Does "the council" read Tonbridge blog?...

Coincidence it may be but credit where it's due. The weedy excuses have stopped and the weeds beneath the trees at the corner of Bank Street and High Street have been dug up. Only three days after Tonbridge blog launched its mini-campaign for better coordination between "the councils." Please don't stop there though council: can we now have street lamps that actually light up at night (there are around half a dozen out in the N end of the High Street) buildings that have been boarded up for more than a year compulsorily purchased or at least extreme pressure put on the owners to do something with them, and while we're about it car park stickers which stick to the wind screen instead of flimsy things which blow off the dash board onto the floor resulting in unjust fines for unsuspecting motorists.Better still let's get rid of Traffic Wardens- sorry "Parking Attendants" sorry " Civil Enforcement Officers" altogether (OK that's not going to happen is it!) Any other suggestions?....

Really weedy excuses....

Now I'm no gardener or tree expert but I'd hazard a guess that a jungle of weeds growing around the roots of a young whip would not do much to enhance growth! The trees on the corner of Bank Street and the High Street are a disgrace. There can be no doubting that. They don't look nice, in fact they look terrible. Worse though is that they typify what's wrong with "the council." Tonbridge blog has highlighted this problem before and the main problem seems to be that there is no "the council." What we have is a clutch of departments, leisure, conservation area buildings, planning, engineering, safety etc etc. You would have thought that you'd be able to, with a few phone calls, identify which of these departments would be responsible for a couple of trees in hideous containers which were put there to replace two perfectly sound mature trees which were there before these pathetic specimens appeared. But oh no! because, apparently, trees on the pavement and especially if they are moveable pieces of "street furniture" fall into Highways Department's juristriction and guess what? That isn't even anything to do with good old Tonbridge and Malling Borough Council; that down to KCC. That is to say Kent County Council. Just like schools, libraries and roads, this is someone else's fault and definitely not TMBC's. Good so what happens now that we know who's fault they are? The trees at the corner of Bank Street, I'm convinced are really just the tip of a very large ice berg, the fact that they haven't been weeded for a year, when they badly need it, is for me a minor annoyance. The reasons behind why they haven't I find intensely irritating. If we want to be taken seriously as a tourist town, or town in which we're proud to live and work, we ought to be able to sort out a couple of trees without all these weedy excuses....

Curved balls....

"Good wood 'arry!" "Your end Pete!" These were some of the cries I remember being shouted as a lad as I caught a glimpse of the world of bowls over the fence at my local park. No not bowling. Bowls. Proper bowls, not the American ten pin variety which most youngsters now play with such enthusiasm. The type you do on a green which has been kept like a snooker baize, by a faithful semi-retired groundsman, so that old men and ladies can skilfully curve their woods into the jack (small white ball) Well why should it be just for oldies when actually its an immensely enjoyable and skilful game and can be highly competitive, but is usually wonderfully gentle. Most importantly of all, it gets you out the house and into the great outdoors. In fact I remember playing the game as a ten or eleven year old with other kids from my neighbourhood; I grew up in a seaside resort right near some beautifully kept greens. I wouldn't say that I'd become an expert but was able to play with a degree of competence; anyway life took over and I can't remember playing for at least twenty years. Tonbridge Bowls club, who are based at Tonbridge Farm, and have a history going back to 1906, is keen to encourage more people to try out the sport, or is it a pastime, or is it a game (who cares it's good fun and moderately energetic) and why shouldn't you. They have "roll ups" on Thursday evenings throughout the Summer, I think that means try-out sessions rather than sitting on the side lines rolling tobacco into cigarette papers (although I dare say some members do that as well!). Check out the club's web site for more details. Now do any other clubs want a free advert before Tonbridge blog starts charging for them?...

Catch Hay fever....

Hay on Wye Literary Festival is on right now until Sunday or Monday so if you fancy overdosing on culture then get yourself over there now. I believe they have over 500 authors, from every corner of the world, booked to appear. Everywhere you look, in the marquees, restaurants, cafes and in the town itself, there's a famous actor, poet, commedian or writer. Oh and there are 40 secondgand bookshops there as well! It really is heaven on earth if you like that sort of thing. Unfortunately I can't make it there this year for various reasons I won't go into, so that's one less person to compete with as far as accomodation goes. Be prepared to rough it in the car if necessary, but even then it would be worth the trip, I promise you....

Odd mods clash with Rockers in Tonbridge High Street....

