Summer is a cumin in!...

Brrrr! The hardy among us will be pleased to know that the outdoor pool at Tonbridge Swimming Pool will be opening from this Friday. Snow permitting I shall be down there doing a few lengths to help me get in trim for my surfing holiday this Summer. If we ever get a Summer that is!...

Have you seen the size of the RBS Company Report?...

I'm an RBS shareholder. There, I've admitted it! That's what used to be known as The Royal Bank of Scotland. Now you may remember that this is the bank which was forced to reveal, if I've got my facts right, that it had given it's Chief Exec a no conditions pension pot which meant that, however long he worked for the company he would receive what amounted to a £750,000 a year pension for the rest of his life. Not bad if the company decides to retire you early, largely due to your own incompetence, in your early fifties. I'd settle for that! The bank, perhaps not surprisingly, then nearly went to the wall and was bailed out by the Government and therefore in turn you and I. They then pay another top Banker a small fortune to rescue them if he achieves targets; targets which are no doubt fairly attainable. In the meantime they make pledges to keep costs down and bonuses in check. So anyway, being a shareholder, the other day I received their company report; nothing so odd in that you may be thinking. Until you see it and feel the weight of it. It wouldn't fit through my letter box for a start, so I had to make a trip to the post depot to pick up this mammoth document, which was printed on heavy glossy paper in full colour, and wasn't far off the thickness of the Yellow Pages. I'm not exaggerating either. I'm not sure how many shareholders the company has but it must run into hundreds of thousands at least so what cost for production, distribution and postage I wonder? Is this the best use of what is now indirectly tax payers money? Are the wheels in this particular large organisation so slow that they couldn't stop this mostly boring document being churned out because that's what they always produce? You'd think that they wouldn't leave themselves so wide open to criticism this year of all years....

Job done for Tonbridge Juddians....

As expected the boys from Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club 1st XV did the job with two games to spare. By beating KCS Old Boys by 45 points to 15 they have won the London 2 South East league. Read the match report by someone who was actually at the game rather than me who was stuck in my dry bookshop if you don't want to take my word for it. I'll raise my pint of Larkins ale in your honour tonight! As said in an earlier post this really is a fantastic achievement by a side who have battled through thick and thin and, not so long ago, had to get changed in the old lido changing rooms with cold concrete floors, a shower which barely dribbled water (hot if you were lucky) and a bath which probably had the mud of thirty years worth of games silting on the bottom. None of the namby pamby squeeky clean facilities they enjoy now!...

Plagiarism alive and well in Tonbridge....

Many a teacher will be aware of pupils' many degrees of plagiarism, especially since these days it's so easy with google searches, wikipedia and the like it must be harder and harder to detect. I'll wager that quite a few teachers have tried to tell students how bad it is and that they really shouldn't indulge in such low practices. I'll bet that none though have used a phrase which a certain H.L Mencken used in about 1758 about Noah Webster (of Webster's dictionary fame who, it seems hadn't been too proud to use the material of an earlier dictionographer, Thomas Dilworth. Mencken wrote of Webster: "...he was "suffiently convinced of its merits to imitate it, even to the extent of lifting whole passages." So it seems that there's nothing new in this particular form of word-theft. Go on teachers of Tonbridge you can plagiarize that one from me for free as I did from the book I'm currently reading, Bill Bryson's excellent "Mother Tongue."

Good luck today TJ's

It's all going rather swimmingly down at the Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club this season. No I'm not referring to the way the main pitch has been under three feet of flood water for most of this year but the way that the 1st XV have smashed their way to an unbeaten record. In fact, I think I'm correct in saying, that they have only lost one league game in the last two seasons. The club took the decision three years ago, after a disastrous run of results that, if they wanted to continue the considerable success they'd had in the wider side of the club like a fabulous mini rugby set up and an increasingly strong women's team, not to mention the terrific new club house that they'd invested hundreds of thousands in, then they needed to have a strong first team; one which the younger players would look up to. So they injected money and resources into the playing side of the club. Experienced new coaches were recruited with strong track records with other clubs and counties, key new players were actively sought to bolster the team, a strong emphasis on fitness training was instilled in the players. In short they changed the whole ethos of the playing side of the club so that it now looks like a sharpened semi professional set up at the top level. And boy oh boy have the results followed! In fact, I'm reliably informed by some of the lads who poked their heads in my shop just now that, if they win against KCS Old Boys today then they will win the London 2 South East League. What an achievement by a club who, not so many years ago, had to get changed in the annex of the old lido swimming pool. Good luck to the boys today. Come on ye hoops!...

