Tonbridge to Tunbridge Wells by leg power....

There's an entertaining article in the Courier today on pages 22-23 showing the results of five reporters on a pretend journey to work from the centre of Tonbridge to the clock tower in Tunbridge Wells town centre. I love this kind of reporting because it's interesting and useful but also has a crazy pointlessness to it which appeals to my mad sense of humour. Actually I think they probably adapted the idea from a Top Gear episode I saw a while back but lets not worry about that. Each of the five Courier reporters were designated a different mode of transport to travel the same journey. Train, running, bike, car and bus where the ones they plumped for. Now, on the face of it you'd think that the car would win hands down, but the results were perhaps quite surprising for some. Not really for me though since, being he idiotic guy I am, I've already tried most of these modes of transport to Tunbridge Wells. I once walked it just to see how long it would take so knew that it would take only about a hour and a half to get there that way even at a strolling pace. As a runner I know that a ten minute mile is a fairly comfortable pace so that would mean about half an hour to the destination. The time of day therefore was crucial since you can drive the distance, with a clear run, in around 12 minutes. Even allowing for getting parked you'd be there first no trouble. But that's with a clear run. Not much chance of that at 8-30 on a weekday morning! Then there's the cost of parking for the day to consider. The bus, I should have thought, whould have been a contender though although, it seems, reporter Shams can't read a timetable which cost her valuable minutes. The train, as anyone local knows, is a daft way to get to that end of Tunbridge Wells because you have to hike it for ten minutes at each end of the journey and wait around on the platform. So I'd have put my money on the bike getting there first since, unless Mo Farrah was doing that leg, it usually beats a runner. So it proved to be the case but only by 4 minutes ahead of the runner.
And there you have it, proof positive that you can get to Tunbridge Wells from Tonbridge quicker by bike or Shank's Pony, keep fit and save all that petrol/train or bus fare into the bargain! Hang on what about a motor scooter? (that's enough of that, Ed.)

Tonbridge Poetry continued....

Sitting eating pizza
Or some pasta dishes
By the river
Teaming with fishes
Or strolling in the park...
That's funny, cos my name is Mark!
We'll have a whale of a time
Juggling words about Tonbridge things
Till, by and by, they come to rhyme....

Come on enter your own efforts via the Tonbridge Arts Fest web site. Only spend a little more time on them than I did!...

Tonbridge Poetry at the Arts Festival...

...and on the subject of poetry there is still time to enter the Tonbridge Arts Festival Poetry Competition. The results of which will be announced (and hopefully performed) at an evening of poetry at the Rose and Crown as part of the festival on Wednesday 20th June. You can enter online via the festival website. The poems have to have something to do with Tonbridge, however tenuous. A bit like this blog really! They don't even have to rhyme....

Oh Tonbridge,
That Wonderful Town
Where I like to walk up and down
The High Street
Where it's really neat.
And walking hurts my feet.
Where the river overflows
and sometimes you can see a rainbow
Maybe a pot of gold
Or so I'm told etc. etc.

(Nothing like this one hopefully!

Squeezed middle....

If you' feeling George Osborne's pinch at the moment here's a few words of comfort for you which recently came to Tonbridge Blog's attention:

Tax his land, tax his bed,
Tax the table at which he's fed.
Tax his work, tax his pay,
He works for peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his car, tax his gas,
Find other ways to tax his ass.
Tax all he has then let him know,
That you won't be done until he has no dough.
When he whines then tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the earth in which he's laid.
When he's gone, do not relax,
It's time to apply the inheritance tax.


Now do you feel better?!..

The Stone is Definitely WET....

There's a lovely piece in the current issue of Private Eye magazine about the Government suing the Water companies for causing the current wet conditions by imposing the hosepipe ban! Although this is obviously a spoof article there does seem to be some truth in it. As Tonbridge, like other areas of the country, becomes at risk of flooding once again and we all walk around like wind swept drowned rats it's certainly not a comforting thought that we can't go home and water the lawn with the hosepipe even though there's no need to any more! I'm sure that Alanis Morrisette could have written a line in her famous song Ironic. Something like: It's a hosepipe ban when you're already drowned! That's how it feels; almost as though the wet weather has been deliberately caused. Of course we all know that this unseasonal autumnal spell will pass and spring will return. Don't we? Please make it so!...

