Talk amongst yourselves for a bit...

Holiday reads....

Now I don't want Tonbridge Bloggers to go thinking that TBlog has turned into a beer blog so let's talk books. Holiday books, books for the beach, flight, hotels room or wherever else you find yourselves relaxing in August. I am putting my little pile together which includes The Siege Of Krishnapur by JG Farrell and, this year's Booker Prize winner, Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel. I'm reliably informed by several customers of Mr. Books that they are both well worth a read. I'm working on a third book to read and would welcome any suggestions. It's odd, being a bookseller who is surrounded by books every day that I actually don't get tha much time to read novels any more. I tend to read books that just take my fancy, be it a local interest book or a military history book, and that I can just dip into and not necessarily read the whole thing in one go. So every year, about this time I make a point of reading novels which I just wouldn't get around to reading any other time....

The quest for Tonbridge Blonde Ambition goes on....

Well last night I went out on a quest for the Holy Grail! Having heard a rumour that the Man of Kent near East Peckham may be serving that illusive of beers, Tonbridge Brewery's Blonde Ambition. It's a lovely looking pub The Man of Kent is at a tiny hamlet charmingly called Little Mill. It's next to an old bridge over the river Bourne and, looking out from the patio area of the pub, which had a spot light on the water, I noticed some large fish swimming against the flow of the river but appearing perfectly still in the shallow waters below as if being curious to know what the humans where up to above. (of course what they were really doing was eating the flies which had been attracted by the spot light.) I'm not a fish expert so I'm not sure whether they were trout, carp, bream, pike or what; perhaps someone out there knows more? Anyway I walk in the front door of the pub and realise that this building has either sunk down into the ground or else was built for the rather less well nourished people from medieval times. I'm not exaggerating if I say that I almost had to bend double to get to the bar such was the low height of the beamed ceiling of the main bar. Definitely a pub for petite landladies and bar staff! Charming at first, but you really do have to watch your head when you stand up otherwise it wouldn't just be the beer which gave you a sore bonce the next day! So then on to the beer; well here's the disappointing bit: no Blonde Ambition! They only have it as the occasional guest beer. Damn it! My quest goes on for this Holy Grail of a beer! Despite the sign outside proudly proclaiming that they served Larkins Ale, another local brewery, it turns out that there was none of that either so, instead, I had to make do with the guest beer which was Doom Bar from Sharp's Brewery of Rock, Cornwall. I a way this was quite appropriate as I do tend to go to Cornwall on holiday most years and I'd never tried it on draught before. No bad, but I've definitely tasted alot better. They also had Adnams Bitter which was only alright and, my favourite for the evening, and a bit predictably, Harvey's Sussex Bitter. Now I normally find Harvey's a bit too hoppy for my liking but, for some reason, last night really enjoyed the half pint I had. Maybe my taste buds are opening up to new possibilities. All in all a nice way to spend a couple of hours on a mid summer evening but disappointing that I didn't get to try the beer I went there in search of....

Tonbridge beer in a bottle?...

Ever since the SIBA South East beer fest, which was held at the back of Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club a couple of weekends ago, I've become semi-obsessed with real ale. I've come to realise that I've drank alot of very rubbish beer over the past, what, thirty odd years. I've always known when I like the taste of a beer so things aren't that bad but, since I drink a fair few bottled beers at home I should have known the differnce between a bottled conditioned beer and a brewery conditioned one shouldn't I? But, I have to confess that, until by recent acquistion of the CAMRA Good Bottled Beer Guide, I did not. Much to my shame. (Not quite the summer reading you'd expect to see in the hands of a bookseller I'll grant you, but there you go!) Had I known the difference I probably could have avoided the sampling of some very mediocre ales and concentrated on the better ones, the ones with real character. I've tried a few already and the difference is quite marked, the difference almost between those beers in out-of-the-way country pubs where they serve 'guest beers' from wooden casks and a gassy pint of ordinary brown beer from one of the top breweries. Workmanlike, reliable, but nowt special. Which leads me to ask, since I didn't get to try Tonbridge Brewery's Blonde Ambition at the recent beer fest does anyone know if they are planning to do a bottled conditioned version of it or, indeed, what pubs locally serve the stuff on draught. I may be disappointed but I would like to try Tonbridge's only beer. If it's anything like the selection from Westerham Brewery, like British Bulldog and Scotney I'll walk as far as Hadlow if I need to....

