Blog off Tonbridge....

Which will it be?...

State funeral for Harry Patch?...

Harry Patch the last surviving "Tommy" to have fought in the trenches of World War One has died at the age of 111. This man could have been killed in 1917, like over 70,000 of his comrades in arms were in the Battle of Passchendaele, but for fluke, keeping his head down, not being the first one over the top, falling over, being slightly more alert that day, he could have died a young man's death. But he didn't, he went into the living hell of the mud, the filth, the fear and the stench of death and passed out the other side to live a long and peaceful life. If this man doesn't deserve a state funeral then I don't know who does! I don't care what sort of a man he was, whether he argued with his wife and family (and I not suggesting he did by the way) none of that matters. What matters is the fact that this man was the last man to survive the horrors and therefore represents all the others thousands of poor young men who weren't so lucky. They never had lives, most of them hadn't even had meaningful relationships, never mind wives, families, grand children and great grand children. Lives ruined, families ruined, experiences that never were. For Harry's sakes, for Gods sake and for all our sakes let's have a massive state funeral and then draw a line under the whole damed war....

Warning to book thieves in Tonbridge....

I opened up an old leather bound copy of Fern Leaves From Fanny's Portfolio by Fanny Fern today (interesting title and actually quite scarce but that's by the by!) and on the first page was stuck a small label with these rather charming words:

Steal not this book for fear of shame,
For here you see the owner's name;
But if you do, the Lord will say,
"Where is that book you stole away?"
And if you say, "I cannot tell,"
The Lord will say, "Go down to hell."

You have all been warned!...

Goodbye Kristys?

Kristys has closed its doors for the final time recently if the white washed windows at the cards shop on Quarry Hill Parade are anything to go by. That's another empty shop in Tonbridge and probably another broken dream for the owners of the business. It is amazing that they couldn't make it work being so close to the railway station with the tremendous amount of passing trade they must have potentially had. I'll be honest with you and say that I only went in there once, when they first opened in fact to wish them well, but I did walk and drive past many times and the sure fire sign that a business is in trouble is the regular sight of that red "SALE" poster slapped across the window. The products they offered were mainly cards and, what I would call trickets, expensive Betty Boo handbags and purses, tacky but pricey ornaments and the like. A victim of the recession perhaps but, correct me if I'm wrong, they never seemed to be open early in the morning, when one would have thought a lot of affluent commuter trade would have been walking straight past their window. I'm no retail expert by any means, and it is a crying shame when any young business goes to the wall, but I do wonder whether or not they made the most of that prime site they were in. It sounds like TonbridgeBlog is twisting the knife a bit but that is definitely not my intention here. As always I'm just one blogger expressing a view....

£5.95 for lunch can't be bad!...

TonbridgeBlog has just taken his first lunch break in over four years, honestly! I've just taken my wife to Mama Mia's, what was the Grapes, and before that, the Office Wine Bar on the High Street in Tonbridge to try out their "Rapido" lunch menu. I put a notice on the door of the shop, again for the first time ever, saying "Closed For Lunch" which seemed a little strange since lunch is usually a sandwich, often with a bag of cheese n onion crisps or sometimes prawn cocktail flavour, but never anything as frivolous as smokey bacon. Off we went, all of fifty yards from Mr. Books, in fact, from our table, I could still see the front of my shop and keep my eye out for if I needed to rush back to serve the disgruntled queue of customers, by now anxious to get in to the shop. The Rapido menu looked very nice and, apparently, changes every day, but I have to say it was a little limited having a choice of only two starters and two mains, but then what can you expect for £5.95 these days? That said both choices sounded, and by this time smelt dislish. I plumped for the chicken salad starter (it was called something fancy and Italian sounding, with the word Pollo in there somewhere) followed by a lingini course with sausage, mushroom, cherry tomatoes and, curiously, peas. I'll be honest, being a fairly large chap, I was a little disappointed with the size of the portions, but frankly, at lunch time, it was just about enough. I washed that down with a glass of Montepulceano D'Abruzzo and some sparkling mineral water, which obviously cost extra. My wife had the other choices, which were soup followed by a tomatoey pasta dished, which was, she told me, equally tasty. I felt very satisfied afterwards, not too full, and happy to have got out for an hour in good company (well I have to say that in case she reads this blog!) The total bill was about £17.20 and I must have felt good because I gave the waitress a £1.80 tip. Actually, thinking about it, maybe I'm not feeling well!...