This was the scene last Sunday when the Old Bill were forced to intervene as the aptly-named Odd Mod Squad clashed with a gang of Rockers outside Retro 66 Barbers in Tonbridge High Street last Sunday in a flashback to the 1960s violent altercations along Brighton Seafront! Or at least you would have been forgiven for thinking that. Actually what happened was that motorists passing by couldn't help stopping to view some of the lovelist pieces of tin this side of Turin which had gathered for a scooter club outing. Traffic was held up for all of two minutes, which apparently caused an "angry" motorist to nearly lose himself with road rage and call the police. (Obviously this guy had listened to Teddy Boy Rock n Roll bands and not The Who and the Small Faces in his youth!) The close circuit, Big Brother, cameras picked them up and the boys in blue were there in the time it takes to pull on a parka coat with a target on the back and adjust your spare wing mirror. Despite the slight hold up of traffic there was, I'm told, good humour all around as the scooter club were given ten minutes "to disappear", which they eventually did; but only round the corner as far as the Ivy House beer garden. There is no truth in the rumour that one of the police officers was heard to remark, in echoes of the film Quadraphenia, "What's wrong 'as yer mavva's 'airdrier broken daan?" The scooter nutters actually have a great web site if you want to see more piccies and stuff....

Angel of the South....

Peter York, the retiring Chairman of the Tonbridge Civic Society was presented with this beautiful sculpture by Ev Meynell at the society’s AGM earlier this week. One wit at the meeting remarked that it looks like a mini Angel of the South! Quite appropriate really being as we were in the Angel Centre at the time. Tonbridge blog thought that in actual fact the piece was far more beautiful and subtle than that; in fact I want one as well! Maybe I'll have to become Chairman in a couple of years after the new man, Peter Charlton, has become bored of it. If I serve for maybe fifteen years or so (instead of Mr. York's 33!) then just maybe they'll award me with something similar. Although knowing my luck they'll probably raise about enough to buy a candelabra from Wax Lyrical!...

Life begins at Forty (six)....

The FORTY SIX steps
Forty six ways to lose your lover
Forty six steps beyond
46 deadly sins
46 Pillars of Wisdom
Only, 46 hours to....
What a Difference a Day Makes....46 little hours
46 Below Zero
The Secret of Life the Universe and Everything (Number 46)
Joe 46
Space 1946
Blakes 46
46 Men in a Boat
The 46th Lamentation by William Brodrick
1446 by Gavin Menzies
Plead the 46th Amendment
46 Fahrenheit
Biggles of the 46th Squadron
46th Night (Shakespeare)
46 Charing Cross Road
1046 And all that!
The 46th Parallel
2046 Space Odyssey
46 Nights With You (Elvis Presley)
1946 By George Orwell
1946 By James Blunt
Now there are 46 Steps to Heaven
Clickety Click 46 (Bingo Call)
46th Heaven
Five...46 Pick up sticks, seven eight open the gate....
World War II 1939-1946
The Arab Israeli conflict (Palestine 1946)
Revolution #46 by The Beatles
Booby Moore, Bobby Charlton lift the World Cup, 1946
Fortysextraphenia by The Who
The 46 Seas of Rye
2 4 46 8, Never Too Late (Tom Whatisface)
Number 46 Downing Street (Prime Minister)
Number 46 Downing Street (Chancellor of the Exchequer)
46 Bank Street (Mr. Books Bookshop)
XXXXIV
The Hollow by Agatha Christie (Published in1946)
Crime in Cabin 46 also by Agatha Christie (Also published in 1946
1962 (46 Years ago)
46 Red Balloons Go By
Life begins at Forty (six)... not that I'm obsessed with the number 46 this week or anything....

The Bluewater birthday blues....