Five Ohhhhh!...

OMG I'm nearly fifty! The rounds of fiftieth birthday parties has begun already as I friend invited me to one last Friday night in Tonbridge; and I've always thought of him, and you'll like this Antony, as about 34, 39 tops but no, it turns out he's even older than me! Maybe it's just that, when you get older, the people around you look younger. Most probably it's your own vanity and lack of a grip on reality kicking in. That's it: I'm in denial! It doesn't seem like yesterday when I was celebrating mine and a whole bunch of my work colleagues and close friends fourtieth birthdays. Now, as if I've been in some surburban time warp, a decade has almost flown by and those same friends are planning their half centenary celebrations. The trouble with me is that, as a kid, I'd always thought of the millennium as some magical date in the dim and distant future, I knew that I'd be 37 when it came around but, the trouble is, that I'd never really planned much beyond that! I should get a grip on myself as I'm only just turned 48 but I find myself occasionally daydreaming and already starting to think where, or whether, I should hold my big FIVE OHHHH party. A small, low key, drinks party at home? A massive weekend in Barcelona or Magaluf? A live band and comedy night at the Tonbridge rugby club? Or maybe just stay at home, read a book and get a takeaway and wait for the day to go away! The last options sounds the most appealing as I sit here now....

Tuesday markets in Tonbridge....

Just found this information in an old agriculture book on Kent which some of the more nostalgic among you may find interesting: Market days were every Tuesday in Tonbridge (the market entrance was right opposite Mr. Books shop in fact) Now I'm not talking about a bit of fruit and veg, some dodgy batteries and t-shirts; I'm talking about a proper thriving livestock market. In fact the numbers of livestock which moved through Tonbridge market in a typical year are recorded, up to the early 1950s, as being 4,500 cattle, 3,000 calves, 18,500 sheep, and 11,000 pigs; a total of 37,000! They would have all been herded from the railway station and later from lorries along the main streets through the town. Now that's a lot of crap down the High Street to clear up on a Tuesday evening! Whatever happened to these traditional market days? Why did they suddenly disappear? Wasn't it better in those days? Can't we bring them back?...

Festival of Music in Tonbridge tonight....

It's the annual musical extravaganza this weekend at the Castle. So expect the heart of Tonbridge to be filled with the super sounds of the sixties, seventies and eighties from around 7-30 this evening. I've never actually been to this event and feel as though I might have been missing out. Tonight, so I'm reliably informed by one of the security staff who's just been into Mr. Books to pick up some bargain paperbacks, it's Motown, then tomorrow is Eighties Night and I'm not sure about Sunday but I'm sure there's bound to be another tributy-type band playing. I think I'm right in saying that one of the nights always used to be a classical/opera type affair but they dropped it due to unpopular demand. One thing I will say is that it certainly seems to attract the crowds every year. Anyone going along or been to the event before? Hey Mr. DJ just Bung New Order on will you!...

Six whole weeks! But what to do with it?...

Well kids (and teachers) you've earned your long summer break. Make the most of it though because, before you know it it'll be one year higher and another year stretching ahead of you. The Back to School clothing ads have already started just to really depress everyone. So don't fritter your time, your lives away sitting in front of a computer every day for 16 hours, get your faces out of facebook and get off your phones (I nicked that line from Paul Weller's new song, "Wake Up the Nation") go down the park, play tennis, football, go swimming, running, read a book, go to the zoo, learn to play guitar, climb some rocks, go to Penshurst on your bikes, get a part time job on a farm fruit picking, anything but sitting at home saying: "I'm really bored!" Life's short children and young people of Tonbridge so make the most of it. Let's hear some more ideas of how not to be bored in the summer holidays....

Stinking Tonbridge....