Oldest Man in Tonbridge revealed....

And here it is. The result of the oldest living resident in Tonbridge competition. This man moved into the town in his late twenties and has been here ever since. As you can see life has certainly taken its toll on this man of Kent. He certainly looks every one of his 104 years! But who is he?...

Who is Tonbridge's oldest man? (or woman?)

As Britain's (and the World's) oldest man, Henry Allingham, passes on TonbridgeBlog would like to start the quest to find Tonbridge's oldest living resident. It would be lovely if it turned out to be someone as full of the charisma and charm that Mr Allingham seemed to have even in his advanced years, someone who has served their country or the community in the same way as he did. I'm not sure that I'd like to live that long though actually as he must have seen all his loved ones, including his children and maybe even grand children, get old and die in that time. I'll settle for sitting in a deck chair on my 90th birthday, with ten of my great grand children running around my feet, as I slowly fall asleep and slip away. Anyway have a great weekend everyone, lots to live for....

Crying for Tonbridge....

Ok so not all of you like my poems! What's that you say? None of you do! Look I just was feeling a bit sentimental yesterday since it was my daughter's last day at primary school and it only seems like yesterday since she was starting in reception class at Hildenborough. Being an old softie I'm proud of myself that I did manage to go through the day without shedding a tear though, which was encouraging. Or was it, why should the school gate men of Tonbridge not wear their hearts on their sleeves? Come on, Gazza made it trendy to blub in the World Cup back in 1990! Just let it all out if it makes you feel better guys....

Last Day at School....

I wrote this poem a few years ago when I was quite new at being a school-gate dad, I'm an old hand now of course! So this is dedicated to all the young dads out there who'll be fighting back their emotions today. Seems quite topical at least:

My Cool Sports Shades (Last Day at School)

For the first time
I witness this touching spectacle
Before my eyes,
Unexpectedly tearful,
Behind my cool sports shades
In the warm July sun.

Smiling teachers
Beaming children shouting, excited;
Laughter.
“Freedom!” they cry.

Teachers grin sighs of relief,
Saying their final Goodbyes to parents,
They share hugs from the tearful
Girl leavers
And one or two boys.

Shirts signed by all their mates
From collar to tail.
Touching embraces, from secret sweethearts.
(Maybe one day, who knows?)
Or in another life perhaps.

Boys thinking they’re men,
Girls become women so fast.

Then first my boy
Through the crowd,
His face gradually appears, as I pick him out
His face relieved yet sad,
As he hands me a painting, of Everest.
(So many mountains to climb!)

Then my daughter
Like a fairytale princess
Sees me before I spot her.
Smiling, handing me paintings,
Notepads, pencil case and bag.
I become the porter for a whole year’s worth of kids stuff,
Like a cricket umpire; it’s part of my day.

“Year six now!”
“Year two now!”
But first that long rest in between awaits them.

“Pyjama Day tomorrow!”

It’s the end of term!

I dab a tear secretly
From the corner of my eye,
Behind my cool sports shades.

A day not to be missed!...

Some people criticised the inclusion of ads by Google on this blog when TonbridgeBlog first started to carry them. Reading the article on the Guardian's web site this morning about the back packer who went missing for 12 days in the Australian Blue Mountains, surviving on leaves and seeds, perhaps the critcs had some justification for their concerns. I swear to you this ad appeared underneath this report this morning:

"Blue Mountain Tours
See the beautiful Blue Mountains A day not to be missed. Good value
sydneyguide.net.au"

Shouldn't that be a day not to be missed followed by 11 to definitely be missed! It must be the way the search engine just picks out key words or something along those lines. In fact if you scroll down some of the ads next to TBlog posts you'll see some other strange examples like ads for services to get you tax refunds next to my posting about the MP claiming over £5,000 for a bookcase!...

Summer reading material....

