Tonbridge Half Marathon: A public declaration....

Tonbridge Blog has been looking for an excuse to get really fit again for quite some time. You see back in the day I used to be as fit as a butcher's dog. Played rugby, was a county standard hurdler at schoolboy level and wasn't a bad 400 metre runner either. I could hold my own on the football pitch as a defender also. I went to the gym, went running, cycling, swimming, trail walking, climbing. You get the picture. Nowadays I read quite a bit, lift a few boxes of books in and out of the shop but other than that I sit and watch my slowly expanding belly get ever larger! So I was delighted when sat reading the local rag this morning to see Kelly Holmes' smiling face grinning back at me. She is looking a lot prettier these days, it has to be said, but that is beside the point. She is championing the Tonbridge Half Marathon which is scheduled for September 25th this year and that is just the excuse I need to get my fitness back on track. I could just do it through will power alone but I've always found that you tend to stick to things much more if you have a goal in sight, a solid reason for pushing yourself to new limits. This is especially so if it involves public embarrassment if you make an idiot of yourself. So here it is then: I publicly declare that I am putting myself forward for this year's half marathon, not to win it but to run it in a respectable time. What that realistic time is I don't know yet; I'm sure one or two readers will have suggestions!...

TJ's Riding High....

The Tonbridge Juddians rugby team have been riding high again this season with, at the last count, only one defeat in the whole season. A record the mighty All Blacks themselves would be proud of! This Saturday they play host to local rivals Tunbridge Wells in a rearranged fixture which was snowed off just before Christmas. They have arranged the usual lunch for the big wigs and, more importantly a marquee behind the club house which will probably have a hog roast and other such succulent treats as well as lashings of Larkins ale. I may be along to catch the second half myself....

An arts festival to be proud of....

What's happening about the Tonbridge Arts Festival this year? Tonbridge Blog thought that the idea was that there'd be an annual event starting with last year's. The ten days last October really were a total treat, an overdose of the arts I think I described it as at the time. So why the uncertainty over this year's event? Probably down to a certain amount of organiser's fatigue which I can fully understand; just organising the book fair in Tonbridge for the past six years or so and knowing the efforts you put into it for seemingly little reward, and an awful lot of grief, it's easy to see why it would be hard to motivate yourself soon after Christmas to get on with organising the next one. The disappointing numbers at some of the events may have caused disillusion but that could have been down to pricing, availability of tickets and lack of information more than inertia on the part of the event goers. I understand that a meeting is taking place at West Kent College of committee members of last year's festival and anyone else interested. There is absolutely no doubt that it is a worthwhile event and, with the right backing, the abundance of enthusiasm which already exists, proper promotion and a professional ticket sales operation, it could become an annual event which everyone in the town will be very proud of....

Tonbridge Blonde....

I still haven't tasted Blonde Ambition, the only beer that I'm aware our very own Tonbridge Brewery produces. I'm told it's very nice and that, among other places I can try it at that pub in the middle of the Pantiles (Duke of York is it?) But, hang on, that's in Tunbridge Wells! Surely there are one or two Tonbridge pubs serving the lovely stuff. Here's what the CAMRA Good Beer Guide says about it: "Tonbridge Brewery was launched in 2010 using a four-barrel plant and is run by Paul and Lynne Bournazian. It produces cask conditioned ales using only Kent grown hops and supplies pubs within a fifteen mile radius of Tonbridge." Oh yeah, which ones then? Blonde Ambition the guide descibes as: "A crisp, clean blonde ale with a refreshing bitterness and slightly spicy aroma." Right that's it; how long's it take to drive over to the Pantiles. Oh no, strong beers, better get the bus!!..

Local blogs....

And on the subject of local bloggers I'm pleased to see that Three Beautiful Things, the Tunbridge Wells based site, is still going strong. Such a lovely idea and so simple. It can be a little twee and corney at times some might say but most of the time it's an easy uplifting read with, often, poetic language and beautiful descriptions of simple pleasures as seen through the eyes of the author. The blog has been going at least four years and I still like it...

Who does anke think he is?...