There's a good piece in the Telegraph today having a moan about how complicated rubbish collection has become. TonbridgeBlog couldn't agree more. Chucking your garbage out used to be so easy: you'd fill up your kitchen bin and, when it piled up to over flowing and you simply couldn't stuff any more in you make one of the kids go out to the wheely bin and throw it in. Nowadays you need a degree in environmental science! You have to file the rubbish according to whether it's plastic, cans, paper, vegetable, books, textiles. Excuse me but isn't life busy enough without all that? Can't the council invest in some machinery to do most of that for us? In the meantime, for our inconvenience of all this unnecessary work, our reward is that our main rubbish bin only gets emptied once a fortnight. Not so much of a problem, though bad enough, through the winter but in a hot summer like we're having, let's face it the bins stink to high heaven! They reek, they pong, they pen and ink, they are deeply unpleasant, even a hyena wouldn't go near most of them. They attract ants, flies and probably a whole host of other poisonous pests. The bins should be emptied every week without fail, it is our right as council tax payers; at the very least Tonbridge and Malling Council (I'm speakng to you now) can't you collect the black bins every week during the summer. There's no wonder the rat population of Britain, and almost certainly Tonbridge, has surged in recent years to the point where they now outnumber people. Please stop this terrible stink before diseases spread....

SIBA Beer Festival report....

And speaking of Hops I wandered along to the SIBA South East Beer festival which was being held at the back of Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club over the weekend. The cheeseburger was excellent! Oh and the beer wasn't bad either. Gosh what an amazing selection of varied beers all from independent breweries, mostly fairly local. Entry was free unlike, I'm told, last year when there was a charge of a fiver. I say free but you had to purchase a glass which cost £2 as you walked into the main marquee (where all the ale was) unless of cause you were tight enough to bring along your own half pint glass or else you wanted to drink beer out of your cupped hands! Frankly it was a kind of entrance fee but no one (not even me) was complaining about that, especially since it was also a souvenir of the festival. Having obtained my special half pint glass with the SIBA logo on one side and the TJ's on the other, and my beer tokens, which were £1.50 a time for each half, I was off in search of my first choice to sample, what else, but Tonbridge Breweries Blonde Ambition? Alas though, even on this Saturday evening only half way through the event, not a drop of this was left. So, spoilt for choice, I had to ask for the bar man's, who incidentally were all volunteers, recommendation. He suggested Quiver Bitter from Bowman's Ales and it was a great first choice; not too strong at 4.5% and gloriously rich golden in colour and with a wonderful mown grass aroma... full of complex flavours. At least that's what it said in the festival guide book. I'm not sure about all that but it certainly went down a treat after a hard day selling books in Mr. Books. Within a very short space of time, about four gulps really, it was time to move onto to sample number two. Walking around the site I spoke to several people I recognised, and a few I didn't, about what their favourite choices were. So I tried one of them called Incubus by Hopdaemon Brewery. This one I did find tasty but a little on the bitter side for my liking, obviously I manage to force it down without too much trouble so that I could move onto choice number three. Now I know that these were only half pints but it did occur to me at this point that, if I tried as many as I wanted to, at this rate, with no food in my stomach, I'd be pretty well sozzled after another three or four of the little beauties. I quite like a slight hint of honey in my real ales and noticed that one of the speciality beers, from 1648 Brweing Co. was called Bee Head. Sounded perfect. According to the guide it had a delicate touch of honey which you could taste if you looked for it. Well actually I couldn't and found this a little on the bitter side again. One of the girls from the ladies rugby team who was serving at one end of the bar saved my day by telling me that we were alowed to try a small (two fingers) sample first before committing to the full half. A tip which I put to good use; in fact, truth be told, I'd have been quite happy to just try a small taste of every one of those hundered different beers. But that might have been against the spirit of the festival so I just tried a few before making my selections from then on. There were loads that I didn't try, including all of Whitstable Brewery's Kent beers and all of Westerham's with names like British Bulldog and Pearl of Kent. I spotted on of the organisers when they were taking down the marquee yesterday after the three day event and mentioned to him that I'd like to have tried more of the ales to which he replied "that's why you need to come every day!" If I had it probably would have taken me three weeks to get over it! The whole thing was well organised, well attended and a really friendly, trouble free atmosphere, it was a real pleasure to be there. The fabulous summer weather helped as well. If only they could have the festival every Saturday night?! My favourite then? Of the ones I tried on the night it would have to be very first one: Quiver from Bowmans; it was the only one that I went back for a second half of so that's as good an indication as any I guess. One thing I do intend to do is to track down some of the beers in the guide and find out were I can buy the beer from, either on tap or in bottles. I'll stock up on those winter warmers....