Happy Birthday Mr. Books....

By the way Mr. Books will be five years old next week....

Forty to one....

At the risk of inflaming an old row I couldn't help but notice the small piece in this week's Courier about the Oxfam shop opening (by the Lady Mayor of Tonbridge and Malling no less!) My views on the subject are, I hope, now clear so I won't dwell on that but I did have a little moment of amazement when I read that the new Oxfam manager's target for volunteers is 40 people. FORTY people, that is to say FOUR ZERO. I know that their shop is a little bigger than Mr. Books and that they are mostly giving their services away for nothing, but that's only just over an hour a week each. Even as a volunteer you'd have thought that people would be able to give it at least a half day wouldn't you? I'm only jealous really of course. I've managed perfectly well with just me and the odd part time cover from friends for holidays etc for the last five years....

Should TonbridgBlog go pay per view?...

So that's it then the beginning of the end of free news on the internet. According to a report in the Daily Torygraph today From June the Times Online have decided to create a firewall on their content in another potentially groundbreaking move for one Mr. Rupert Murdoch. That's not to say that the Aussie tycoon has gone mad and is expecting bush fires on the internet no it's a teccie, computer geeks, term for being able to get to a taste of the content for free and then having to pay a fee to get the full version. A sort of coin meter for web content. Many are predicting that their audience will plummet but TonbridgeBlog is not so sure; Murdoch has an uncanny knack of getting the timing just right (think independent news channels, Sky TV, The Sun popular content.) Everyone thought he was just a meglamaniac nutter in all those cases and look at him now. If you start to think about it why should it be free other than the fact that everyone has got used to it being so. The journalists still want paying, as do the advertising staff, admin staff and production experts so where's the money going to come from in the long term? Only one place and that's the advertisers; but newspapers have traditionally always had that revenue stream and also the circulation sales revenue. TonbridgeBlog would like to propose a £2.50 a day fee from now if you want to get behind my firewall you better get saving up your pennies!...

True blue Mr. Books Bookshop....

And speaking of true blue (in this case the colour of my shop front and not necessarily my political persausion!) it was very nice of The Tonbridge Insider magazine to publish a full page article about the West Kent Book Fair literary events and even nicer of them to use my watercoloured shot of Mr. Books on their front page. They actually phoned me to ask did I mind if they used it. Now what was I going to say to that?!..

True Blue Tonbridge (with red and orange tints)

It's quite interesting during the run up to the general election to take a quick look at the results for the Tonbridge and Malling Constituency from the last election in 2005. You'll see if you click on this link to the Guardian newspaper site that the Conservatives had 24,357 versus Labour with 11,005 and Liberal 8,980. Now I must admit that I was a little surprised by that. I always assumed that the Lib Dems came a closer second and that Labour were in third place, way behind in the polls. But not so. (If you've glazed over by now then you're obviously not interested in politics which, frankly, I find a little hard to comprehend but there you go!) The results were even closer in the 2001 elections and still closer again in the 1997 election when Labour won by a landslide nationally and the Cons failed to take 50% of the overall vote in Ton and Malling. Now it doesn't take a genius to work out that, if you add together the Labour and the Lib Dem votes from 2005 then you have a much closer result; in fact 43.4% as a combined share of the vote versus the Cons 52.9%. I also think I'm correct in saying that there was quite a swing to the Tories in the last election so the previous results were probably much closer. It's a very similar scenario when you look at the results for Tunbridge Wells in 2005 only this time the Lib Dems have a bigger share than Labour. But the important thing is that the two combined would be very much more serious contenders. Now admittedly this all does rather assume that, if the two parties were to combine forces in certain constituencies, as has been suggested in some quarters, then all the Lib Dem votes would go to Labour and vice versa but, nevertheless, perhaps Tonbridge and Tunbridge Wells aren't quite as True Blue as is often made out to be the case....

Local art....