Tonbridge Civic Society Design Awards Evening....

I went along to the Tonbridge Civic Society Design Awards last night at Somerhill House. After a very nice simple meal of chicken and veg followed by a lovely lemon tart, washed down with several very agreeable glasses of white wine, the suspense of knowing the winning design project wasn't that great. We'd all been told about it a couple of weeks ago in the society's news letter.  That said I was very pleasantly surprised by the vision, enthusiasm and planning that the Fernadez family had gone to in order to achieve their dream of developing their home, Monks Cottage. That's that quirky little house on the corner of the Ridgeway and Hadlow Road which I'd always thought was an old school house or something like that. I say little because I'd always thought of it as such when queuing up there usually to turn right onto the main road , but actually it's now about twice the size it was and quite a sizeable place.
Chairman Peter Charlton introduced the evening and welcomed us all, setting the scene. John Smalman-Smith, the new President of the Society, gave us a typically witty and eloquent short speech before presenting the winners with their certificates and plaques. Improvements to Charlton Terrace, that lovely row of houses running alongside Mill Cresent, got a special mention, while the topiary Yew tree elephant head/peacock sculpture, for want of a better description, in a garden on Hadlow Road, got an even bigger one. There's a work of art which must have caused some near misses over the years as passing drivers strain their necks to make sure they're not hallucinating!
The owner of Monks Cottage was then invited onto the stage to tell us all about his dream project. It seems that the couple fell in love with the place as soon as they laid eyes on it. I've always thought of it as a bit too strange looking for my conventional tastes but the Fernandezes clearly saw a lovely, unusual family home for the next ten of fifteen years. Quite simply, they have transformed the house into a beautiful and special home. Despite being about twice its original size they have managed make it appear very unimposing to the passer by. Great attention to detail was paid to not only the type and colour of the bricks but also the pattern that they were laid in so as to mock the original style within the constraints of modern building regulations. Mr. Fernandez treated us to slide show and talk which provided us with a lovely snapshot of the fulfillment of their dream home, the culmination of a seven year project. It dawned on me that, during the q and a session, nobody had mentioned anything about the cost of it all and probably quite rightly so on such an occasion, but I'd wager that every pound spent was effectively a pound invested because the final result looks so stunning and, crucially, sympathetic to the original features. So far from being a predictable awards ceremony it turned out to be a thoroughly enjoyable one. Maybe in other years when there might be more and larger scale buildings to chose from Monks Cottage wouldn't have got a look in. That would have been a shame because, in many ways, this development encapsulates why the Civic Society has been in existence for nearly fifty years. It is a nice social club. It also hosts some great speakers at the monthly Angel Centre talks. But above all else the TCS tries to ensure that building projects in the town are thoughtful, well planned and sympathetic to their surroundings. Just like Monks Cottage....

Tonbridge Olives....

I see that Antonia's restaurant is changing its name to The Olive Room. I'm not sure of the inside story there. I know that it was originally named after the owners wife and not Portugeese Antonio, the ex head chef, which was just a coincidence. He's moved on to the Portugeese restaurant in Hadlow incidentally. The new name for the restaurant sounds okay I suppose although, just one question, won't the menu be just a little limited, you know, what with only olives on it? Although, thinking about it, there are black ones, green ones, stuffed ones, spicey chilli ones, garlic ones. In fact hundreds of varieties of olives. There are probably thousands of recipes for olive based dishes. Then there are olive pizzas, pasta meals and salads. There's a magazine called Olive Magazine and even a shop in Tonbridge already called Olive's on the corner of Hectorage and Goldsmid Road although, curiously, they don't sell any olives. Oh hang on, that's her name Olive the lady who runs it!...

Arts Festival June 15 to 24th....