Blue skies yesterday morning, it's my day off, it's nearly my birthday so what better day for a trip to Bluewater shopping centre. I allowed myself five hours to basically have a good browse and buy a few essential things. I wanted a decent pair of what I would call summer-weight jeans. I like wearing jeans and I don't spend money on suits, shirts and ties anymore so I thought maybe Hugo Boss or Ted Baker, Diesel something a bit nicer to wear than Gap or the usual predictable Levi's. Now I thought that being a 38 waist and 32 leg wouldn't be too difficult a thing to obtain in a place the size of Bluewater. I went in the Boss shop first only to be served by an incredibly gay guy of a simlar age to me; now I'm no homophobe but the idea of taking off my trousers several times within a few inches of this man who referred to me, old school-style, as "the gentleman" did worry me slightly I have to admit and it did remind me rather of those characters in the Fast Show with the catch phrase "Ooh, Suits you sir!", then I went in House of Fraser, on to the Ted Baker shop, River Island, Diesel, French Connection, the new Bench store, yes and I even tried Gap and Marks and Spencer in desperation. I reminded myself of my parents who refused to go in those fashion shops which played loud music as I strained to hear the sales assistants as they advised me to "try on a pair of thirty sixes mate, they come up big sometimes..." I actually walked out of one shop, because I just couldn't stand the thumping beat, imagining my mother's "turn that racket down" ringing in my ears. By 1 o' clock I was getting worried. I'd had no lunch, I had nothing to show for my three hours of trundling around the giant two-level triangle. I must have been in thirty shops, looked at 400 pairs of jeans only to discover that I was a freak and that I should be a size 32/34 if I wanted the proper stuff to fit. I couldn't even find a decent sports shop that sold a running vest that would A fit and B not cost over £30 and C didn't have a Nike trade-marked swoosh on it. (How is it possible to trade mark a tick anyway?!) I decided that I have to get down to at least a 36/32 in time for my next Bluewater trip if I'm to stand any chance of getting those jeans before the end of the summer, either that or go back in time 15 (oh alright 20) years. There I was with about £200 burning a hole in my pocket, desparate to be spent, I wanted to give it to a grateful shop assistant and be pleased with the goods I'd handed over the cash for; but by 2-15 I just knew that it was going to be my unlucky day. On my way out via John Lewis I panicked and bought some pasta bowls just to have something to show for my half a day shopping trip. (Actually they were very good value at twenty quid for a set of four plus a large serving bowl and I did sort of need them.) I had to be back in Tonbridge by 3-30 and had no time to loose, so off I went to the car park, carrying my pasta bowl set, feeling every one of my forty six years, feeling frustrated and annoyed that the mighty Bluewater couldn't satisfy my urge to spend some hard earned lolly....

A Mark-shaped hole in the Universe....

I'm reading The God of Small Things, by Arundhati Roy at the moment and I wouldn't say that so far (p.119) that its the best book I've ever read; but there was a nice image painted on one page I've just read. It refers to Joe having been killed in a car crash and that there is now "....a Joe-shaped hole in the Universe...." Without wishing to be preachy, or morbid or anything like that I wondered for a moment if there'd be a Me-shaped hole in the Universe when I'm gone. Maybe in the shape of an old book or something! Probably not. Just a thought, what are we all here for and all that?....

A Life of Rhyme....

I read a really uplifting poetry book this morning given to me by a guy who wandered into my shop to see if I'd take them on sale or return. I get quite a few of these requests and not all of them are up to much. I liked this one though; A Life of Rhyme, by Neal Towner, is essentially a life story in brief and in rhyme. It begins by talking about a baby having his nappy changed and swifting moves through early childhood, schooldays, youth, first lads holiday, meeting the girl, getting married, having kids, getting stressed out, kids growing up, moving to a cottage in the country and present day (sound familiar?) Much of it is fairly frivolous, funny and uplifting and also there is some quite moving and deeper stuff mixed in. I liked it, so thanks Neal if you are out there (although he's probably not cos he said that he didn't have the internet, which is probably why he has the time to write poems instead of, like the rest of us becoming obsessed and consumed by this electric box which is slowly taking over out lives!) Anyway don't be tight, help a struggling, aspiring local poet and buy a copy. It probably took Mr. Towner a lifetime to think about, mull over and eventually commit to pen and paper, considerable time and expense to get it published and printed, time and effort to distribute the thing to retailers (who will only take it on sale or return) and all you have to do is walk into a bookshop, mine preferably, and fork out £5.95....

Roll on Summer....

Cheer up, I know it's raining and a whole 13 degrees c colder than the same time last week (according to the weatherman on last night's news. But we're still here, still alive and (most of us) well. Summer holidays are almost upon us, bright skies, clear blue seas, ships going to exotic destinations floating by in the distance; ah yes Cleethorpes again this year!...

Scooters to invade Tonbridge High Street....

Watch out for an invasion of 1960s Lambrettas and Vespa scooters this weekend as scooter clubs descend on Tonbridge High Street. The event, if you can call it an event, it certainly looks set to be eventful, has been arranged by Retro 66 barbers, who have a Vespa in their window, which attracted one of the club members in to have his barnet chopped (1960s style of course!) Let's hope that the Rockers don't get wind of it otherwise we could have Brighton 1967 on our hands all over again. Running battles between Mods and Rockers down the street, on the sea front, scuffles with the law, ice cream, getting hit over the head with a bike chain, Quadrophenia, a knee trembler with a young and attractive Lesley Ash down an alley way just away from the violent scenes developing nearby as the Ace Face (Sting) gets thrown into the back of a Black Maria....Marvelous days I hear some of you quietly saying to yourselves!