Where can you see local art in Tonbridge? I only say this because I've just had an interesting conversation with an artist in my shop and we got talking about what inspires an artist to draw or paint or take photos. She came in looking for some books which would strike a chord or spark something off. In Mr. Books I've always displayed a small selection of work of local artists and at the moment there's a very eye-catching and unusual limited print by Christine Highland of an abstract map of Tonbridge town centre (or at least inspired by a map of the centre- you know how these arty types think!) I rather like it and I'm thinking of buying the original from her to have on my wall at home. Other places that I know of where they regularly hold exhibitions of local art are the Castle, in the old council chamber room; below the castle there's the annual Art on the Railings which is exactly what it says with very varied work displayed along the river and organised by local group the Platonic Artists. Then there are the more unusual venues such as Retro 66 barbers who show the work from the girls of Hillview school quite often. In fact I believe they have an exhibiton of Sixties-inspired art coming up either this weekend or next. There's also that pine furniture and framers shop, Arcadia, on Quarry Hill Parade who display some rather nice abstract art by Wendy Asprey among others; and I think that Antonias may still have some abstract work on their walls which is also for sale. There must be other places....

Speak up please....

Oh dear the Tonbridge Civic Society talk last night promised much with an architect speaking about his specialist subject of the history of Wealden building. The content was very detailed and the pictures of houses around the Weald of Kent and Sussex made me drool with envy. But I'm afraid that at least half the audience, from about half way back in the room, were straining their ears to hear very much at all. They don't hold back those elderly, usually genteel folk, of the TCS; when speaker Stephen Langer began in a seated position about half a dozen shouted out in unison, "We can't hear you, can you speak up please!" and "It might help if you stood up!" In fact the Chairman had to intervene to politely explain the problem to our guest speaker. Fair enough I say because, if you rush to get to the meeting, often after a hastily eaten dinner, and you're interested in the topic enough to make the effort, as over a hundred people had, then the least you can expect is to be able to hear the speaker. If you have a very good speaker who can project their voice in a theatrical manner then no problem, they'll be heard however loud the air conditioning is at the back of the Riverside Suite of the Angel Centre; but we can't all be Brian Blessed so for heaven's sake make a microphone standard for every talk. The content of the talk was actually very detailed and interesting and Stephen spoke with great authority about many of the traditional building techniques which had been passed down to us since medieval days and before. Techniques which his company have actually used in reconstruction on many projects around the region. But I'm afraid, what most people would have taken away from the night was that they couldn't hear much, which is a shame....

Free car parks....

With the cost of parking becoming a contentitious issue TonbridgeBlog asks where are all the free parking slots these days. We ought to draw up a visitors guide to parking for cheapskates. More likely we'd want to keep them all for ourselves but let's have a go anyway. I'll start the ball rolling and say that, if you don't mind a short walk through Mill Crescent and the parish churchyard, you can park for free all day in the Homebase car park. Or B&Q/Halfords and walk along the tow path past the gas station and town lock, coming out right in the centre of town at the big bridge. There are others on the fringes of the town, like near the old Star and Garter junction, any others?...

Architectural talk tonight anyone?...

Don't forget that there's a talk on Architecture in the Weald of Kent and Sussex hosted by the Tonbridge Civic Society this evening at the Angel Centre. They have some very good and, admittedly one or two mediocre, speakers at their talks; this time it's the turn of Stephen Langer, who's an architect so ought to know what he's on about. This is the last proper talk of the society's season so let's hope it's a good one. Next month the Design Awards will take place at Somerhill House, which is always a lovely evening with some rather nice grub and then it's the AGM and summer event. So if you want a feel of how the society operates then get yourself along tonight. Non members are welcome, although these days there's a charge of £2 (I think) so you may as well join for the whole year which only costs £7. See you there for a 7-30 for 8pm start, or maybe not....

Order, Order....

Now one or two of the comments on TonbridgeBlog have become a little rude, a little threatening and a wee bit too personal. So, at the risk of the blog administrators closing the site down, which I know that not many of you would like, I've had to introduce something which I've always resisted in the four years or so that TBlog has been running: comment moderation; that is to say that I now have to view each commnent before it's actually published, at least for the time being. So when those few bloggers who have been getting a bit carried away with themselves, have calmed down then the facility will be lifted again. I really don't want to use comment moderation because it tends to mean that the blog loses it's immediacy which, after all is part of the point of it. What issue has prompted this action being taken? Is it the great political debate in the run up to a close fought general election? Is it some timeless, unanswered philosophical issue? Is it Christianity versus the other religions of the world that has got their goat? Football even? No it's a book shop closure and a charity shop opening! As the new Speaker of the House of Commons might say: everyone just needs to calm down, I'm worried about you!...