I must choose some more books to read for the summer as I've just finished reading one and am about to come to the end of another. The one I've finished is called Spellbound, The Surprising Origins and Astonishing Secrets of English Spelling and despite the rather long and serious title I found the book to be rivotting. Does that make me a bore then? Well probably but it really was right up my street. The sign of a good book for me is if you pick it up just to dip into it, as I did with this one, and then you end up having to read the whole book. It was well written, often amusing, fairly succinct and contained some fascinating history of languages and the effects of the movement of people. I learnt that, generally speaking, with languages most people don't think far back enough, that is assuming they think about it at all. Most of us have a smattering of French, German or Spanish, cleverer folk among us might be able to speak Latin or Greek, maybe Dutch of Danish. But what if I said that all of these languages actually derived from the same root. Yes it's true. They all came from a language group that we now call Indo European and pretty much all the modern European languages derived from it and also a few that have died out. The really curious thing is that the English language is distinct from most, if not all, others because it is basically a merger of Italic (thanks to the Norman French) and Germanic (from our Anglo Saxons ancestors) but, if you go back a few thousands years further, both of these tongues would have been the same ie. Proto Indo European. If you are now bored then forget about this posting; if you now feel you want to read more then buy the book.
The other book, which I'm getting near the end of is Victoria Hislop's The Island which I do feel slightly dutybound to read since Victoria, wife of Ian, very kindly came along to my humble little bookshop for a book signing a month or so ago. She was going to the Hay on Wye lit fest the next day and then on to a festival in Norway a few days later, but she still found the time, being a Tonbridge lass, to support a local bookshop. I'm enjoying the book and am keen to finish it now that I'm reaching the final few chapters; it's probably not the sort of story I would usually enjoy, as it's rather a tragic tale (so far anyway) but I'm glad I picked it up. I'm not sure it will ever be a classic but could well be made into a fairly dark, yet uplifting film in the future. Please nobody post what happens at the end, that would just spoil it for me! Any body care to recommend a recent favourite book?...

Blame it on the Boogie!...

Maybe I've been walking around in a dream world this last few months or has the annual Festival of Music and Fireworks, which is being held at Tonbridge Castle this weekend, not been as well publicised as it is normally? Anyway, it's probably not too late to go along there (surely it can't be a sell out at £27.50 a ticket can it?) tonight for, and I quote the Tonbridge Castle web site: "Summer Nights: The world's greatest rock and pop musicals in concert is back by popular demand! The greatest songs from classic rock 'n roll shows like Grease, Dirty Dancing, Buddy, Fame and Tommy. This show features six star performers from London's West End and is backed by a live seven-piece band. This selection of classic hits will have you dancing all night long!" Let's hope so at that price eh! Then tomorrow, and I may even go along to this there's: "New for 2009! THE MAGIC OF MOTOWN The stage show that's taken the country by storm is coming to town! A superbly talented cast bring to life the hits of the Four Tops, the Supremes, the Temptations, the Jacksons, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder and many more! One hit song after another will bring the festival to a close in this spectacular Queen's Award-nominated stage show celebrating the world's most popular record label - Tamala Motown." Unintentionally topical I'll wager, but this one probably will be sold out what with the Michael Jackson fever that has descended on us. I still have never been along to this festival in all the years it's been running and am always reminded that it's on when I hear the musicians rehearsing in the afternoons before the show, whilst I'm sitting quietly in my shop (a free show you might say!) and then when I'm falling asleep on the sofa around 10-45pm (if last night was anything to go by) the boom, boom, crack, bang, fizzle, fizz of the fireworks marking, presumably, the end of the show. Anyone been this year, what's the buzz like? I would go along only I might not be able to control my feet!...

Vic Reeves At Gallery and Museum, Tunbridge Wells....

Good review on fellow local blog, Anke Tunbridge Wells, of the apparently rather bizzare art exhibition of comedian, Vic Reeves aka Jim Moir's, work entitle "The Natural History of Kent and Sussex Seen Through My Binoculars!"The man has a strange and brilliant comedic mind so I for one will be popping along at some point to see has weird and, no doubt wonderful, works. Got any booze fo' babby Vic?!...

Are police cars and ambulances (noise) polluting Tonbridge?...

Is it me or are there more police cars and ambulances tearing down Tonbridge High St. than ever! I've counted at least four this morning. Maybe its the stillness of the summer air which makes you notice them more. Maybe it's the Miami Vice-like sirens they use these days. They really do make you stop and look and get well clear of them, which I suppose is the point afterall. But do they have to be quite so intrusive? What was wrong with the good old fashion nee naw or indeed the Z-cars bell?! I'm not kidding I know of at least one family who used to live near the town centre, who actually left Tonbridge specifically because he and his wife had had enough of them. A bit drastic perhaps but that really was the reason this retired doctor gave for moving....