Out of the Dark Ages....

The Tonbridge Historical Society website is worth a gander; I'm not sure how long it's been around, whether it's fairly new, or, God forbid, did I miss it? There seem to be some good piccies of the town as well as some good stuff about its history of the town and it's people and businesses. I would say from the fact that the site's Tonbridge People page contains only 3 entries suggests that it is still in the early stages of being built because I'm pretty sure that there are at least twenty fairly famous folk with links to the town. The Jane Austen one seems to be a little tenuous since, as they state on the site, there is no evidence whatsoever that she ever actually came here, despite having relatives from the area. Anyway it's good to see that the society, which, maybe understandably, has a rather crusty and fuddy duddy image, has finally wrenched itself out of the Dark Ages and into the Twenty First Century....

Twenty times a day for Twenty Years!...

One of the highlights of the Tonbridge Garden and Home Show at the weekend, especially if, like me, you're not that much into bedding plants and shrubs, was the demonstration of a food blender. Don't mock, yes you had to be there to appreciate what I'm talking about, but it was quite a performance by the young(ish) couple from the American company. The lady demonstrator could have, and probably is, on one of those dreadful shopping channels where they mix a great patter with subtle and sometimes damned right blantant sales messages. She made fantastic juice mixes, wonderful hot soup, refreshing smoothies, and ice cold ice cream all from lovely fresh ingredients, including the stalks of grapes (full of nutrients we normally disgard) she used the core of pinapples (full of antioxidants or something) and even put some carrot and cabbage (yes really) into the ice cream (more goodness) Everything was so mushed up in the end all that was left were very subtle tastes and none of the texture that would put you off eating it. I marvelled at their salesmanship, although did sense a little that they were doing the demo for the 100th time that day (and they probably were) I wanted one of these machines by the end of the demo, I wanted to enjoy the simplicity of this light commercial quality supa duper blender, mixers, maker of lovely drinks. I wanted to take advantage of its "one second clean" switch, I wanted its ability to be used "twenty times a day for twenty years" (although curiously they only offered a five year guarantee!) I was impressed and would have had one, it should have been mine but oh yeah, did I forget to mention the price? £450 in crome finish (only available at the show) £399 in black or red, £379 special show price in white. I saw at least three people actually buying one but I think I'll stick to the odd Innocent Smoothy treat for now but thanks for the free samples and the very entertaining demo....

Who'd be a bookseller....

Well I hope you all enjoyed the sunshine over the bank hoiliday weekend. On Saturday I was stuck in my bookshop all day, and on Sunday I had, in a mad moment agreed to do the Tonbridge Garden and Home Show. When I say do, what I mean is, I'd booked a table at the event; this was an experiment and one which was going to cost me my Sunday off (for the second week in a row) and the not inconsiderable sum of £61.10, being the fee for stall for one day and the hire of a tressle table. I did get some valueable advertising to an audience which I would estimate to have been around 1,500 people. Alot more than the average book fair, but nowhere near the 16,000 across three days which the organisers claim on their web site. They let me put my board up on the Saturday and my delivery bike with its advertising sign near the entrance. I put a great deal of thought into what books to take: gardening (well duh!) also craft, woodwork, country pursuits, natural history, art, birds, butterflies; right down to which ladybird childrens books such as Mr. Pepper and Mr. Peach. I was given quite a big pitch, bigger than I'm used to at book fairs, but hey it was outside (well in a marquee actually) I took aprox 500 books with me. I had to consider the logistics of getting books across a soggy field (no cars were allowed on the site itself due to the rain in previous weeks) and also of preventing the heavy book shelves sinking into the mug. I managed all this and feeling rather pleased with myself was ready to start trading by the opening time of 9-30am. I managed to sell only 24 books to a total value of £93. The quick witted among you will say that that's not worth a days work, especially if you consider the cost of the pitch, petrol getting there, lunch and drinks. In fact my son (who was helping me) ended up with more than I did, which wasn't that difficult. But I did make many contacts which may lead to future sales, I may even have made a few friends amongst the other traders which can't be that bad either. It's hard to put a price on advertising and good will but that must have been worth half the stall fee at least. Will I do it again next year? Probably unless I need a day off more than I need to earn ten quid....