Safe Sir John....

Only one comment on the Politics post! What's going on? Don't you know that there's a general election looming? Are you all so set in your ways that there's no need for a debate? Has Sir John Stanley got one of the safest seats in the country, or will the Lib Dems give him a run for his money. Isn't it time for a change in Tonbridge (and don't forget Malling) just like it might be in the country as a whole. Not wishing to be ageist but he must be knocking on a bit now anyway....

A final word about John Adams bookshop....

I see that the Courier published my letter in today's issue but, because I know that most of you hate parting with the 65p that the paper costs, here it is in full (the paper actually edited it down and missed one or two bits out for some reason, I can't think why!) I wrote it, not to dig up dirt and cause a stir because I've got nothing better to do, but because I didn't want to be tarred with the same brush as Douglas Jeffers and I wanted Tonbridge to know where I stand on the subject of Oxfam books. This really is the last thing I'm ever going to say on the subject.... probably....

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing when I read that Douglas Jeffers, the owner of My Back Pages, formerly John Adams bookshop, was apparently being driven out by Oxfam books. Mr Jeffers is on a very sticky wicket when he argues his case for unfair competition of a charity like Oxfam pushing him out; surely this is just face-saving on his part; his business was dying anyway so you might say he is dressing his grave.
As the owner of Mr. Books in Bank Street, Tonbridge I have watched John Adams having four "Store Closing" sales within the space of a year-and-a-half each time deciding, presumably at the last minute, to stay open to serve the good people of Tonbridge! I opened my shop nearly five years ago to the day on the basis that it would complement John Adams who, at the time, only sold exclusively brand new books, so my business strategy was to sell mainly rare and secondhand books; that was written into my business plan. Further down the line John Adams began selling some secondhand books, and, more recently, purely secondhand books. Then he has the nerve to complain about competition in the town. What is actually wrong with competition anyway? If you ask me it sharpens businesses up, who would otherwise become set in their ways and would operate a lazy, shoddy service. My shop has only succeeded, being tucked away in the almost forgotten old part of the town centre, because I go out of my way to provide this service; in so doing I attract book collectors from all over the South East and, increasingly, from beyond. I might also add that I have revived the dormant Tonbridge Book Fair after a 20 year absense and organised poetry nights and other literary events in the town; Mr. Jeffers has done none of this as far as I'm aware and why would he since he lives in London and not in the community he claims to care about. Yes Oxfam Books opening in Tonbridge gives me cause for concern but if I had to do one of those SWAT analyses they would be a threat, but also an opportunity. In fact I've already agreed to donate around 1,000 books to them, books which have done the rounds in my shop and are now sitting, clogging up my storage and will otherwise probably never see the light of day again. So good luck to Oxfam, they are a wonderful charity and I'm sure that Tonbridge will manage just fine without Mr. Jeffers warped sense of business logic."

Does that make my position clear enough?...

Politics politics and more politics....

Not normally being one to talk about politics on this blog TonbridgeBlog will break with that unwritten convention since we are in the run up to the closest fought general election since John Major beat Kinnock back in the early 1990s. So let's hear your views. How do the people of Tonbridge decide on their vote. Is it just merely blindly following what you've always done, how your parents probably voted. Are you just true blue and proud or are you a floating voter? In which case what will sway your vote? Please don't say that you never vote because they are all the same and in any case what can my vote change? People died for the right to have that vote so go out on May 6th (or whenever) and use it. Let's have a sensible view from Tonbridge voters from each persausion; the case for each main party and maybe some of the fringe parties. There are links to most of them in the left hand column if you want to find out more. As for which way I'm voting, I'll leave you all guessing on that one for now....

What a heel....