I notice that anke the Tunbridge Wells blogger was listed among the Courier's Tunbridge Wells "Power List 2011"as being one of the town's movers and shakers. He was listed alongside the likes of MP Greg Clarke, businessman Simon Hume Kendal, Bob Atwood the head of TW Borough Council and Jason Dormon the co-owner of The Forum and other night time venues. But Anke! Come off it what's he got then? I mean apart from a local blog site with a few pretty pictures which, so I'm told, one or two people like to read. It's only a blog for gawd's sakes. Not like it's the Huffington Post or The Telegraph Online or anything is it? His was the only picture in the article to be darkened out in mysterious fashion as if keeping his anonymity. We all know who you are you know so what's with the pretence. What an anke! Not that I'm jealous or anything!...

Where would you like to go this half term?...

Well school half term is upon us again. Actually strictly speaking that's not true since most schools don't even call it that any more. Strictly it's the third term of six but most people still refer to it as half term. Clear? No neither am I. Anyway the main point of this post was not to give you a lesson in current educational practices but rather to find out what people are up to. Are you just carrying on working like normal? Going places with the kids? Eating out or has the recession bit? (Bad pun that one!) Let's have some suggestions of the best places to go in and around Tonbridge. You're not allowed to say things like "as far away as possible" because that just wouldn't be fair!...

Comment Moderation....

Comment moderation is when the publisher of the blog (that's me) reads the comment first and then decides whether to not to publish it. I don't use it across the board very much, hardly ever in fact and Tonbridge Blog has only ever censored or deleted a handful of comments in over four years. I do generally keep an eye on older comments, which currently are being comment moderated. The main reason for this is to avoid spam comments designed to direct the reader to unsavory web sites and direct selling sites. If you have noticed delays in your comments going on against posts over two weeks old then that's the reason. I did lift it altogether for a recent post which attract way more comments than usual but have now reintroduced it. If it gets too annoying I'll lift it again....

Medieval Tonbridge....

Angus Donald was in Mr. Books not half an hour ago. Who is he? He is a Tonbridge-based successful author of medieval historical novels. The success of his first two books Outlaw and Holy Warrior have led to publishers, Little Brown, siging him up to write another ten in the series. Seems like a nice chap and suitably excentric for an author. Of course I managed to sell him a couple of history books and sign him up for the next Tonbridge Book Fair in October. Alys Clare is another well known and locally based successful historical novelist so there must be something in the water around here. Or maybe it's the influence of the splendid 12th Century castle we're blessed with....

Snagging list....

I've been like a bear with a sore head for the past few weeks. Being short with people. Ratty. Bad tempered. Argumentative and mildly aggressive. On all of these counts I'm guilty as charged! The reason for this is snagging. This is a word I only learnt about a month ago and it's almost turned me into a nervous wreck. Let me explain. I've been having some major building work done at home since November last year. I could cope with the pouring over drawings, the men arriving at 7-30 most mornings during the dark days of December and January, the industrial drilling noises and the loud radios set seemingly permanently on the Chris Moyles show. It didn't bother me too much that the builders had to tear down half the wall and the garage roof. It didn't bother me when the plasterers made a complete mess of the new floors and left their paw prints all over the kettle and the fridge; or when I had to make about eight cups of tea and coffee every morning for about two months. What's got to me is all this snagging business. Snagging is a good word for it actually as it is the tying up of all the loose ends that need fixing at the end of the job. The rough edges that need smoothing at the bottoms of doors, the grub screws missing off the handles, the sticking door latch, the bit of sealant missing from the sink, that sort of thing. It isn't that any one of them should get you all agitated, or that two or three of them together should make you irate. It's more the sheer number of them nagging at you constantly, milling around in my tiny brain, eating away at me in the night as I realise that I forgot that the grouting on the tiles of the front step hadn't been added to the snagging list. Still it'll all be finished soon and I can then sit back and enjoy my new study. Damn it I've just noticed a scuff on that new laminate floor. Where's me snagging list?!..

Enough to drive you batty!...

