, you'll only be wasting your money and fooling yourself. It's the doing of exercise that gets you fit, not the taking out membership. So go running, cycle to school or work, walk to the shops, go swimming in the fitness lane, do press ups at home, join a football or athletics club. Hell you could even make love love more (but remember to take precautions folks!)

Buy your beer from the supermarket cos whatever claims the likes of Sainsbury's make about responsibly selling alcohol, they have to sell it dirt cheap cos they're so scared in case Tescos and Asda nick 1% or their market share.

Start a sideline business such as buying and selling antique toys, it'll not only make you money but it may save you money as well since you won't have any free time anymore. You might even enjoy it and go for a complete career change.

Don't go to watch football, unless you've already bought a season ticket; it'll cost you a small fortune, make you unfit and turn you into a narrow minded yobbo in all probability. Go to watch the Tonbridge Juddians instead down the park. It's free, you can stand right on the pitch and watch some outstanding rugby and the beer's cheap in the club house after the game.

And lastly (for now) I once had a Scottish friend during my days working in Canary Wharf, and this was when the economy was bouyant, who (obviously) never bought a round of drinks and used to go from bar to pub to bar, ordering a soda water with ice in each one. I kid you not. It didn't cost him a penny; tight you may think but not a bad tip now if you must keep going out in these straightened times....

Hands off me buns....

The Old Lady Market, sometimes known as the Tonbridge Country Market is back on after, I must say, rather a lengthy Christmas break. Even the House of Commons went back a week sooner! It was today, from 8-30 to 11am and they do some terrific home baked cakes (by old ladies who know what they're doing in the kitchen) quiches, chutnies, jams, flap jacks, home grown fruit and veg, ham and meat from a proper local butchers, bread fom Rusbridges of Southborough (a proper family baker) and much more. Never mind if you missed it, the sprightly Old Ladies will be back next Friday and every one thereafter until Easter at least. But get there early if you want the Victoria sponge cake. Come to think of it don't go at all, then there'll be more choice left for me!...

A gentleman should always have four umbrellas....

I'm quite a fussy bugger when it comes to clothing (I know you wouldn't believe it to look at me!) and I've recently lost an umbrella, which I suppose isn't strictly speaking clothing at all, but I'm going to include it as such. Now you need a good umbrella in a town as wet as Tonbridge seems to be on occasion, one you can rely upon in a down pour. I've been all over the place trying to find the right one; you see I've owned quite a few in the past. Some have blown inside out with the first strong gust of wind and been thrown straight in the bin. "You buy cheap you buy twice!.." as me brother always used to say! Others, like my trusty fold up Fulton with crook handle, lasted somewhat longer and withstood some real down pours on my way to and from the railway station, in the days when I worked in London. I've had golf umbrellas, gentleman's black town umbrellas, full length, short ones, even children's ones have been used when I couldn't find mine. Most have gradually, slowly but surely, been weakened, lost a thread here, snapped a hinge there, until eventually and inevitably they've fallen apart and ended up ruthlessly disgarded in the nearest bin. I've got it into my head that I want an umbrella which will last me the rest of my days and be passed on to future generations of Mr. Books! So over the last month or so, I've been patiently perusing the umbrella racks in Beales where they are pretty much all Fulton. The "Windbreaker" ought to be a good bet with a name like that, and at £15 seems quite reasonably priced, but I'm not sure that I can trust another folding one to last me a lifetime. They are bound to have more weak spots than a full length one if you think about it. I found a sturdy looking one in Cotswold Outdoor shop by Jack Wolfskin, the mountaineering and walking clothing specialist, in Tunbridge Wells the other day, priced £20, it has flaps to allow the wind to get through to prevent it from turning inside out in strong winds; but it looks very plastic and cheap and is probably not much stronger than any number of golfing umbrellas on the market. Also it has a straight handle and I prefer the crook handled variety (I did say that I was a fussy bugger didn't I!) I've even gone to the trouble of finding out the umbrella used by that mad bloke on the Coast and Brittannica TV programmes: if you aren't familiar with Nick Crane his trade mark seems to have inadvertantly become his trusty Bark Ash walking stick umbrella, which I now know came from that amazing establishment in New Oxford Street, London called James Smith and Sons. Now they, I discover, have been making gentleman's umbrellas since about 1850. And they do actually still make them in the basement of their premises, below the shop! I reckon they must make a bloomin fine brolly to have lasted all that time. There's a great article on a web site called Bown's Bespoke, I just stumbled across during the course of this hunt for the perfect rain protector, which extolls the virtues of a good umbrella and indeed goes on to say that a gentleman should own four umbrellas. He goes on "...But a black umbrella with brown shoes… banish such a sartorial solecism!.." I'll leave you to find out the rest of his reasoning on that one. Anyway with all this wet weather in good old Tonbridge I can waste no more time; I must visit James Smith and buy that Ash walking stick brolly so I too can wander around long lost highways and byways with my crook handle poking elegantly out of the top of my rucksack, ever prepared for that sudden soaking. The only snag is that it'll knock me back around 150 squid! Now let me think about that one....

Bookworms of Tonbridge unite....

John Adams bookshop is closing very soon. That's now official. That's a sign of the times alright. High rents, Amazon, an expanded WH. Smiths and an absent owner will all have played their part in the loss making business. (By the way John Adams himself hasn't actually owned the shop for at least seven years if you were wondering, he sold out just at the right time.) So then my humble little shop in Bank Street is to become Tonbridge's only independent bookshop. I didn't particularly plan it that way when I opened for business nearly four years ago but I have to confess it will probably help me along somewhat, especially on the new book sales, which have been growing quite a bit over the last year anyway. So come on people of Tonbridge, Amazon and WH. Smiths are rich enough already, come and order your new books with MR. BOOKS (what do you mean it's cheaper on Amazon and anyway you don't really care if Mr. Books closes and we have a High Street full of pound shops and charity shops. Suit yourselves!)

I spy a bargain!...

I haven't read the London Evening Standard for a bit. When I last bought a copy I'm sure it was only about 35 or 40p. Now I hear that it's gone up to a pound! (What's that you say?) That was for ownership of the newspaper group itself? Get away with you! It turns out to be true though, as you'll know if you've been following the story. And it gets even weirder when you hear that the new owner of the once great paper is an ex-KGB Russian agent, now Oligarch (whatever that is!) I reckon it must mean he has enough dough to splash out on a paper which is currently making estimated £100 million a year losses just so he can be photographed with the rich and famous. So come on Comrade Lebedev, it may not have quite the history of the ES but it's not losing any money and it's readership is on the up, not in terminal decline; so how about a cool million squid for TonbridgeBlog?...

In the mind of a tonbridge teenager....

There's a great piece of software called Pivot which allows you to create simple stick insect type animations. My son told me about it and begged me to put a link on TBlog to his creations, which he's posted on YouTube. (He wants to get his viewing ratings up) I'm quite impressed with his work actually; they demonstrate some of the dark forces at play in the teenage mind if nothing else! If only he'd put that much effort into his homework!.... Link 1: Sylar and link 2: Matrix