Feeling like a number one!...

I like a nice tune now and again don't you. Soon, is it this weekend? the Tonbridge Festival of Music and Fireworks is on at the Castle. (Obviously we couldn't do without the fireworks now could we?!) If you're not around this weekend then you'll probable miss the strains of a bootleg Beatles or a Mama Mia Abba trubute band or perhaps a seventies specialist band called the Funking Bar Stewards (they're out there I promise you!) Freddie Mercury lookalikes, maybe that Michael Jackson lookylikey fellow. They may even throw in some classical numbers to make us all feel more high brow and cultural; and speaking of music, in an idle moment this morning, listening to some programme on radio 4, as I occasionally do, I suddenly realised that I didn't know what the number one hit record was when I was born. I can tell you that my daughter's was Barbie Girl, by Aqua and my son's was Boom Boom Shake the Room by DJ Jaffy and the Fresh Prince. I know this because I went out and bought the cds just so they'd have them to listen in stunned silence to when they're middle aged! But incredibly I never been bothered to find out my own. Now if I'd been born a week earlier the first number one song I'd have ever heard would have been "Wonderful Land" by The Shadows , which wouldn't have been so bad. A week later would have been really cool as The King, Elvis Presley was top of the charts with "Good Luck Charm" now that would have been something. Around at the time in May 1962 were a whole host of now famous blues singers like John Lee Hooker, the Beatles were just getting started, as were the Rolling Stones. So what was the number one, selling probably a million records, as you had to in those days to be the top selling single in the UK? It was "Nut Rocker" by B. Bumble and the Stingers (well all bands had stupid names in those days!) I'm afraid I can't say I'd ever heard of it either! I've listened to it on Spotify.com (which, by the way if you don't know, is a brilliant way of getting free music online, and it's legal!) and actually it's not that bad but an instrumental, so not even a few catchy lines to quote to you....

Tonbridge's first beer festival....

Quite a few people have commented about the South East Beer Festival, held in Tonbridge over the weekend. Some were impressed, some not so. I now feel ever so slightly guilty having not been able, not felt like, forgot, had something else on, had to finish my book, had to get the grass cut before it chucked down, had to phone my sister, had to sort the car out, and all those other excuses to go myself in the end. From what I saw though having peered behind the rugby club a couple of times it did look reasonably well attended, although that really is just a passer by's snap shot. I'm not quite sure how many people they expect at such events. Perhaps one comment on this post had it spot on when they said that it appeared to be a rugby club event. It was at the TJs clubhouse, the large marquee was pretty well hidden behind it and the posted had two rugby players passing a beer barrel to each other (instead of a ball, geddit?) which on reflection was a little confusing to the potential visitor. I know myself from organising book fairs and other cultural events in Tonbridge that it can be very difficult on a low PR and advertising budget, to get people their on the day, that said their are enough visitors usually to make these events work. Perhaps as the event gets more established there, if they decide to keep it at the Tonbridge Juddians clubhouse that is, and the organisers get the message across that it isn't just for rugger buggars, it will work much better. After all they couldn't have had better weather conditions. At the risk of being slated by Paul Bailey, a regular commenter on this blog and also a proper real ale connoiseur, I might also suggest that maybe just maybe though, thinking about it, many people prefer like me to drink gassy lager in hot weather, instaed of all that treacley and hoppy stuff. Or isthat a hangable offence in CAMRA circles!!..

Halfords electric bikes for a cleaner and greener Tonbridge....

I sent an email to Halfords a couple of weeks ago on the subject of why wasn't this leading retailer at the forefront of promoting and selling electric bikes (scroll down this page for earlier postings on the subject.) I had high hopes that they would drive this forward in response to a concerned customer's (me that is) view. This is the reply they sent me, which, as you can see by my reply back to them, that I was pretty unimpressed with their rather cold but polite, safe and non-commital response. Although Robin, in their customer services department, does offer me a glimmer of hope, saying that they have been testing some e-bikes recently, I really was hoping for a bit more from the number one bike retailer, Halfords, than this:

"Thank you for your email, and please accept my apologies for the delay in our response. In regards to your query, Halfords are constantly bringing out fantastic new products. I saw new Electric bikes being tested just last week here at Halfords. For all the latest available products please follow this link: http://www.halfords.com/ Kind Regards, Robin. Halfords Customer Services"

To which my response was:

"Hello, I was hoping for something a bit more than a fairly standard reply from you. My point is that Halfords, being one of the top bike sellers in Britain, should be leading from the front on this one and making affordable electric bikes available to all. Your company would undoubtedly be on to a winner as no other leading retailer is doing it yet. In any case when I searched on your web site it seems that Halfords do in fact sell some online, but curiously not in store where customers would actually be able to see them, sit on them, perhaps trial them. The environment and climate change is a serious issue, right at the heart of government thinking and electric bicyles have been recognised as an important part of the solution for transport in the next few decades. They are just far too expensive for most pockets, other than the early adopters and those committed to green issues, Best Regards..."

Will that make any difference? let's wait and see....

Beer Festival in Tonbridge Now On....

Real ale fans may have spotted that there's Beer Festival on at the Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club this weekend. All w/e by the looks of it. There's a massive marquee at the back of the club house, looks very well organised from what I could see. Hoping to pay a visit there tomrrow to sample some of the fine and unusual selection of real ales and ciders. I'm leaving the car at home so there won't be any reason to go anywhere the wheel of my car! Judging by the poster (above) there are over 30 breweries there and over a hundred different beers. There's never any trouble at these largely middle class events but if there is then the rugby club boys will no doubt be on hand to nip it in the bud....

P Off again!...

I've said this before about the main Post Office on TonbridgeBlog but it needs saying again: STOP TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS WHEN I JUST WANT TO POST A PARCEL, PLEASE! I'm getting really sick of it. I have a credit card, but don't want another one, I'm sorted for household and motor insurance, I don't need travel insurance, I don't want another savings account, I'm happy with pay as you talk Vodafone for my mobile phone and I've got everything else you're trying to push on me. They'll be offering counselling services next! If I want any of these things I'll pick up a leaflet or make some enquiries myself or I'll ask you; afterall, in the queue, I've already seen that fat bloke from the TV programme, Early Doors, larking about on the instore screen while telling me about all these various fantastic services you offer. What I don't need is for some sheepish, embarrassed lady with zero sales ability to ask me questions she'd rather not, about products and services she doesn't really understand, and I'd rather not hear about. It's tantamount to hassling and abusing their captive audience of mainly middle aged and older folk, it's too pushy and it needs to stop. I'm going to get a big badge designed to wear every time I go into Tonbridge PO saying: REGULAR CUSTOMER, PLEASE DON'T TRY TO SELL ME ANYTHING OTHER THAN A STAMP! It wouldn't be so bad if I had a realistic choice of going to another post office, like Olive's shop which they closed down about a year ago along with all the other sub POs which actually used to offer you a good service rather than try to milk you dry. So my message to Adam Crozier, CEO of The Royal Mail, ex-Chief Executive of The Football Association, and employer of Sven 'The Philanderer' Goran Erickson, ex-MD of Saatchi and Saatchi advertising agency, ex-Daily Telegraph Advertising Sales Executive, where, allegedly, he was sacked for cooking the books and favouring a certain big ad agency, Saatchi & Saatchi with whom he, oh let's see, walked into a job shortly after this incident. Funny that! It's all on Google! (Yes he was a much younger man then but it showed what lengths this man would go to get on in business) is stop trying to milk us dry we've had enough of it!....

Hot summer nights, alcohol and swimming in rivers just don't mix....

Driving through Tonbridge High Street, late last night (around midnight) there were two Police cars and an ambulance parked next to the town bridge and a small crowd of young people were gathered peering over into the water. I do hope it's not another tragic incident involving young folk having a few too many drinks on a hot summer's evening, thinking they're invincible, wanting to cool off, wanting to show off, and then getting int difficulty in the river, with terrible consequences. I don't know if that has happened, but I wouldn't be at all surprised since it has happened about every three years since I've lived in Tonbridge. It will be a terribly sad sight to see yet more flowers tied to the railings on that bridge, from which some say the town gets its name. I know it's hardly worth even uttering, but when will they learn? We're a pretty robust lot us humans, in the main, but sometimes I wonder how any of us manage to reach the age of thirty....