Paddock Wood turns into a War (and Peace) Zone!...

Paddock Wood yesterday was like going back in time. Lots of WWII Jeeps and armoured cars around carrying quasi military-type personel dressed, mostly, in combat clothing. It's not very often that you drive into a petrol station to be confronted with two men sitting astride a camoflaged gun turret on the back of an American Jeep. One side of me thinks that this is all a bit sad but, on the other hand, where's the harm in it? Basically these enthusiasts are being nostaligic, longing for the days when life was simple, when you knew who your comrades were and who your enemies were. Food was basic but wholesome, the music of the day was big band swing, ladies were feeling more and more liberated, the Yanks were over here and over paid. At the very least these were exciting times, a time of great social change. If this is your thing then you'll be able to join around ten thousand like minded folk at the War and Peace show at the Hop Farm from tomorrow until Sunday. I'm hoping to see a few of the visitors around Tonbridge as, whatever you think of blatent displays of militaria, their vehicles make an awesome sight driving down the High Street. Hopefully one or two of them will show their faces in Mr. Books, perhaps even buy a book or three!...

New crap restaurant for Tonbridge!...

I'm thinking of opening a toilet-themed restaurant in Tonbridge along similar lines to the chain (geddit?!) in Hong Kong and Taiwan featured in this Telegraph picture gallery. Turd themed chocolate ice creams, toilets for seating, baths for tables, urinal shaped serving bowls and this is not a hoax. Apparently the kids absolutely love it. I'll put one at each end of the town (that'd be convenient!) I've just thought of a brilliant name for it as well; french sounding to give it a European twist: Mr. Merd!...

South East beer fest on tonight....

I might go along to the South East Beer Festival over the weekend at the back of Tonbridge Juddians Rugby Club to kill a few brain cells er, that is to say, sample some of the delights from a variety of the area's breweries! Over a 100 different beers on offer from a multitude of independent brewers. Barbeque and good company on a summer's evening. What more can a man ask for?!..

Three lifetimes would be nice....

A lovely old lady, probably in her eighties, in my shop just said "I could do with another three lifetimes to read all the books I'd like to read." To which I replied "wouldn't we all!" How nice it would be to be full of the same zest for life and learning at that ripe old age. If only the body would keep up with the mind!...

War and Peace be with you....

I'm having 4,000 flyers, which is a heck of a lot for me, photo copied at Susan Adams for the War and Peace Show, which starts at the Hop Farm on July 21st. (Scroll down for earlier posting for details.) The flyers are just for the welcome packs for exhibitors and trade visitors to the show! My God, or should that be Meine Gott, how many visitors are they expecting?! Anyway I thought I'd give it a go as, in previous years, quite a few, who just happened to be staying in Tonbridge, have stumbled across Mr. Books in the sleepy little corner of old Tonbridge; so I figured quite a few more would be interested particularly in the military history, aviation and transport books I have in the shop just waiting for new homes! As I'm offering a juicy 15% discount off these books, as an incentive, there's even more reason for them to come. And as it's only a short hop (geddit) from the War and Peace Show at Paddock Wood to Tonbridge then they'll be made very welcome, especially if they're coming to spend large wadges of cash!...

Pavements safe to ride on for sensible cyclists....