Being a bit of a poetry fan TonbridgeBlog was particularly amused, entertained and somewhat surprised that Poet Laureate, Carol Ann Duffy felt moved enough to write about David Beckham's achilles heel. Who says poetry can't reach out to a mass audience?! Here it is as published in the Mirror today:

Achilles (for David Beckham)
Myth's river- where his mother dipped him, fished him, a slippery
golden boy flowed on, his name on its lips. Without him, it was
prophesised, they would not take Troy.

Women hid him, concealed him in girls' sarongs; days of sweetmeats,
spices, silver songs...
but when Odysseus came,

with an athlete's build, a sword and a shield, he followed him to the
battlefield, the crowd's roar,
and it was sport, not war,

his charmed foot on the ball...

but then his heel, his heel, his heel...

Where you bin this week?!..

If you are wondering, as I had been, where all the rubbish bins in the town centre had gone I can exclusively reveal the answer. I thought that the council were about to waste (geddit) a load of cash on new bins when the old ones, with their specially designed cigarette stubber-outers on the top, were perfectly adequate. But no; I have it on good authority, namely the two blokes in high viz jackets reinstalling the one at the Bank Street/High Street corner, that they had been removed due to the security threat posed by the militry top brass Tonbridgeblog referred to in an earlier post regarding the Tonbridge School hosted CCF annivesary event (scroll down if you don't believe me!) I kid you not and you'd think this story were a load of old rubbish (another pun) but if that's the price of freedom then so be it....

Like a lamb to the slaughter....

I loved the story in the Courier today about the Primary School in Folkstone who had the bright idea about teaching their pupils a harsh lesson in reality. They reared a lamb at the school and told them that, when the fluffy animal was old enough, (and presumably fat enough) it would be sent to the slaughter house. Not only that but children and parents would then benefit by being able to buy the choicest cuts of Marcus (yes they even gave him a name) when they were returned from the abbatoir. Whatever you may think about this it apparently resulted in the Head Teacher having to resign, such was the public out cry over the poor lamb. It wasn't just confined to a local campaign either; Paul O'Grady, who used to be known as Lily Savage, proved that he (of is it she) was a big old softy and led a radio campaign to stop Marcus from going under the chopper. By all accounts this was a little severe as The Head appears to have given the children the choice of keeping the lamb as a pet, the children, presumably, opting to vote with their bellies rather than their hearts! I always find lamb a bit too fatty I don't know what you think....

What was wrong with the horse drawn carriage anyway?!..

With the announcement of a new HSR network, that's short for High Speed Rail, by Lord Adonis in parliament today we'll all soon be able to slip up to Manchester in a matter of minutes, Birmingham in a few seconds and Canary Wharf in a nano second! Do we actually want all this at a huge cost to the nation? Is it necessary and vital for Britain's infrastructure in the 21st Century to be able to travel at 250 light years a second? Will it signal the beginning of the end for the motor car after all those billions spent on our roads? Surely not, surely we love our independence too much. Should we, after all, have listened to the likes of John Betjeman and kept all those branch lines, closed in the 1960s and now mostly low speed, but very picturesque, cycle routes? I dunno, life just seems to keep going round and round as each generation of politicians have different ideas and then, in turn, ideas which are remarkably similar to those of previous generations. One of the HSR links I think will be from the Chunnel to Stratford/Canary Wharf so how will this effect sleepy old Tonbridge? Any thoughts anyone?...

The Head of the British Army? Here in Tonbridge....

Apparently the Head Honcho of the British Army was in town today. That's the top man himself who we all know is called, oh now what's his name? Is it still Sir Richard Dannatt or has General David Richards taken over yet? That is according to my inside sources, namely a burly looking copper, who'd been drafted in for the occasion, who happened to walk into my bookshop. No doubt he was checking for explosive devices amongst the true crime section! Only just now, a few minutes ago, and much to the annoyance of those Tonbridge workers who'd tried to make a quick getaway from their offices to be home in time for the Six o'Clock news, who found themselves sitting in their cars for 15 minutes while a parade of young boys playing soldiers marched by. Actually I was quite impressed with the whole thing: never in Tonbridge has so much been owed by so.... (now stop that nonesense, Ed.) I didn't hear the Red Arrows flying over, as had been rumoured, nor the Apache Helicopter for that matter but, nevertheless, it's not every day we see such a show of military mites in the town! (That's a play on words in case you didn't geddit)....

Military mites in Tonbridge....

