Friday, November 16, 2012

Red Bull wings clipped in Tonbridge.....

In response to popular demnd Mr. Booooks today announced tutal cannng of the uses of all "so-called" energy enhancing caffynne style druggy halucinagenic drinks in canns. (and maybe bottles that hasn't been decided yet.) Apporantlyly they mak u unuseable to concentrote throat n fuckus on certin tusks an should be stopped before a school child actually manages to stay awake thru an hole history lesson! From now until the beginning of time back dated, anyone discoveredly to be drinking or has drunk on or benear the shop will have the contents confiskate parked and stomachs will be pumped up. Skirt lengths will also be taken into consideration if rolled up too the ankles and/or shoes. The abuse of flavorred so-called "milk drinks" are also being poured over in time for New Year hogday celebrations.

Asked to comment on the situation Mr. Books commented on the situation by saying: "Actually I blame that Mark Webber racing Aussie fella. Why does he want wings anyway when he drives cars? and Vettel, they're all having it....and another thing history lessons are bunk aren't they and have you sin the price on kindles? they're available on the cell i mobile smart box you know...."

I should be sticking with me herbal tea from now on! Trouble is these drinks are almost addictive. Mine's a red bull n coke....

9 comments:

sebfox said...

I can only come to the conclusion that you sit in your shop all day drinking Red Bull, or one of the other caffeine laden, tooth rotting concoctions on the market today. Either that, or you're smoking something you shouldn't be....
As for kindles; I was up for buying one of those untill I saw on Watchdog that they only have a shelf life of about a year..due to static charge buggering up the screens or something, so I decided against it. You get a years warranty on a new Kindle, but if you claim on that, they replace it within the year, but they only give you 3 months warranty second time around...In other words, they're saying that Kindles have very very short life spans. I've decided to stick to real books..It's probably cheaper in the long run.

sebfox said...

ps
Keep drinking the Red Bull. It improves your spelling.

Paul Bailey said...

Yes, I too am wondering what MR Books has been up to lately in that shop of his. A short while ago it was a post about Singing Leopards; now it's Red Coloured Bulls that can fly! Whatever next? I know, a tenuous link to yet another story about Dame Kelly Holmes!

sebfox said...

God save us from yet more stories about the holy saint Kelly Holmes. Even though She has blessed our lives by being born within five miles of us,and indeed, being perfection in all she does. Please| Oh god please don't mention Kelly Holmes...

sebfox said...

She's a very athletic black lesbian who has an extremely tenuous link to the town of Tonbridge.She used to be anyway, now she means nothing.

sebfox said...

ps..
Sue me

Tonbridge blogger said...

Oh come on you can't have a dig at Kelly Holmes. Seems to me she's done the town nothing but good. So what if the local papers occasionally get carried away with the hero worship thing. She has a very stong local connection having been born and brought up in Hildenborough; attended school at Hugh Christie; regularly opens local events; has started a charity to raise funds for talented sports kids from underpriveledged backgrounds; she is in fact a real rags to riches success story. I'm pretty sure that she could have just bought a dog and taken it for long walks for the rest of her life and counted the interest in her savings account. On top of that, if you ever listen to her on chat shows and talk radio shows she is, despite her considerable success in the sporting world, incredibly modest and self effacing. Perhaps even a little shy in the face of all the publicity which has been, largely, thrust upon her. And frankly, to address the rather irrellevant comment about her sexual orientaton, that, if indeed it's true doesn't enter into the equation so far as most people with an ounce of intelligenceare concerned. So what's not to like about her.

Paul Bailey said...

I don't think we're talking about the local papers getting carried away with hero worship, but rather someone closer to home instead!

Outraged said...

I didn't comment on this one.