Interesting piece on the front page of this weeks Courier about a clamp down on Tonbridge cyclists on the pavement. Not sure whether the story is front page-worthy but that's a different matter. Apparently there have been a number of people cautioned and fined which reminded me of when I was a kid and was nicked for riding on the pavement and without lights in the dark. I tried to reason with PC. Cox (I still remember his name as his daughter was at my school) but he was having none of it, he marched me home to lecture me in front of my parents. I still say that I was only doing the safe sensible thing for a nine year old; after all I had no lights and therefore it would have been doubley dangerous to ride on the road! These days it's much more dangerous on the roads; they have become hugely more busy and often clogged up. That certainly discourages me from letting my kids cycle say across the railway bridge near the station, which they'd have to to get to the cycle lanes around the park area. On the subject of cycle lanes someone was quoted, in the Courier article, saying that pedestrians are always walking on the cycle half of the footpaths. You can't really blame them for that when the cyclist signs are virtually all faded off the paths and too far spaced. What was the point of spending all those countless thousands of council (and therefore our) money on developing cycle lanes in the first place if they are not going to be adequately maintained. In these times of austerity isn't it time to adopt what some Scandinavian and Northern European towns do already: that is, quite simply, to let cyclists ride thoughtfully and respectfully on the pavement. If there are people on foot they go slower or, if it's too crowded, dismount altogether; if there's no one about then they can pick up the speed a bit. There'll always be some people who abuse this, just like some people run along the pavement with disregard for others and some walkers barge you out of their way as if they own the pathway. The vast majority of runners, cyclists and walkers though respect each other. When my children were younger I used to ride with them on the pavement, often right past the Police Station in Tonbridge. Was this dangerous? Come off it: following a kid on a bike with stabilisers for an experienced bike rider does not present a menace to the walking public although, of course, technically I was breaking the law. So what I'm saying then is, like everything, there are times when it's safe and times when it isn't but, on the balance of things though, except on busy town centre pavements at peak times, there isn't usually a problem.
The other question, and allied to this whole topic, is how come there is no cycle path linking Tonbridge to Tunbridge Wells? Many school children would be healthier and probably happier if they could safely cycle between the two towns. Some already do of course but, unfortunately, they are riding illegally on the seldom used pavement between Quarry Hill and Southborough. Surely at least on semi rural pavements like this one it should be made legal since most, in my view, sensible cyclists do it anyway. Sometimes it's the public who make the laws by doing the safe thing which, over time, becomes the norm. I've a feeling that cycling on pavements will be one such case....

Punk Shockers update....

The noise coming from Bank Street Punk Shockers I've now discovered is from local band Bareface who have occupied one of the empty buildings (owned by one of the band members dads, that's nice. Not very Punk but cute! ) Here's a link to their MySpace page if you want to investigate their curious mix of Clash inspired, Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious-esque vocals (and, as I said previously, with a bit of Beatles White album weirdness thrown in for good measure! Hard to imagine yes but actually it's quite a unique sound which has grown on me (like cancer? no nothing like that!) Anyway I've also discovered from my new mates in Bareface, lovely lads as you can see from the pic, that they are shouting, er I mean performing at some big festival over at Canterbury tonight and are also sometimes to be seen at the Forum in Tunbridge Wells. Shit I forgot to ask for a freebie ticket or two. I'm going over there now....

War and Peace Show at the Hop Farm....

Now I've never been to the War and Peace Show which is held at the Hop Farm, Paddock Wood every July but I understand that it's quite phenomenal. That is if you like tanks, weaponry, swing music and every piece of military memorabilia you could imagine. A few of the visitors and exhibitors have been known to pop into Mr. Books in Bank Street, Tonbridge when they're over here and Boy do they know their military books! They come from all over the UK to visit the show but also from all over Europe, especially from Holland and Germany, often bringing their armoured vehicles with them! The show runs for five days from July 21st-25th. One of these years I'll take a stand selling books at the War and Peace Show; I've probably missed a trick as the organisers claim aprox 10,000 visitors through the gates every year. My God that's almost an invasion force!...

Punk Shockers attack ears of genteel Tonbridge folk....