I see that the Kent and Sussex Courier were up to their old tricks in today's issue: miss quoting, sensationalizing, and miss spelling various key words in their report on last Friday's Tonbridge Has Talent, held at Tonbridge School. The most howling and unforgiveablen error they made though was possibly in their mention of the "Cawdrey twins," who were singing a medley of close harmonies and were alarmingly good at it for such strapping lads. Would they, by any chance, be the grandsons in the legendary cricketing family descending from one Colin Cowdrey, one of the school's most famous old boys? I'm told that at least one of the twins is not so bad with the bat himself. They were certainly able to bat away most of the Simon Cowell-like criticism from the judging panel!...

£3.95 for a small popcorn at the Odeon!!!!

A small Pepsi, small sweet popcorn, chocolate Aero Bubble Pouch. How much would you expect to pay for these three items?  three or four quid? Ok if I told you they were purchased at the Odeon cinema who, by the way, are fanatical about film, would you then think they'd add up to a bit more. Maybe five or six pounds. Try £9.50! That's what my unsuspecting teenage daughter paid out of her own saved up pocket money last Sunday. Sorry to sound like a right tight arse but, come off it guys, this is a complete rip off. The only thing you can do by way of protest is to just not buy anything there. Why can't they just charge reasonable prices instead of these absurdly outrageous ones? How would you like this if you were only getting a fiver a week:

Choc Aero Bubble Pouch £2.90
Small Pepsi £2.65
Small Sweet Popcorn £3.95
Total £9.50

Blimey imagine what the bill would've come to if she'd decided to go large! If they were doing any meal deals, as I know they used to, then they certainly weren't making it obvious. It's bordering on exploitation to rip off young kids who are still a bit wet behind the ears. If only the Odeon were fanatical about snacks as well then they might stop overcharging for them....

Clean your Valentine's Day sheets for you?!..

I've heard it all now. The new launderette on Quarry Hill Parade (Bubbles is it?) is doing a Valentine's Day special. Duvets washed, dried and folded up neatly for a tenner. The mind boggles....

Have you got Fly Fishing by JR Hartley?!..

As a matter of fact yes I do have it. It's the only book in Mr. Books which isn't for sale and if I had a pound for each person who has walked into my shop in the last few years and asked that question I wouldn't be rich but I'd certainly be able to afford a half decent rod and some flies. In fact just before I opened the shop, nearly six years ago now, Fly Fishing by JR Hartley was the only book sitting in the window! The reason I keep it is partly so I can say to those smart Alecs "Look there it is!" and partly to indicate that I can obtain any book and indeed see it as a personal challenge to do so. It was particularly nice therefore to see the new take on this famous ad which is a brilliant adaptation with a trendy looking but aging dude going from record shop to record shop trying to find an obscure old recording from 1992 by Day V Lately. You get the idea. When he arrives home exhausted and despondent his daughter hands him her i-phone and presses the Yell.com ap so that he can search around some more. In a brilliant echo of the original ad the shop who has a copy of the record asks him his name. "My name?" he says "...is Day V. Lately!" Superb! Check it out right now on YouTube....

Just call me Piers Cowalsh....

The Courier have been in touch asking me for a quote about Tonbridge Has Talent which was held at Tonbridge School on Friday night. They asked me what it was like to be a Simon Cowell like judge, in other words the harsh one who takes all the flack from the audience. All I can say to that is that I didn't set out to be the harsh judge but merely told it as I saw it. So harsh at times maybe but always fair and honest. I could have just said "Oh yes that was really lovely and you have a great future in entertainment, well done!" But really how much good would that have done them. They may have sang and performed well enough but, as Louis Walsh might say, did they make the songs their own?!..

Tonbridge Insider Out Now....

Front cover of latest issue features Christine Highland's map of central Tonbridge

I still haven't seen my copy yet but it is out now so I'm told. If you haven't had one through the door then that's just your tough luck! There's some joker in there writing a column called Tonbridge Log. I wonder where he got that idea from....

Tonbridge HAS talent....