Don't be alarmed this afternoon if you are suddenly rudely awoken from your post lunch semi comatosed state by a Chinook helicopter overhead. The Taliban haven't invaded; it'll just be the CCF open day at Tonbridge School with a huge schoolboy show of force from many of the schools in the district. I think I'm also right in saying that there could be a Red Arrows fly past. Remember to duck!...

Get your knocked off cameras 'ere!...

Nothing at all to do with Tonbridge really but could appeal to everyone in the town. The Telegraph has a least of useful money saving web sites such as price comparison and auction sites. My favourite from briefly scanning them is an auction site for unclaimed stolen property handed in to Police stations. Now why didn't I think of that!...

Bring back the Tonbridge Fair on October 12th....

On a table in the front of an 1840s map of Kent I've just looked at it shows the various towns' market days and fair days. It seems that Tonbridge, obviously spelt "Tunbridge" on this map, had markets on Fridays and a fair on October 12th. I wonder what these long forgotten fairs were like, surely nothing like the carnivals and fetes we now look upon every Summer. I'd love to be transported back in time to those traditional times (only for a couple of days though mind; I couldn't do without me laptop and flat screen TV for too long!)

The annual 11+ lottery....

I'm glad that I don't have to go through the annual schools lottery again, I hope I never have to and pity any parents going through it now. It really is one of the most stressful times in a parent's life if you care about your kids futures. Every year in Kent and several other counties up and down the country we have the dubious necessity of the 11+ exams, which occupy far too much importance to children, and their parents, in years 5 and 6. Many children are taken out of their state primary for the final year and placed at a private school or else they're crammed to bursting point with pervious 11+ papers by private tutors. Then we have the agonising wait for results, the exaltation of passing or the despair of failing (they don't call it failing anymore but that's how the children feel.) As if that weren't enough children and their mums and dads then have the anguish over whether or not they can get into their first choice school or, in a significant number of cases whether they get into any of their choices of school. TonbridgeBlog would then ask the question of whether the grammar schools of Tonbridge are being fair to the people, particularly the children, of the town by being so selective in which children they choose. For instance should they allow children with better 11+ scores to be admitted, not only from outside the borough of Tonbridge and Malling but also from out of county? It's not so bad for the girls of the town, they have an excellent comprehensive in Hillview and a great not so selective grammar in Weald of Kent, so they are nearly always guaranteed a place. As for the boys unless they achieve very high, and I mean almost perfect, scores in their 11+ exams, they won't get into Judd School, which is the only boys grammar in the town. So unless their parents can afford the fees of Tonbridge or Sackville they won't go to school in their town. Instead they'll get the bus up to either Skinners or Tunbridge Wells Boys, or their mums will help to clog up the roads by dropping them off, or they'll risk life and limb biking to school along the A26 and that car park they call St. Johns Road. Great schools but where's the logic in all this? Is it just a never ending spiral of schools having to achieve ever better scores than previous years and therefore not daring to be fairer and change their selection criteria. Isn't it time for an adjustment in Tonbridge so that more, particularly boys, can go to grammar school in their own town. I don't suppose that Judd would publish such information but I for one would like to know just what the percentage of boys at the school actually live in the town, in the borough and in the county. Can we have those figures please?....

You finish the story....

What's new in Tonbridge this week? Nothing much to report; as they say in media circles: a bit of a slow news week! We all await Spring to bring an end to this long cold dark and dreary winter. The park is flooded, but then that's nothing new. The traffic is quite bad through the High Street, but then that's also nothing new. The traffic wardens/parking attendants/civil enforcement officers are still booking cars in the car parks instead of keeping the main roads unblocked and that's certainly not new. The yoofs are still skateboarding around the Sainsbury's car park instead of staying at home reading and doing their homework, but then haven't teenagers always done that? The charity shops are still taking up all the vacant shop units (how do they afford it?) There's still no coherent plan for the town centre (or at least not one that's likely to be actioned any time soon) Work on the A21 extension to Longfield Road still hasn't started. The shop unit on the corner of Church Lane is still boarded up after at least 8 years that I know about, the ridiculous tubs that someone thought would be a good idea to plonk on the corner of Bank Street and plant some tiny trees in are still there despite the fact that the trees have been snapped off for over a year. So nothing really is new in Tonbridge this week. When suddenly.....