We must stop meeting like this....

Sorry for name dropping but I've just bumped into the Mayor Anne Kemp and her (Consort) husband. Recently it was at the Civic Soc. Awards Dinner and just now at the Tonbridge Garden Show on the park. I think she was there to officially open the event not just to buy a few shrubs like the rest of us. Anyway this year there'll be a special reason to visit the show (on Sunday at any rate) I'll be there. Stand M39 if you want to buy a gardening book, or craft book, or local history book, or show jumping book.... what books should you take to a Garden and home show anyway, I'm used to book fairs. I hope my book shelves don't sink into the mud too early in the day!...

Aufweidesen pet....

As mentioned in a previous posting I had a German boy "Tino" staying with my family this week as part one of my son's school exchange visit. (or should that be sons, or sons' see apostrophe postings) It's been interesting but to be honest I've hardly seen him. The German group have been off to London (twice), Brighton, The Pantiles, I think they spent one half day in lessons. Sounds like a complete jolly to me! We did have a sunny day earlier in the week when we played basketball, juggling and football in my back garden. Tino it seems is an exceptionally good footballer, in fact I think he said that he was transferred for a fee to another club near his home town and trains 4 times a week! Do we do that here with 15 year olds? His party trick was ball juggling, ending up with the ball perched on the back of his neck and then, get this, he removed his T shirt completely whilst keeping the ball balanced on his neck. I was impressed anyway! I think I'll stick to watching it on the telly. This session did end up with a 'friendly' game in the garden my son and Tino versus my daughter and me, with a very small goal to make up for the lack of space in the garden, calling for some really good close control, which neither my daughter or myself had. We played that for a bit, and then Tino suggested that it should be him versus my family, in other words, 3 against one, although, it has to be said, my daughter was keener on playing on the climbing frame! He seemed confident as he went one nil up in the match which he'd called as the first to three. Then, I'm sorry for sharing this with you in a way, I'm almost ashamed to admit it but the competitive instincts kicked in, and 1966 and all that sprang to mind as I stepped up to the challenge. It had become England vs Germany! I couldn't help myself. England we managed a 3:2 victory (shame it couldn't have been 4:2 I hear some of you say. Geoff Hurst would have been proud of us!) I swear that Tino, a really lovely polite lad, went into a bit of a sulk after that; me raising my arms in victory maybe was a little over the top I'll grant you. Then last night we planned a farewell supper for him, but since I had to be somewhere at 8pm the lads were under strict instructions to be back early so that we could all eat together. The call came at around 6 that they had just arrived at the bowling alley and were just about to start a game! So that put paid to the farewell dinner. Tino threw his cloths around the room, left food in his draw, didn't unpack his bag all week, took ages in the bathroom in the morning, lounged around in bed at the weekend and do you know what I concluded by the end of the week? He's German yes, but above all else HE'S A TEENAGER just like my son. Anyway I saw him off this morning and I'll miss him, he's welcome to come back any time and he's promised to send me a ticket to the European Champions League final when he's playing for Bayern Munich or Man United in a few years time....

Who need's ones' apostrophes'....

After last nights' excellent episode of The Aprentice there'as been much debate today about the use of the good old a'postrophe. Apparently the use thereof is a'lot more flexible than you may 'of' thought! The debate on the programme was whether the new celebration day they'had created for unattached people should be Single's Day, Singles' Day, Singles Day of just avoid the problem altogether and call it Single Day. Then we are on to whether it's Mother's Day of Mothers' Day, whether its' a Visitors' Book you sign or a Visitors Book (no apostrophe) Should we care or should not we? As one bright spark on the Radio 5 Live phone in programme pointed out there isnot one on mobile phone text symbol menu's, so ther'fore it's' day's r doomed @ any r8! So s'' it!...

Paul Watson BAFTA winner of Tonbridge....

Excuse my ignorance but I knew very little of documentary film maker Paul Watson, let alone the fact that he lives in central Tonbridge. He's won a special award at this year's ceremony and, in the words of regular T blogger Mike, he is "The Father of Fly" (that's on the wall documentaries to the uninformed among you, me included!) Apparently he has been nominated at least 8 times in previous BAFTAs before eventually coming up trumps this year. I'm looking forward to meeting him at tonight's POETRY AT THE IVY; perhaps he's written one or two verses about his experiences with The Family back in the 1970s. If not he can just nip in for a pint or two and listen to me babble on....