So did Tonbridge have talent? Most emphatically the answer is YES. Ok a few of the 19 acts were alot stronger than some of the others but, on the whole the standard was once again very high. I did what I consider to be the easy bit sitting on the panel of judges looking like something between Piers Morgan and Louis Walsh and acting more like a slightly less cruel Simon Cowell. I must apologise to the singer in the very first act, Jack Rosies, I jokingly said that he wasn't aloud to wear hoodies and, bless him, he took it down sharpish and said that he hoped he hadn't caused any offence. If only all hoody wearers were that polite! From that moment on I had the audience against me, hissing at my every word. OK not quite that but, hey look, I was only being honest and telling it as I saw and heard it. There were many many interesting and wonderful performances by children and young adults from ages 10 to 17 from a wide variety of schools in the area so the judging was particularly difficult this year. Actually not really because this year there were three or four performances which shone out and screamed me me me much louder and brighter than the others (lovely mixed metaphors there!) Some of the acts were technically brilliant but not performed with great enthusiasm and charisma, others were the opposite: brilliantly performed but with little technical or musical skill. There was one young girl who had it all though and came out a clear winner for me anyway: Asha Parkinson played "Alfie's Theme" a solo on the saxophone and I tell you, for a girl of about eleven, she was absolutely fantastic. In fact for a man of about 45 she'd have been equally as brilliant. She had it all, and like all great performers she made it look effortless, I actually thought for a few moments that she must be miming to a backing track but it really was her; if you closed your eyes you could have been listening to The Bird himself, Charlie Parker, or the magnificent Courtney Pine it really was that good. If I were Simon Cowell I'd have signed her up right there on the spot for here is a girl with a serious musical future and make no mistake. I think that I may have embarrassed Holly Wellington during my comments in front of a four hundred strong audience by remarking that on her Twitter profile she has the audacity to claim to be "the next big thing" but settled her down by saying that she may just be right. Holly didn't win the first prize but she may have well have done as she was awarded sponsor Gift Daze's special prize of a day in a professional recording studio where they'll help her to produce a top quality demo tape. Holly has a lovely rich, slightly gravelly voice which is quite unique and she was singing a beautiful song called Through the Dark which she'd written herself. She was quite superb. The other prizes went to the Cowdrey Twins who sang a medley of harmonies and were nothing at all like those other infamous twins Jedward. They looked more like a couple of rugby players than singers but boy did they sound great. Jody Zimmerman came in joint second along side the twins, having tap danced  her heart out to "Where he ain't" Her performance was worthy of the West End where indeed she has performed already as Marta Von Trapp in The Sound of Music and in Les Miserables at the Queen's Theatre. The third prize had to be split 33 ways as the Ukelele Orchestra from TGS plucked sang and strummed to "Begging" by the Four Seasons which certainly had the whole audience clapping along and tapping their feet to the beat. They filled the stage with their lovely music; just think what a better place the world would be if every one played Ukelele! Now there's a thought my solution to world disharmony: every one is issued with a uke and forced to be able to play at least six chords! The whole night was hugely entertaining and clearly showed that Tonbridge most definitely has talent in abundance....

Big School, Old Big School, new Big School....

Some people laugh when Big School and Old Big School are mentioned, thinking that it all sounds terribly quaint and old fashioned not to mention somewhat confusing to the unintiated. Well they're probably right on that score (but what's wrong with that any way?) Just to clear things up then: Tonbridge School was, for many many years, known as The Big School but as it grew larger and more buildings had to be added they had to distinguish between the various halls and teaching rooms. Big School is now the larger of the two halls at the front of the school (you know the big school) and Old Big School is the smaller of the two which, presumably, used to once be known as Big School itself, before the new Big School was built. But after then it had to be called Old Big School since Big School wasn't to be named New Big School, which may have avoided the confusion. So Big School must have become Old Big School to make way for the new Big School being called just plain Big School to replace its older smaller brother hall (or is it sister hall?!) And that's the story of Big School. As the meercat says: Simples!...

Does Tonbridge have talent?...

If previous years are anything to go by the answer is an emphatic YES! This Friday at Big School Tonbridge School the finalists of Tonbridge Has Talent, mostly from the schools in the town, will gather to perform a huge variety of singing, juggling, magic, ukeleleing, street dance, drumming, comedy, ventriloquism, you name it. About three hours of good old variety entertainment. For the third year running Yours Truly will be pretending to be Simon Cowell (or is it Amanda Holden!) for the evening putting my two penneth in and slating the young performers, er, I mean, giving constructive criticism and good advice! I'm pretty sure that the event is open to all, that is to say not just friends and family of the finalists, and you can probably pay on the door. So will it be XXX or three yeses?