For the past two weeks or so there's been a band practicing in the vacant, even derelict building, almost opposite Mr. Books Bookshop. It's thought that the building may have once been the first Bank in Tonbridge and therefore effectively named the street, Bank Street. What sort of music is been played in this genteel corner of Tonbidge old town? A bit of Vivaldi's Four Seasons perhaps, or a brass band to remind us all of those lazy summer days spent on the Castle lawn? No I'm afraid not. The nearest I can get to describing the musical genre they belong to is Post Punk Soft Rock with some Beatles White Album shit! Someone once said that there are only two types of music anyway: Good Music and Bad. Don't get me wrong, in the right place after a few beers chilling out, I would quite like to listen to them, be entertained by them even. By the way, if you're reading this lads, it definitely was not me who called the boys in blue the other day. Some neighbours, who clearly thought we were being invaded by Johnny Rotten and Public Image and feared for their daughters very beings, did it. Two police cars arrived on the scene to hear their sounds blarting out of the building, two burly coppers knocked on the door several times but apparently no one upstairs could hear them! So off they toddled. It seems that the lads are not committing any crimes as they have permission to use the building. It would have been much more Punk if I could tell you that they'd broken in and started squatting in the derelict bank building but, the truth is that they have a key from one of their dads! They ought to have someone stand outside with a camera to see the genteel folk passing by the building when the band are in full tilt to capture the look of sheer horror and shock as they try to imagine what monsters, what creatures of the dark, the excruciating racket is coming from. For surely nothing, they think, of this world could produce such an ear splitting din! I've never even seen any of the band yet but I really do feel like I know them all intimately. The drummer especially I'd say is pretty competent, he packs a great beat as they say; as is the guitarist who seems to like going off at the odd weird tangent (thus the reference to the Beatles White Album) and I cannot yet decide whether the singer is a bit flat, really crap or quite good but being deliberately flat and crap! Believe you me there's alot of difference. Actually I'm confusing myself! So it's not that I think they are useless and untalented it's just that when you hear the same songs over and over again and then bits of the same songs over and over again it starts to gets right inside you head. In fact I even woke up this morning humming one of their catchy tunes. (And I wish I was exagerating but it's true I really did.) I am going to find out what they're called (suggestions please) and where they are playing though. I think they owe me a couple of freebie tickets by now for all the rehearsals I've had to endure, er I mean enjoy listening to!...

Every little helps to kill our town centre!...

Has the world gone absolutely mad?! First the big super market giants like Asda, Tesco and Sainsbury's start selling cheap best seller books and car insurance and now Amazon, who have already turned one traditional market (books) on its head, want to sell groceries online. The internet retailer, who already has a turnover of over £16 billion (yes billion) wants even more, it wants its share of the food market. Amazon is no longer content with just selling books, electricals, toys, white goods and cosmetics it now wants to sell washing powder and tinned beans along with around 22,000 other food and grocery lines. How much extra dosh does it hope to make out of this expansion venture? No one seems quite sure, although if Ocado, the Waitrose inspired online business, is anything to go by they ought to be making a profit in around nine or ten years time! In the meantime probably quite a few small retailers will have gone out of business due to their, almost certainly, fierce price competition. What chance for the small independent grocers? Certainly no chance on price; so that only leaves convenience and service; but I've a sneaky feeling that shoppers will always, in the end, vote with their pockets. If the book market is anything to go by, and I'm sure it is, small independents cannot even buy wholesale what Amazon sell at retail in most cases. That makes life very tricky if you want to compete on price. Having said that surely service, a sense of community and convenience is more important than saving a few quid here and there. Will we see the day when there are no High Street shops left at all, when we all sit at home in front of a computer, on our ever-plumper arses, browsing fewer and fewer, larger and larger online retailers like amazon and Tesco Online who have taken oever the known world. That's if the Chinese business giants haven't muscled their way in by then! Is this what we all want? No bakeries, no local butchers, no fish mongers? No book shops? No stationers, not even clothes shops? Because that is the way it seems to be going from where I'm sitting on this bright Thursday morning in Tonbridge town centre. People of Tonbridge: it is in your own hands; get out to those farmers markets, green grocers and butchers. Don't buy everything online go into town instead, it's much more fun and you actually get to talk to real people, you might even see someone you know....

FIFA: Take a leaf out of Rugby's book for football's sake....