I went to the Tonbridge Arts Festival Committee meeting last week and, let me tell you, as we reach the final stages of planning the ten day event, I realise that you're all in for a right treat. Tickets are now being sold at the Angel Centre box office either in person or by phone on 01732 359966. Events include Comedy with Arthur Smith and friends, The Word, which is a sort of mini Hay on Wye day on the Castle Lawn, art and photography exhibitions, band nights, theatre, opera, flash dances and singing, school events and loads more. You really will be crazy to not get involved. Check out the festival web site for more....

Mary Portas Tonbridge Town Team bids....

Does anyone have any idea what's going on with the Tonbridge Town Team's Mary Portas bid? I did hear a rumour that we'd won the bid for the £100,000 that was up for grabs but I think someone had just got their wires crossed. The announcements will be very soon I reckon. So what chance do we have? Might not be as slim as some have suggested. Other towns in the North East for example will need way more funding than this amount so towns such as our own may well fit the bill. I've been asked if I'd consider joining the team if the bid is successful to help put their ideas into practice and, you know what, I may just do that. I've got a few suggestions of my own which might be taken up so let's hear yours. Sensible ones only please and remember £100k might sound a lot to you and I but, in strategic town planning terms, it's peanuts. I seem to remember the Town centre plan, commissioned by TMBC some years ago (before the credit crunch I might add) cost about that sum of money....

No more Anonymouses please....

There've been fewer comments of late probably due to the new design, lack of postings on T Blog's part and, moreover, my having adapted the comments admin. settings so that there can be no more anonymous comments. That said you can still comment anonymously by setting up a "handle" or account name which no one need know is you. It's really rather simple and means that there'll be no more posts with masses of comments whose identity is simply "anonymous." Hope that's all clear and fair. If you don't like it you can always comment below using your newly inspired comment id. But not anonymously,

Thanks again
Anon.

Tonbridge Lidl shoppers beware: Big Brother is watching your car....

I hear that the carpark at the back of Lidl on Quarry Hill Parade has been catching out a few shoppers of late. Be warned shoppers of that low budget supermarket. It may look to be free parking but, read the small print, you only have an hour and a half. Ten minutes over and the Big Brother-style cameras will snap you and there'll be no getting out of a minimum £45 fine which increases to £90 if you don't pay up on time. So next time you're at Lidl and get carried away buying all those German sounding chocolates and 24 packs of brands of lager no one's heard of keep an eye on your watch. Better still there's always Sainsbury's or Waitrose where you may have to pay to park but you do get a refund at the check out. It seems that the council and the owners of these car parks are doing their level best to drive trade away from Tonbridge sometimes....

Another new look Tonbridge Blog!...

It's alright everyone. Tonbridge blog is just having a bit of an identity crisis which accounts for the second  new layout in a fortnight. Just tinkering around with it a little until everyone is happy. Actually we all know that that will never happen. So long as most readers are happy then that's the best one can hope for! In the meantime Happy Easter. Comments welcome....

Bradshaw's Tunbridge....

You've no doubt all heard Michael Portillo go on about the railways in Victorian times and what George Bradshaw's handy little book had to say about all the many stops on his journey. So what does the guide have to say about our dear old Tonbridge? Well don't get too excited as our town is, more or less, described as a stop off before the far more salubrious town of Tunbridge Wells a few miles down the track. Here's what he said:

Tunbridge (spelt with a U in 1866 of course)
Population, 5,919
A telegraph station
Market Day- Alternate Tuesdays
Fair- October 11th

Situated on the Tun and four branches of the Medway, all crossed by bridges. It is noted for its excellent Grammar School with sixteen exhibitions. The castle, of which a fine noble gateway flanked by round towers still remains, was built by Richard Fitz Gilbert, Earl of Clare and Hertford, who likewise founded a priory here for Augustine Canons, the refectory of which may still be seen. Open on Saturdays from 10 till 4, by permission of the proprietor. This, besides being the branch station for passengers to Tunbridge Wells, has a convenient refreshment room appended.

Streetwise mag update....

Just read the latest copy of Streetwise from cover to cover and it's now in the bin....

Latest Streetwise magazine...

Anyone seen the latest copy of Streetwise the free magazine? I just received my copy through my letterbox...