An old mate of mine who I used to work with is from Ghana and although I haven't seen him for a couple of years I really felt for him last night. Watching the World Cup match against Uraguay convinced me that sometimes there is no justice. If you didn't catch the incident it went something like this: in the dying seconds of extra time the two teams were locked together at 1-1 then, after a goal mouth scramble, a Ghana player headed the ball and Suarez, the Uraguay number 9, blocked the ball on the line, saving the goal and his country's certain exit from the tourrnament. Nothing wrong with that? Well I did leave out the fact that he blantantly used his hand to stop the ball, thus resulting in his own instant sending off and a penalty for Ghana which, as it turned out, was the very last kick of extra time. High drama, very entertaining, gripping even, yes to all of these. Then the penalty and Gyan, having played out of his skin in all their matches, having become the hero of all Africa and beyond, misses the penalty handing Uraguay a reprieve which they took full advantage of in the penalty shoot out and thus progressed to the semi finals. I ask you Roland, for that is my Ghanaian friend's name, where's the justice in this? I really am gutted for you. How can the rules allow for such obvious and open cheating to prosper? You can't blame the ref for he interpreted the law to the letter and could do no more than send Suarez off. What should be done then? Well all I'll say is that, if it had happened in a rugby match, where it is usually harder to interpret what may have happened had the cheating not occurred, then a try would have been awarded anyway and Ghana would have been playing Holland in the semis, Suarez would be a disgraced cheat instead of a national hero and rightly so. If FIFA had anything about them they'd reverse the outcome of that match, allow Ghana through and ban Uraguay from the next World Cup, now that would be justice. Come on Holland make sure you beat them now for Africa's and football's sake....

Ten ways to keep cool in the hot weather....

(1) Drink ice cold orange juice
(2) Dive, er sorry, step carefully into Tonbridge Swimming Pool (it's actually cooler in the inside pool at the moment believe it or not!)
(3) Hang around the chilled foods section at Waitrose all afternoon pretending you can't find the Venezualan goats cheese.
(4) Put you head next to a fan while dabbing you neck with a wet flannel
(5) Take ice cold can of Fosters lager from fridge roll around on neck, face and other body parts, pull ring pull, pour into pre-cooled glass, sit down in shade of a tree in garden, and enjoy! (no this is not an advertisement for Fosters)
(6) Sit with your feet in The Shallows of Tonbridge (oh actually you can't do this since they built the Leigh Flood Barrier) For those old enough to remember they were once a very popular summer picnic beauty spot. Now we have the dog crap ridden Haysden Country Park in their place. Never mind eh!
(7) Stick ice pops down you shirt/blouse
(8) Probably too late to buy an air con unit but you could try. I'm sure that Homebase and B&Q on Cannon Lane will stock them.
(8 and a 1/2) Buy a book (it won't keep you cool, unless of course it's Ice Station Zero or maybe Pingu, but I had to get it in somewhere!)
(9) It's just too hot to think of any more so
(10) that's it....

Beer in the evening...and the morning...afternoon...and night!

For anyone who likes beer and, let's face it, who doesn't?! there's another chance to sample lots of different real ales at the South East Beer Festival on the 16th, 17th and, if you can still stand up, 18th July at the back of the Rugby Club. Now I know the event attracted quite a few fans of the brown stuff last summer but there were alot who thought, probably due to the location, that it was just for rugger boys. Well it's not so tell your friends all about it; and, what's more, it's free entry with, I'm told, very reasonably priced ales. I'm sure that local ale enthusiast, Paul Bailey will have more on his beer blog about it so I'll leave it for him to provide us with more info or at least a link to his site. Last year there were a few negative comments (not mine) on this blog saying that the festival was encouraging people to be be irresponsible drink and too much but, surely, this is nonsense. Better to sample various different, lovingly brewed, beers from independent breweries than to neck seventeen pints of nondescript lager in the Castle Inn before jumping in the river (as I noticed a few lads were after a recent England game.) What is it about hot sunny weather, football and continental blonde beers?! Mind you England's performances at the World Cup were enough to drive even the most sober of people to drink, drugs or drowning but that's a different story....